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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 Jan 2017, 6:51 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Yay @Former-Member ... ❤️💕🌷 .... sounds like a plan ❣

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2017, 6:57 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Pleased today brang hope @Former-Member,
"Two steps fwd, one back is still moving fwd" ya doing ok xox

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor13 Jan 2017, 7:30 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member. Sorry for the late reply - I was at work today.
Something that helped me - was writing a list of good things about myself. Maybe you could write this type of list and/or a reason to stay list.
But every time you think negative - about wanting to die - or being no use or stupid or any other negative self talk that comes in your head - you have to STOP.
STOP what you are doing and read your reasons list or positives list -IN FULL.
EVERY SINGLE TIME.
After a few days I noticed a decrease in my negative self talk.
After a week, it was gone.
Now, I occasionally have a negative self moment - but I can shut that talk down quickly.
Please give it a try for a week. If it doesn't work - you haven't lost anything.
But if it works - WOW!!
I truly hope things improve for you. And please know I'm here for you, as are your other friends on this forum.
♥♥

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

PepsimaxSenior Contributor13 Jan 2017, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Teej I'm glad it went well with your therapist today I'm so so glad you had an appointment today just what you needed do so do you see them again on Monday stay a little bit improved Pepsimax

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2017, 7:56 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @Pepsimax Im so grateful that she could see me. I feel a bit spoiled. How are you going?

Thanks @utopia. I've been amazed that you could learn to turn of that self talk so quickly. We have a plan to get to it but it's going to take some time. I attach shame too readily and then SH when I look at that stuff but trust me it's high on my therapist agenda. But one day when I can I might try that. For this weekend I'm aiming to stay away from all that stuff and just try to be in the moment and allow myself to do some ok activities. I've been punishing myself so much lately.

I don't know but I think @Former-Member might be doing the same. I've been meaning to catch up on your new thread re SH but lost a long post and need to rewrite it. Nice change of name although Bec was much easier to write 😜😝 but it's good for my brain to learn new words and I love that it's close to your heart.

💜🤗

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor13 Jan 2017, 8:02 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member. I used it for my main negative self talk. My parenting. Which was really loud telling me every second how terrible I was.
I think just focusing on that biggest issue - meant that it worked. I didn't do it with other areas (initially).
Good idea having a relaxing weekend though. Do you have any plans? Or are you simply going to take it moment by moment?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2017, 8:02 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @Former-Member i hope you're doing a bit better too. Crossing fingers and toes you feel a bit better💜🤗

Cheers @Faith-and-Hope 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2017, 8:06 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Nothing planned for my weekend, but I should get some exercise in - a swim and a walk is in order.
Feeling much better today and had a great night with some friends yesterday, albeit a little hungover today.
I also read an article about how the Australian megafuana may have co-coexisted for humans for thousands of years which sounds really interesting. Will be reading the paper this weekend.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2017, 8:07 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@utopia I have some very overdue house jobs to do but the rest of the time I'm going to go with the flow and try to let myself do whatever takes my fancy (which isn't destructive). Wish me luck. It's probably easier to fly to the moon.

Have you got much on? I'm guess some unwinding from your work week. How is it going?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2017, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Great to hear @Former-Member👍💜. I hope this weekend is a good one. Hopefully we'll both get a break from all the :pile_of_poo:. I hope the paper is good, glad you've found something to excite you 💜

Take care 💜🤗

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