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How to cope as a new mum?

NewmumCasual Contributor17 July 2016, 9:08 pm AEST

How to cope as a new mum?

I have a three and a half week old baby and I am really struggling. I have suffered previously with anxiety & depression and I fear I may be slipping into that again. The lack of sleep and the screaming of my baby and the difficulty going out with such a young child is really getting me down. Not to mention the cold, wet weather.

Nights are the worst. My husband has his own mental health challenges which makes it difficult. I like to make sure he gets sufficient sleep and I don't like asking him for help unless I absolutely have to. My baby seems to suffer from wind in his intestines which causes him pain so he can scream. Does anyone have any ideas how to treat wind or prevent it? I have tried cutting out onions, bathing him, tummy time, tummy massage, moving his legs, burping him, putting him on my knees and not much works.

Does anyone have any ideas how to help me feel better and not slip into that bad place again because I fear I am headed that way. Some days are better than others, some days much worse. I don't want any visitors except my mum and my best friend. I just can't handle people at the moment, they are too exhausting and ask the most annoying questions. How was labour? (Horrid, traumatic, not sure how else to describe it) Isn't it wonderful when they pass you the baby once it is born? (No I wanted to sleep and eat something does that make me a bad mum?) How are you finding motherhood? (I don't want to answer that, I feel a bit guilty if I was truly honest)

Any advice would be appreciated.

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In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

Unknown userMember17 July 2016, 10:21 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Hi @Newmum and welcome to our forum! Gosh you are having a rough time with bubs, it's all so new and scary for you.

When you have a history of depression & anxiety, the chances of post-natal depression are higher and this could be what is happening for you. I think many Mums (and maybe some Dads) here can totally relate to your feelings of exhaustion and distress with a baby who is unsettled and colicky. There's nothing worse than a baby screaming (especially if you are the Mum).

Do you have a good maternal and child health nurse? They are the experts on infant care and mother & baby health. I encourage you to be open with your nurse or Dr about how you are feeling. You can also call: (Both 24hr helplines)

1. Maternal & Child Health Line if you are in Victoria PH: 13 22 99

2. National Pregnancy & Baby Helpline PH: 1800 882 436

There will be remedies that can help reduce baby's wind pain and usually it improves when they are a couple of months old and their tummies have matured a bit. It's important that you get as much support as possible right now and its fine to say no to visitors especially when they ask those annoying questions!! Make sure you catch up on rest when baby is sleeping during the day. Can you ask hubby to help with part of the evening routine like giving bubs a bath or burping him after a feed?

Another thing that I found very helpful with my babies is having their backs gently adjusted by a chiropractor or osteopath who specialisies in infants. Often after birth they can have pressure on certain parts of their nervous system which causes irritation, indigestion and sleep problems.

I'm sure other parents on the forum may have some useful ideas too. Keep asking for help, it's really important.

I look forward to seeing you around on the forums.

Best wishes,

Frog

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

AgnesContributor17 July 2016, 10:47 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Dear New Mum,

I know it is really hard but you need to ask for help now.

Assuming your husband can stay on his own, and depending on your location your Doctor or Health nurse can help you get into an "after-care " centre. Both you and baby live in there and the staff can help with everything. If you can't get out of the house ring the doctor/nurse for assistance and say its urgent.

I know..I spent 4 years being unable to leave my house and get help. I so regret it now...my baby was just 2 years old.

Please let us know how you go....

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

AgnesContributor17 July 2016, 10:54 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

P.S.. there has been some controversy about chiropractors and babies recently. Be careful.

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

utopiaSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 2:44 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

@Newmum. This is going to sound weird but I tried it with my boy and it worked. I fed him round the wrong way. When breast feeding we have the baby across our body.
Now try having your babys body under your are with their legs wrapped or dangling behind their back. Then attach child to breast. I also used this position when using a bottle. I dodon't know why it worked or how it works. But it did for me and my son. Give it a go. And let us know how you get on.
Also talkung to maternal health nurse or a gp to checj if you are PND. If so, then treatment can start and you and your baby will be better in no time. Good luck and let us know wh a t happend

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

DecadianSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 4:35 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Hi @Newmum

I had had very difficult infant too - my first - and know can take a long time to sort out these issues -

However - where you are now - I understand

I was unable to breast feed my children - my first I could not even try (adopted child) and I know how distressing this is - and as far as I can think only one thing really helped and that was to push the pram - and sometimes (because of the weather) rock the pram or push the pram around the house until the baby sleeps

If you are breast feeding - do you have enough milk? I was still unable to breat feed my second child (biological) (premmie) - so it was a case of almost constantly try to get some milk in -

So for now - if you are unable to get immediate help - make sure there is enough milk available - and that you can get rest yourself when you can

If your milk is slow coming in - and you feel bottle feeding would be okay - listen to advice but only do what you feel is right - it is not always an easy thing to breast feed - esp with your first

It's unfortunate your husband can't help - and take some of this load off you - and don't worry about anything else but caring for yourself and the baby

And keep in touch - @Newmum

I may be an Old Mother now - but these things don't seem to change - having a new baby is a total culture shock - and the work load can seem impossible

Decadian

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

NewmumCasual Contributor18 July 2016, 8:43 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Thank you all for you @utopia for the advice. I'm not sure what you mean with the positioning of the baby. I want to try it though. Last night was a better night thankfully. I got a hole block of about 4 hours sleep. What type of treatment is there for PND? And what's the difference between that and baby blues?

Thank you everyone also for your comments and advice.

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

NewmumCasual Contributor18 July 2016, 8:54 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Thank you @Former-Member. I get my husband to give him a good burp when he is super gassy and cannot feed and look after the dogs. He does what he can but I don't want to ask too much from him because I need him to cope.

I know what you mean I feel so helpless when my baby is crying and clearly in pain and I cannot do anything about it. Babies have enough to deal with in this world without experiencing gas pain.

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

utopiaSenior Contributor18 July 2016, 10:33 am AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Hard to explain @Newmum. Have your baby on your breast. With his body tucked under your arm and his/her feet behind you.
Normally baby on breast and babys body is across your chest / stomach when feeding. This is turning the baby around.
So hold your baby flat under your left arm with his head at your breast.
Looks a little like holding a rugby ball

In response to: Re: How to cope as a new mum?

NewmumCasual Contributor18 July 2016, 12:57 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Thanks @utopia, I understand. I will try that next feed.

In response to: How to cope as a new mum?

Unknown userMember18 July 2016, 1:16 pm AEST

Re: How to cope as a new mum?

Heh, poor thing. Three weeks in, your only still inn the fresh & New. Bub & I are still adjusting! Have you tried the Brauer homeopathic range from chemist? I use the lot of the course of my 3 kids. Try the colic formula. My third responded well to good old gripe water from the supermarket. Your mum could pick up, ssave you the exhaustion of on lookers well meaning comments. It's all natural too. Drink chamomile tea if your are BF. It will help calm buns digestive tract. Also burning lavender, chammomile essential oils. Your doing a super job. You are not selfish at all wanting food & sleep. Lean on your mum & bestie. That's so nice they are involved & want to help. Bub's will build a beautiful bond with them too. Believe me, they know everything! And most importantly do not be hard on yourself. No new mum has any idea what they are doing!!!

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