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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:01 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

sorry you struggle with sleep too @Zoe7

lj

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Dec 2016, 11:07 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member yeah it's a never ending cycle - can't sleep and always tired - can't keep mind from racing because too tired to stop - makes me even more worn out and feel so mentally and physically exhausted I fall asleep during the day - then can't sleep at night - and the cycle continues. Saturdays I'm so tired I barely move and Sunday is spent getting ready for the coming week because I don't have the energy when I get home to prepare for work the next day.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:19 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

yes exactly @Zoe7

its hard to keep functioning. 😞 Do you have time off at the moment at all? i hope you are able to rest up a bit. My kids are home tomorrow (thankfully) but i feel so worn out. need to pull it together again and suck it up. but everything seems too hard. i don't know

lj

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:19 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I struggle too with sleep and it makes life quite diffcult. I understand the impact it does have someones life. Do you think your sleep problem is tramua based @Zoe7 ?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Dec 2016, 11:25 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member Been off for 4 months - not likely to be be back at work for a while and then only probably part-time. Not a decision have to think about too much at the moment but the time is getting closer - scared I won't be able to go back for some time!

@Former-Member I know my lack of sleep is trauma based - the anxiety of knowing that also makes it even harder to try and sleep.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:28 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Zoe7 Mine is too- I understand sis.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:29 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member thinking of you ❤️

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:30 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I fell apart completely at the beginning of 2015. I took the whole year off work. Went back full time this year.. but its been so hard. and now not sure i can face work again... compounding how crap i feel about myself. But i had to take the year off to survive. It really was necessary.
a lot of my history is trauma stuff and not being able to get the ptsd under control i think. as well as the anxiety and depression... i dont know if they are seperate or its just all one and the same.
lj

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Zoe7Senior Contributor26 Dec 2016, 11:39 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member I got really sick 4 months ago and the subsequent fatigue allowed my depression, anxiety and ptsd to take control in a big way. Have previously been able to JUST function by throwing all my energy into work. Having the time off has made it too easy to have all the other crap take over. Mine is also a lot of history of trauma stuff (a lot that I've locked away in little boxes so don't have to deal with - know it's always there but can't function at all if let any out).

I don't feel like I am going to be ableto go back to work for along time. Don't know how you did it. I really miss the kids and my colleagues but have visited a few times and been extremely overwhelmed. Don't feel like I'll have the physical strength to get through each day and the mental and emotional strength to handle the job.

How did you manage all that this year? - hat off to you - that must have been really draining in itself.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 11:46 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I honestly don't know @Zoe7 i also moved to a regional town (a bigger town than where we were) and started at a new school this year. its been so challenging, learning a new school/community and trying to fit in somewhere, somehow. but not sure i really managed it. in some ways though it does make you have to keep funcitoning. so much depending on you all the time. but its crushingly exhausting like you say. i don't know what is best for you. lol i dont even know whats best for me... except there is so much pressure on making money and making ends meet.

i hope you are on the mend now at least physically... so that you can begin to feel stronger with the other stuff. i know what its like to feel like you have to keep everything locked away to keep going. i've had so many doors ripped open the last few years by events and really battling with the ptsd side of things badly.

here with you

lj

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.