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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
I just lost my phams support worker due to funding cuts. 😳😢😧😩😔😡
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Oh no @Former-Member .... 😳😔💐💐💐🤗🤗🤗💜💜💜 ....
That 'like' is 'I hear you .... I see you .... "
Big hugs, but wait and see where the road goes .... door closes, window opens ....
Did you connect well enough to be able to stay in touch ? Is that possible ? If she continued to come to see you, is there something you could do in return for her, barter style ?
Just a thought ...
💜💐🐠🌷💕🌿💋 .... big hugs ....
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
She was so good for me @Faith-and-Hope. She helped bring the really real back into my life and helped me get my head out of the sand to do really important admin tasks like dealing with Centrelink, schools, changing my ad*ress after 5 months etc and was helping me write and prioritise my weekly jobs. And she helped ground me a lot on Fridays when I need it the most. I am trying not to feel defeated 😕 but I am :pile_of_poo: scared of the hole she has left. Apparently I am high on the list to get a replacement, also not coincidentally the two times she missed Friday I ended up in a huge hole or in hospital 😱 But she was sooo good and I just wanted that stability for a bit longer. 😢
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
She must be aware of that too @Former-Member, and worried about your welfare .... maybe she could meet you for coffee on a Friday anyway ... I know money is tight, but if you can afford to buy her one it would be nice to offer.
keep walking closely with us, and try not to panic. Wait and see what happens .... try not to fear the worst ....
💜💜💜💐💐💐🤗🤗🤗🐠🐠😘😘😘❣
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
No I had to say my farewells today @Faith-and-Hope. It doesn't work like that. She is shipped off to her new job tomorrow so no way of contacting her either but I appreciate she didn't choose this. Thanks for your support 💜🤗
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member
Maybe consider ways to spread what she was doing with you amongst two or three other people .... even if it's something very small that they help you with ... cumulatively you can get there ....
See how you go, and other forum family might have ideas for you too.
💜💐💕🌷🐠❤️😘
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
It's ok @Faith-and-Hope I'm in the freaking out and throwing a tantrum stage. Hopefully they'll find a replacement for her but it's all part of my abandonment stuff. Feeling nauseous all day and really physically unwell but it's all related. I was having a good day before too. Thanks again. 💜🤗💐🤗💜
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