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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Breathe Hon ..... have been reading back through, and presume you've edited a recent one .....

Here's a distraction for you .... reckon I flew past (over ?) your S1 today .... will post some pics on F&A tonight .....

This couple of days was intended to be the highlight of our trip .... I will see how much I can share with y'all ....

Keep it to a low summer @Former-Member .... my mum had a saying .... "the way (path) will open (emerge) ...." wait for it ..... happens slowly but it happens .... stay the course ....

❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❣

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks for the S1 comment @Faith-and-Hope 💜🤗😘

i hope where you are is a highligh....and it's not where I thought you might be if you flew over him.

I really don't want to be this intense all the time anymore. I don't know how to live anymore. It's been so long since I have. You don't heed to respond I know I am the only one who can change it.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

The intensity is only here during the clean-out and restructure period @Former-Member .... you're learning skills, even though you struggle to believe that, which with practice will dial down the intensity, and other stuff will just wash away with tears and time .... think if it as cleaning out and healing up a persistent wound.

You'll get there .... just ... keep ... swimming .... 🐠❣

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TABSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Sorta felt seem re sharing with govt counsellors/psyschs Re sharing. I used to bend the truth and or stop seeing them if not trust/rapport/help. However there there were some excellent ones, well non govt. and had been Big Brother bitten by misplaced sharing.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

DecadianSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member

As @Faith-and-Hope says - it's like a persistent wound and you need to let it heal - and that takes some TLC and tears and self-care and it will take time

I had a really gross spider bite over the Christmas period in 2014/5 - and I remember this wound - orb spiders are not venomous but they live in dirt and their bites can be as bad as possible without interferring with them -

However I had to have antibiotics and cleanse this wound twice a day and it was really icky - and I just thoughht maybe I should have cried some tears onto it - my mother died during this time and I had plenty of spare tears - I wonder if tears would have helped to clean this up

However - regardless of my story-telling - tears contain cortisol - a hormone that doesn't make us feel good at all - and crying releases this - and I don't want to cry - I find it hard - but yes - I do believe crying cleanses and inner wound as well

Whatever it was that happened to you and when is not something I think you really know - but it did turn you from your path into a way you don't understand now and it really does hurt - so cry a bit from time to time - and release those hormones

I can for you here - we all do - we all care about each other - and I have the feeling we could have a party and get together and cry and it would do all of us good

Hugs - Dec

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

❤️💕 @Former-Member ....

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I often wish I was not so intense or sensitive .. too

Hugz @Former-Member

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member & @Faith-and-Hope. Thank you. I think I needed to calm down. Probably making you both anxious as well.
I played a new relaxation music ap - that instantly brought up images in my mind of the most beautiful colours. I pictured this universe of colours wrapping her arms around @Zoe7 - in a comforting, nurturing, supportive, loving embrace.
Sometimes the image changed to a butterfly with wings of the universal colours. Sometimes a guardian Angel.
And I asked the Universe to keep holding her and letting her feel the love and support and nurturing the universe was offering. And to let her see and feel those colours.
It was truly beautiful.
It calmed me down within a few minutes too.
How are you both doing?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Zoe7

@utopia @Former-Member @Former-Member @TAB

and for anyone else who wants to join us here .....

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember

Re: I am struggling at the moment

That's really beautiful @utopia.

you're not making me anxious, I'm perfectly capable of doing that by myself. I'm worried but doing ok.

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