5 Day Online Event! You Are Not Alone - Crisis Advice for Family, Friends & Carers

Thanks @NatureLover , a long way to go yet though. Still being accepted there, so I might be dreaming, or in for a mighty let down. It’s worth a try. 💞💞

It can be overwhelming to know the person you care about is coming home after they’ve attempted suicide. How is their mental health now? What support will they need? What will happen next?

When I think back to my own lived experience: It's strange, but back after my second suicide attempt and treatment in the hospital emergency department at age 16, there was no further support. My parents are not fans of psychology, so maybe that's why. Maybe they felt the stigma of my suicide attempt and wanted to brush it all under the carpet. I could have used some talk therapy and psychiatric care for sure, back then. I'm glad things have improved since then. When I was finally referred by the hospital to a psychiatrist about 13 years ago, as a mature adult, this support made a big difference to me.

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@Maggie wrote:

Thanks @NatureLover , a long way to go yet though. Still being accepted there, so I might be dreaming, or in for a mighty let down. It’s worth a try. 💞💞

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@Maggie - it's definitely worth a try, and much needed. Good for you.

It can be overwhelming to know the person you care about is coming home after they’ve attempted suicide. How is their mental health now? What support will they need? What will happen next?

I was reading the Returning Home section of the YANA resource, where it indicates that trying to force someone to get professional help might actually backfire. As a carer, it's hard when a suicidal person has had a bad experience with a mental health professional and refuses to see any psychologist or psychiatrist after that. Their experience is of course valid, but it makes it harder to support them. I have a suicidal friend in real life who has never had a bad experience, but still refuses to see a psychologist or psychiatrist on principle. It makes me sad, as I think they could be so much happier if they allowed themselves some therapy and /or medication.

I was terrified when Mr Darcy came home, I was scared to leave him on his own in case he attempted again, it took me a little time to be able to do so but I knew that I needed to. When he first came home he was heavily medicated, was still on maintainance ECT and he spent a lot of time sleeping, he had side effects that were distressing to him. As his crisis meds and ECT were tapered off, the side efffects abated, he slept less and began to do more around home, his mood having stabilised following the introduction of his current medications and the removal of others.

After having a reality check, I understood that his condition that can be managed if we follow best practice guidelines which we now do. As time went by we became more proactive in managing symptoms such as eating more fruit and veg to help combat constipation, getting out and doing things so things so we did not feel housebound and getting our home tidied up as it had got into quite a mess. At present he has the support of a pdoc and a case worker as well as myself. He does not have a therapist (therapy has always been a bit hit and miss) but in recent time has had some counselling support from the Cancer Council due to his cancer diagnosis, this has the potential to be helpful in relation to his mental health.

It took a little while for me to stop being afraid that he would reattempt on hold and be a little more trusting of the treatment process which happened when the meds were shown to be clearly working. I don't know how I would react if he were to become acute again. Trust is still a huge issue for me, I was very angry in relation to treatment Mr Darcy recieved under a treatment order and lodged a complaint in relation to it which resulted in far better outcomes than what I hoped for. We have moved interstate and have a new treating team and I know that it will take some time to build trust.

The things that really helped me/him/us were:

1. I asked that Mr Darcy have a change in allocated case worker he had at the time, the new one suited better.
2. I understood that taking care of mental health involved more than just taking medication.
3. After looking up many scholarly articles, I understood that following tapering off of crisis meds, the regimen that Mr Darcy ended up being on is evidence based and gives the best outcomes in relation to maintaining stability.
4. I found an American faith based patient and carer mental health support material that gave me hope that we can live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis. We were fortunate that our faith community was very supportive (at the time we were living away from family).
5. We began to work as a team. I understood better when and how to support him, when to advocate for him and how to do this in a respectful way in relation to the treating team. I will not support something that I feel unreasonable ie no medication, however before accepting any medication on offer I fully expect that Mr Darcy will be given a clear understanding that perceived benefits will outweigh any risks of taking it and that any concerns we have are addressed in a satisfactory manner before the pdoc hands over a script.
6. I check in with Mr D from time to time to ensure that he feels the level of support I am giving him is appropriate as I want him to be as independent as possible and we have a good system in place.
7. I began to understand that unless a suitable therapeutic alliance was there, therapy for Mr Darcy was a waste of time and I should not nag him about it. We noticed a sign in a window about a GROW group that was starting in our area and Mr Darcy said he would go to that. I think this proved to be more helpful than any therapist he had seen. Since moving there is no GROW group available but perhaps it is what was needed for a season. I think though he occasionally refers to this material. I did however gently encourage him to speak to a counselor in relation to his cancer diagnosis as I could see there were some things that they would be able to help with. He pondered this and brought it up himself a couple of times so I ensured he had the phone number and left it up to him to call if and when he was ready to.

hello @Former-Member , @Former-Member , @NatureLover , @Maggie , @Former-Member

will be back soon to share xxxx

Wow, thank you for sharing all that, @Former-Member , that's really useful.

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@Former-Member wrote:

We began to work as a team. I understood better when and how to support him, when to advocate for him and how to do this in a respectful way in relation to the treating team. I will not support something that I feel unreasonable ie no medication, however before accepting any medication on offer I fully expect that Mr Darcy will be given a clear understanding that perceived benefits will outweigh any risks of taking it and that any concerns we have are addressed in a satisfactory manner before the pdoc hands over a script.

This sounds so positive. It makes me feel sad, actually, for single people who don't have that high level of support that you provide for your husband. Hopefully they would have family or friends to support them, but it's not always the case.

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@Former-Member wrote:

I check in with Mr D from time to time to ensure that he feels the level of support I am giving him is appropriate as I want him to be as independent as possible and we have a good system in place.

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This sounds a great idea, and a good system that you have. I think I will check in with my suicidal friend similarly...

It can be overwhelming to know the person you care about is coming home after they’ve attempted suicide.

sure is @Former-Member , @NatureLover , @Former-Member , @Maggie , @Former-Member

like @Former-Member said I woke up at every sound, toolk me a while to kinda relax , even now when mr shaz is unwell , i start to wonder again

How is their mental health now?--- when we were going home he was very quiet ,

What support will they need?----- the specialists want to transfer mr shaz to another place for another 2 weeks for life training but he denied it

Also mr shaz was told to have 3 months off work but he did not

What will happen next?--- we had to wait until the mental health team rang and they were 30 kms away

This can even be the case with loved ones who aren’t suicidal, but perhaps there’s a change in medication or treatment plans.---- yes mr shaz had more meds

What are some things that would help you navigating sudden changes in caring for your loved one?

I Remember our first night at home ,

I look up the internet and printed out information to help us both ,

working together has been good but over time

Also we logged on to Sane Australia Forum that night and we both open threads with our questions , and the support and encouragement here was soo wonderful and helpful

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@Shaz51 wrote:

like @Former-Member said I woke up at every sound, toolk me a while to kinda relax , even now when mr shaz is unwell , i start to wonder again

Also mr shaz was told to have 3 months off work but he did not

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It must be difficult to relax once your partner has attempted suicide. How was it, for you and for Mr Shaz, when he kept working?

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@Shaz51 wrote:

I look up the internet and printed out information to help us both ,

working together has been good but over time

Also we logged on to Sane Australia Forum that night and we both open threads with our questions , and the support and encouragement here was soo wonderful and helpful

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I'm so glad you found information and support 🙂

@NatureLover it is very difficult to entrust someone to be a support person for you, I know for a long time I was not providing appropriate support for mental health. Being a middle age married couple makes a lot of difference as you know each other intimately (yikes ... did I just call myself middle aged??? By intimately I mean a detailed knowledge of a person).

The support I give to friends with mental health issues includes regular catch ups (usually fixed day/interval - ie weekly or fortnightly coffee, garden centre visit or other enjoyable activity) and sending funny texts to a number of acquaintances, some of whom Mr Darcy met as an inpatient. Having a regular time is helpful as it gives us both something to look forward to but also helps with boundaries. I do not bring up their mental health and will only discuss it if they want to. Apart from encouraging them to speak openly to treating team/therapist I tend not to get involved with anything relating to treatment as I have very strong opinions based on our experiences.

@Maggie We have a number of people at our new church and on the cusp of it with mental health diagnoses. I would love to do something to help them but have not come up with anything that I feel comfortable with and do not want to reinvent the wheel or clash with other services that are available in our regional town.