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I am struggling at the moment

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

3364 replies

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

❤️💕@Teej ...

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

I read your post and just felt the need to comment - there is so much we can do and much more we cannot do for some people- and with my son and all these years I understand that

But still - I was an English Tutor and took as much work as I could - but on two occasions I was called in to "help" with kids who had severe emotional disorders and I had to tell the mother I couldn't help - and I understood they were desperate - looking for anyone who could help

I felt bad walking away - but you needed to put D3 first Faith and I am glad you did - and I was on the other side so often - some children are born damaged - others become damaged through injuries or bad parenting and I shake my head today thinking about that

Life can be so hard Faith and Ocean - bullying is such a violent sport and one bully eggs another on and the fights are not evenly balanced as the kids pick on a delicate child - and pick up energy from one another

Enough said from me - as you said Faith - it was beyond your scope to assist TF - and you did well to consider you own children first

Dec

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sorry this was send has a blank post by mistake.

Please see below message

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @oceangirl .... 💕

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @Appleblossom and everyone else around

Just checking in and seeing how everyone is going?

I had a bit more energy today and hoping I get a bit more done tomorrow

I am feeling a bit sleepy tonight and that is a good sign for me

I am here if anyone is up for a chat???

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It's too cold to go out here today @oceangirl .... when we're just over the flu ,... the zoo had been on the agenda. Will have to try again, if the weather and time permit.

Am going to paint today instead. Posting on F&A ....

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @oceangirl. So glad to hear you have more energy today. It makes such a difference.
I've had a good day - despite this crippling heat. Saw my gp and psychologist. All is going well. Hoping for a peaceful weekend. But have to take my boys to his dads again - a long drive in tmws heat. And Sunday is the footy netball fundraiser for our little town.
Having a cow pat lotto. Bought two squares and hoping cow 'poos' in one of my squares & we win some money. Lol.
Never been to anything like this before. But will be good to get out with the locals a bit more.
Do you have anything planned for the weekend?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

It is good to hear from you @Faith-and-HopeI am glad to hear you are all starting to feel better & hope you get the chance to get to the zoo before you return home.Enjoy your painting today. I am just go and read some threads and mite try to have a early nite.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi again @utopia

It does make a difference having more energy and it seems to happen when my anxiety subsidies a bit. I am just trying to keep an even keel and see if I can build from there, just trying to reduce my stress and spend some time over the next week building up my fitness.

I am glad to hear you had a good day and I hope your appointments were helpful for you. Its been a bit hot here in Qld but probably not as hot as some of the other southern states and some parts of Qld is sweltering too (Birdsville).Hope the drive is not too much for you tomorrow in the heat and you get to cool off when you get home. Your Sunday footy netball fundraiser sounds fun and fingers crossed you get lucky and win some money. Who said cow dung is bad luck lol

I am heading up to Brissie tomorrow to see my niece and her partner - my niece had a baby boy this wk and I am going to meet her new addition to her family. I am not sure what I am doing Sunday I'll just play it by ear but hoping to get to the beach Sunday afternoon.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@oceangirl. Wow. A new little bub in the family. How exciting - especially for your niece and her partner. Did you hear that @BlueBay is going to be a grandma later this year. I just love babies.
Finding that right balance for stress and anxiety is so important. I've found over time that I notice when I'm doing to much & I need to pull back and relax more. But knowing it & doing it - nit always easy. Lol. But I'm getting better.
If the cow poos in one of my squares - you will know about it. You'll hear me screaming all the way up in Qld.
I hope you have a beautiful relaxing weekend and that you get to the beach.
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