What led me here tonight

@DoctorDonna,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for that revealing, beautifully written and insightful post. It must be so hard to watch someone you love suffer in that way, which you evoked when you talked about wanting to beat the anxiety up. As for those moments when your husband actually hits himself, I can't imagine how heart-breaking it must be to see it happen. It sounds like you've been beside him every step of the way, although it must have left you emotionally and physically spent sometimes. We could all learn from the strength and compassion of people like yourself.

I'm just wondering, what sorts of things do you to look after yourself? Do you have the opportunity to set aside some time for yourself?

You might be interested in this thread for wives caring for husbands, while this thread may also be helpful. Perhaps @Shaz51 may like to weigh into the conversation given her experiences with caring for a partner with mental illness? Other posters who have shared their experiences in the past include @Faith-and-Hope, @Attahua and @Jane9.

Thank you for your kind words @JoseJones

Hi @DoctorDonna

I feel for you, and can relate.

I have a husband with an undiagnosed and therefore untreated eating disorder.

It has been "hiding in plain sight" for the last five years, masquerading as a dramatic life change towards healthy living, with a massive weight loss (from a former state of morbid obesity), and the establishment of a "healthy" daily regimen of diet and exercise ....

The truth is a completely different story, driven by obsession and compulsion, and detrimental to all his relationships, quite apart from the underlying damage to his health, and accompanying mental health issues.

As a family we have decided to try to "walk him home" ....

We still love him .... and understand that he is lost within himself, but can still recover from where he is .... and this way we can still recover our relationships with him as well .... eventually ....

It is very difficult, and has taken a lot of soul-searching, adjustment, placing of behavioural boundaries .... and a whole lot of heartache along with it. I would say we are managing in the moment ..... moment to moment ..... waiting for it to surface, which it will if it remains on this tangent.

It helps to talk .... and others on this site are very understanding and supportive. You have found a community here who listen, empathise, and share the struggles of the journey.

Take care. Glad you posted.

🌷 F&H

Hello @DoctorDonna

welcome to the forum'

I know totally what you mean, mine might be a little bit diffeent in some ways ,

My husband is so much better now then a few years ago,

I am his second wife , I am a stepmother to 4 children

at the begining of our marriage I found it very hard , but over the years I have learnt a few things that have helped , I find if i am calm , my husband is more relaxed

keep in touch , if you got any question please ask and if i think of more , I will be back xx

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

my heart goes out to you. How very hard on your family and your husband. I have been very fortunate that my husband is seeking help (sees a psychiatrist weekly) I can not imagine how hard it must be when untreated.

Hope today is a good day.

🐶DD

hello @Shaz51

THankyou for your reply. It has been such an encouragement to read the replays and hear other people's stories in the "our stories" section. You are amazing to be coping with your husband illness as well as step children.

I have a step mum (though technically she isn't my step mum anymore as my Dad and her broke up) who I love and cherish ever so much. She may not have given birth to me but she is still my mum. We had a rough start (i was 14) but I can't imagine my life without her and it was worth going through the hard times to get to here. I hope your relationship with your step kids is good but even if it's not it can get better over time.

🐶DD

Hi @pip

thankyou for your reply.

thankfully we have been very supported by our Church and ministers. As my husbands illness is quite complex there is not much they can do but walk the road with us. It is such a support knowing they pray for us and opening the bible with them.

Self harm is such a strange thing to observe as it is really in my husbands case his way of trying to control him self. Many times I have held his hand so he can't as he tries to work through something.

The computer is a pro and con for us as it is a way he calms but can also cause stress. Last night he actually said to me that he wanted to play a particular game but decided not to as he felt he would get cross/sad if it didn't go well. That's a win in my books😀

🐶DD

Hello @DoctorDonna

one day at a time my friend , we are believers too and walking by faith

The step children are all adults now , a couple of them call me mum, they all love me now in their own way - they have their ups and downs but they love their dad

My husband has cancelled all help

My hubby Illness seems to run in cycles , so I can tell when things start buiding up that we need to have a day off .

he has had so many jobs over the years, until i said how about being self employed , well it has been able to give him a bit more control in his life , we have had lots of ups and downs , low income due to his illness

when he start getting anxious, flustered he starts to hurry, which causes him to get more anxious etc