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Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Hello,

My first post here, and actually only just joined. I feel like I need a place to talk/listen/learn/cope, so here I am.

Short and sweet:

I'm 45, female

Depression on and off since my 20's

Father commited suicide when I was 25ish

Father and mother should never been allowed to have children, hence a not good childhood (for me)

Won't talk to my mother or a sister anymore

Struggle with issues from the past that I just can not seem to let go of or get over.

Tried, 4 or so counsellors/psycologists- haven't seemed to help

Been on and off medications for years

Dr says I have situational depression.

I'll cope and cope until it is way past due and then go get help.

Never seriously tried to end my life due to having children.

Currently: Off the meds. I hate them. I really would like a life without them and that is what I am going to try for. I should be seeing a counsellor that I have seen before but Ijust can't bring myself to do it. Last time I saw her, she was falling asleep while I was talking. Yer, made me feel bad.

The reason for me coming here is I just don't know if what I am going through is normal.(Is there such a thing?) Struggling with anger, tiredness but yet not sleeping well, I crying for no reason when I pull up in my driveway, cranky as , and just wanting to be left alone. Some peace. I even feel stupid for writing all this, but surely someone understands?

I'm on 10 weeks holiday/leave/no job after running a cafe on my own for 18months. Long stressful days and no real money or real support. So 10 weeks was for me to "get better". I was at the point of leaving the shop, my partner as our relationship was no existant. Now I feel like (as above...aka crap) and just wonder if I will ever get back to being ok/normal/myself. I need a job, no one can live on no money, but I don't know what job, or if I could even be nice to people if I found one. Is more time needed? I really don't know.

I think that's enough. I reckon I could blubber on forever.

Cheers and "Hi

mixed_up

16 replies

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In response to: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Hi Bridget,

Thanks for your reply. pip mentioned the internet and such and I have looked at self help books. I google lots of different things, depending on how I am feeling to try and help myself. I should walk, like most of us should, because it helps, but of course excuses come. I am going to have to just force myself to get out there. I do also have a gym in my shed at home, so I really do not have any reason not to get back out there.

I rang the Dr's today and I am seeing my reserve Dr next Thurdsay. My original is on holidays. I also, with some sadness started back on my AD's. I moved out of my partners' bed and set up in a spare room. I need some space and I need some time. I know I'm sick now and he doesn't agree with ADs so there really is no point talking to him about it.

I felt so enraged this afternoon, so much that I trully thought I was going to explode, so I went to bed. It is really the only way I can stop my head. Except at night when I just can't sleep! But now the rage has gone and I'll browse the forums a little.

Cheers 🙂

In response to: Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

@mixed_up Sounds like you do need alone time. Good on you for moving in another room, if thats what you need to do. I know, its horrible feeling so angry. I often feel like running away. I hope your doctor can help you.

Chat here anytime, about anything you feel like, if it helps you.

In response to: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

I understand about not feeling like exercising. There have been times when I can't force myself to exercise, but lately I can force myself, mostly. Struggling to today. I get cranky that it's not easier to do it. 😂

In response to: Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

I know what you mean. I have dogs I should be walking. They but's are..... live in the country so no footpaths and have to walk on the road.Don't want to see some people that "Might"drive past. It's cold and my asthma will play up....blah blah.... All excuses I know. But I have decided, at 1pm today, I will get out and go for a walk!! There, I am now accountable for doing what I say I'm going to do.

I ended up going back into my partners bed. He didn't like that I was going to sleep in another room and he said it would bother him and he wouldn't be able to sleep himself. So I went back. Last thing I need if for him to be cranky through lack of sleep.

In response to: Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Hi @mixed_up I hope you get good sleep moving back in to your partners room. Are you a good sleeper?

Let me know if you get out for your walk today. It's hard disciplining ourselves when we don't feel well.

When it comes to the time when I need to start exercising or going for a walk, I get really cranky, because I find it hard to find motivation for everything. It seems that I have to push myself constantly, every day. Once I get out the door and start, it seems alot easier. If only the motivation came easier. Grr!

What sort of dogs do you have? We have a very fluffy, spoilt cat.

You mentioned that you have 10 weeks off work. When do you have to go back? Are you planning on going away anywhere?

In response to: Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Re: Hello from me, and blurted it all out......

Hi Bridget,

Sorry or taking so long to get back to you. Lately I have been a crap sleeper. Takes me forever to fall asleep so then let myself sleep in to get the sleep I need. I love sleeping and I do need a good 9 or more hours. Often have an hour during the day, getting old I reckon. 🙂

I have 3 dogs, but only took 1 for a walk. 2 Great Danes and a Jack Russell. 1 cat as well. I did go for the walk and the dog also enjoyed it.

I don't work at the moment so I'll have to start looking for work soon. I had bought a shop and was running that for nearly 2 years. I burnt myself out and towards the end my depression was extremely bad. I thought 10 weeks would be enough to get myself right, but I'm just not sure. Think too much I expect. So I'm trying to just take it easy and find something I will enjoy rather than something that will pay the bills.

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