Newbie

Hi @Ame96 ,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for posting a little bit of your experiences.

I grew up in a household of violence and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD amongst other things and I can empathise with some of the things you're mentioning. I had a good therapist say something like this to me that really helped: "You have learnt that violence is normal, that having to do these things (like asking to eat as well) is normal, you have lived like that for 17 years, and now you have to unlearn everything. It will make sense rationally first, that violence is NOT normal, but translating that emotionally, to those deeper parts of you, that will take time. It will be uncomfortable as your mind tries to go back to the default of violence being the norm, but we have to actively change that setting everytime you feel that way". It's a lot of rewiring to do and it takes a lot of mental effort to keep on top of it but habits can form quickly and I believe with the right support, you'll get there. One really helpful thing my partner did to help was to never accept my "thank you" when he didn't get yell/hit me after breaking something, or letting me eat. He always says, you don't have to thank me for doing what's right and what's normal. He also never accepted my apologies as well (unless I did something worthwile).

I'm really bad and starting convos too, but everyone here is super helpful and kind.

@Isabelle My partner has told me so many times that I don't have to constantly apologise or ask to do something but it's just so hard not to. For me it's really tough seeing tv shows or movies where there's violence because it's triggers me and I get the feeling that I'm once again in danger, leaving me feeling scared and end up crying. One thing I know I've overcome is when my partner gets angry, he said I used to look at him with so much fear and I'd start shaking uncontrollably, flinching everytime he moved. But now I'm used to not being hurt when someone's angry but it's just everything else that I have to overcome. And I also apologise for EVERYTHING even if it's not my fault or nothing to apologise for.

im sorry if this doesn't make sense as I've got a thousand things I want to say but trying to keep it on topic!

Hi newbie welcome to my world.i was a child of dv with my mother and later in life I had my own dv and i get flash backs.sometimesmy my flash backs are like a on going and can't shut them off so I feel your pain.im trying to get my medication right and trying counselling and a lot of others.im 60 and feel like I want a bit of a good life mentally at this age at least.are you still in a dv relationship hun?if so reach out for help asap.sending you hugs

Hi @Ame96, welcome to the forums. It's awesome that you're reaching out and expressing these things, it sounds like you've got a lot on your mind. I'm sure that this amazing community will help you through, and of course if you do need any extra support you can always tag the moderators (type @moderator).

Hi hun and thankyou for your message.no not in dv or any relationship.i don't think I could cope.like you I'm 60 and want just a taste of life.to be well enough to enjoy it,without the mental health baggage.

Take care n hope to chat again

@outlander thankyou for the tip!
I did not and still don't have any support for anything. I've been wanting to see a shrink but can not afford it so I just keep everything in. It's really hard to tell my partner about it all because he doesn't understand what it's like and he doesn't seem to want to understand either. I just ride the wave if it's flashbacks, nightmares, and just coping in general

It's so hard being in dv situation with someone who is meant to love and protect you . For me it was my dad, anything and everything was my fault literally almost getting killed multiple times a day because he woke up on the wrong side of the bed or because I did make his cup of coffee fast enough 😪 I really hope one day we can be free from all these flashbacks and love how we want to live

@Jynx

Thankyou so much for your support! I'm so glad I came across this as it is helping me feel better knowing I'm not alone, that there are other people going through the same things as I am and we can band together and help each other out

Hi I also grew up in a very dysfunctional family, alcohol, drugs & violence were just normal to me. I can completely understand the feelings & it really is something that has to be unlearned - it's great you have a supportive partner as well. Just wanted you to know you are not alone ❤