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How to cope as a new mum?

NewmumCasual Contributor17 July 2016, 9:08 pm AEST

How to cope as a new mum?

I have a three and a half week old baby and I am really struggling. I have suffered previously with anxiety & depression and I fear I may be slipping into that again. The lack of sleep and the screaming of my baby and the difficulty going out with such a young child is really getting me down. Not to mention the cold, wet weather.

Nights are the worst. My husband has his own mental health challenges which makes it difficult. I like to make sure he gets sufficient sleep and I don't like asking him for help unless I absolutely have to. My baby seems to suffer from wind in his intestines which causes him pain so he can scream. Does anyone have any ideas how to treat wind or prevent it? I have tried cutting out onions, bathing him, tummy time, tummy massage, moving his legs, burping him, putting him on my knees and not much works.

Does anyone have any ideas how to help me feel better and not slip into that bad place again because I fear I am headed that way. Some days are better than others, some days much worse. I don't want any visitors except my mum and my best friend. I just can't handle people at the moment, they are too exhausting and ask the most annoying questions. How was labour? (Horrid, traumatic, not sure how else to describe it) Isn't it wonderful when they pass you the baby once it is born? (No I wanted to sleep and eat something does that make me a bad mum?) How are you finding motherhood? (I don't want to answer that, I feel a bit guilty if I was truly honest)

Any advice would be appreciated.

17 replies

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In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

DecadianSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 2:12 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

It is tough being a new mum - amid the noise and the laundry and the work and stress there is a baby!!

All the time where ever you are and what ever you are doing there is the baby!!

When I was back at that age - I had a friend pregnant with her first and she was worried - she was having dreams that she had the baby and forgot about it

Well - the baby will never let you do that - we people who have been new mothers all know this

The baby is there and they let you know

It won't last forever - the baby will turn into a person - pretty quickly actually -

Decadian

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

_ladykellingtonNew Contributor18 July 2016, 3:19 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

I feel the same. My newborn is 4 weeks and 3 days. Today I've spent most of the day crying because she won't stop crying. She wont latch on to my breast so I spend my days pumping and feeding, pumping and feeding. I'm English and so is my partner so all of our family are in the UK. I'm starting to resent my partner because I don't feel like he understands that I'm struggling. He just snaps at me. I feel very alone and yet I don't want anyone to come over. I don't want to speak to anyone. I just want my family.
I love my daughter heaps but I had an awful pregnancy suffering with hyperemesis and now she won't latch on to my boob so I spend my days strapped to a pump. She's hard to settle so I get no sleep because I have to feed then settle her then pump again ready for the next feed. Also I had a c section so have been confined to the house and my partner leaves me to play soccer every Saturday so I only have help 1 day a week. And he thinks I'm being needy if I complain about him going.
I feel like I'm loosing my mind.

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

AgnesContributor18 July 2016, 5:42 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Lady Kellington,

I know you say you don't want to speak to anyone but for your sake and that of your baby you need to talk to someone soon.

You can try your maternal nurse or your G.P. If you find it hard to get out of the house try phoning them. You might try an after care centre where you and baby both live in and receive the help you need.

You have taken the first step by using this forum and thats great.Remember pregnancy ,childbirth and breastfeeding are not always easy, especially in our nuclear society.Once baby's feeding settles you will find everything improves...I always found that by 6 weeks everything just settled into place. Best of luck to all.

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

-karma-Senior Contributor18 July 2016, 8:07 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Panda

is a perinatal anxiety and depression service here;

http://www.panda.org.au/

@PANDA perhaps you would like to contribute to this thread?

The number is

1300 726 306

Best

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

NewmumCasual Contributor18 July 2016, 8:49 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

@_ladykellington that sounds terrible

I know what you mean about not wanting to see people but feeling alone :

Do you only have a week and a half left before the six week check up. Are you healing well from your c section? Hopefully then you will be able to go out more.

Lots of hugs, I feel your pain.

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

DecadianSenior Contributor19 July 2016, 10:16 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Hi @Newmum

I understand - you feel you might lose your mind - not likely - this too shall pass

You do need family or close friends during this time of your life - and your husband doesn't get it - often men don't.

I had to make the choice between giving up on breast feeding and starting with the bottle early - I didn't know anything about inverted nipples until I was bursting with milk - and the baby couldn't latch on - I was not it the mood to express and go through the bottle stuff as well - so I put the baby onto formula rather than go through all that extra work

There are of course a lot of people frown on this kind of interaction but this is the time to be as ruthless as possible to get rid of anything that is making life harder for you and your life with that breast pump is not helpful when your baby is so unhappy. I have regretted not breast-feeding but that child grew into a fine woman without it -

You do need to talk to someone to get some idea of the best way to deal with what is happening - I am glad you have found this site - and you have to sterilize those bottles anyway

All the best with all of this - it can't last forever

Decadian

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

Unknown userMember19 July 2016, 10:54 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Hello @Newmum. The treatment for PND can be talk therapy & medication. It depends. I have read more of this thread. My heart goes out to you. I recently just got mastitis again. I've had it with all 3 children. It's usually when I'm so pulled in every corner of my life & exhausted.
So I think definitely follow what 'feels' right for you.
I.e. to breastfeed or not? To seek therapy? Medication if PND present?
I believe I had it all 3 times.
I had a terrible health nurse first time (when u need advice the most!), she said my baby was not getting enough etc & pushed me to bottle feed.
I had good supply so I persisted aside from the incredible difficulties relationship wise I had.
I listened to my mum who was kind, of wise words. She had 4 of her own!
Follow your heart.
The digestive system does take a good few months to get stronger.
I believe in chiropractic & it helped in stages for my 3rd (the windy one!).
I think I found it hard to find time for myself. Like really? Even to get to appointments to help oneself was a whole outing!
It can creep up on you.
Mostly just be gentle on yourself, & know that whatever decisions you make are the best. For you & in turn your child.x

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