Feeling Gutted and agitated

at the meal tonight I raised the concept of ambivalence and how we all struggle with it... with our parents ...

I had a lot of affection for her in the beginning ... guess I should also talk about trust .. and genuine affection ...

Wow .... it's the girlfriend .... that's tough .....

My DIL was a bit wicked. I don't know when her bipolar started to emerge, but she has issues with her mother and projected them on to me .....

Its been rough at times, but it's been rough inside their relationship too since they married. I only recently found out how much, and my heart aches for him .... but I am a fierce believer in love and integrity winning over.

It has taken a few years, but the tide seems to be turning.

This one needed editing - Martian spell-check happened .... 😏

Sounds like she's jealous of the close relationship you have with your son and is prickling you vindictively .... if you can ignore it, I would. If you can't, just ask politely if she would mind not mentioning your ex in front of you please ? Just like that. Simple and to the point, I'm guessing she will blush ....

Other than that, walk a straight line and trust your son to work it out. If he thinks it's female politics between the two of you, he will either rise to the girlfriend's defence, or he will step back and stick his head in the sand, hoping it will eventually resolve itself, but will need to distance himself a bit from you in order to be with her in the meantime ... neither of which are great for you ....

You can remain stoically polite ... offering small talk, general hospitality, pleasant sharing of events and train trips, but not go out of your way beyond the civil boundaries. Let her come and find you if she wants more from the relationship.

Without slathering it on, continue being openly loving with your son, holding the door open for him, so to speak.

@Appleblossom You can't lose yourself over this. I totally get wanting to make your son and her feel comfortable but it can't be at any cost. I think the big word that she and perhaps your son are missing right now is respect. They are in your house and around they should respect how you feel regarding ex. I feel like if this came on board everything else might be more manageable. Just throwing my opinion out there. I hope this is helping and not opinionated tripe.

PS @Appleblossom. I've encountered a conversation this week where I questioned how faithful she would be to my son and it scared the crap out of me. I have had to find some perspective on this but it's tough because we want to protect our kids. I guess I have the respect I need from her and I like her too so it's more manageable. It feels like those boundaries of respect are being crossed. Perhaps you can address it from this angle.

Thanks @Kurra I just put it on the music stand and will play it before I go back to bed.

Thank you all for responding to me ... @Former-Member @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @utopia

It really means a lot to me .. I have never been able to talk out relationship issues in real time ... it was only after everything had hit the fan and people were dying that I got coun selling but there was always too much going on... the counsellors couldnt really keep up ... I do want a best outcome ... for all of us... there are positives if I can handle it well.

@Former-Member

❤️

Hey @Appleblossom i just edited my last post (added some) I'm sorry I get a bit goung-ho when I'm emotional and need to think more. I really hope you find some solutions that don't involve you having to take Meds to work out your current relationships. I'm sure you will but like me it's seems we have to boil over first. Thinking of you, sendings hugs ( just mistyped pugs haha) 💜😊