Want to talk

Hello @Lilly6

welcome to the forums

there are lots of lovely people here to listen to you and support you, who can relate to how you are feeling

as bad as it all feels right now... there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there

Hi and welcome, @Lilly6 ! This is a good place for when you want to talk, so it's good you've joined.

I'm sorry to hear about your trauma. A lot of people here can relate, including me.

I hope you will feel that you can share with your therapist soon...I know I've received a lot of healing by being able to work through my complex childhood trauma with my therapist over the last 5 years. I don't think it can ever be fully healed, that's not possible I don't think, but a lot of progress can be made.

I am sad to think you're thinking of suicide. I'm wondering if you know the crisis line numbers? Lifeline 13 11 1 4, and Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467.

Also, I am wondering if you are on any psych medication at all? No medication names are allowed here, but if you are feeling suicidal then meds might be a good option. Do you have a supportive GP?

People here do understand how you feel, even about the SI (suicidal ideation), sadly. I hope you can find a bit of relief by being able to write about how you're feeling.

A handy forum tip is to type @ and then click on a member's name who you want to reply to - that way they'll get a notification that you're speaking to them - like I did for you above.

Thank you @NatureLover especially for your tip to use @ and member name! My therapist is the first counsellor type I have really connected with the ones provided by mental health I couldn't at all. I was able to share recent SI with her this week so I have made some progress there. She said to me though that reporting SI affects therapists as well so I felt bad sharing that then.
I have been prescribed medication but have not taken it as I hate taking medication-yes I know it probably would help especially with the intense lows I experience.
I don't have a GP right now, I live in a rural area and it is almost impossible to get an appointment in a short timeframe so I gave up.
So as you can see some progress.
I do know the crisis numbers and have used some of them in the past when experiencing the massive lows- I hate the low periods so much!!

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@Lilly6 wrote:

She said to me though that reporting SI affects therapists as well so I felt bad sharing that then.

I am a bit shocked that she said this, as a professional...did she mean that it was upsetting for her to hear? I think you need to be able to share those thoughts with a professional, if you're having them...

Can I ask who prescribed your medication if you don't have a local GP?

I personally would prefer to take medication than be suicidal - I really, really don't want to go back to that terrible place. But I know a lot of people don't like taking medication 😞

I'm glad you know the crisis numbers. @Lilly6

Hi @NatureLover

It shocked me a little bit that she would say that too, I think well hope she meant upsetting to hear. Regardless it kind of put of me off a bit.
My medication was prescribed by the GP on duty at the hospital when I had my first attempt. I had an appointment made with him while in hospital but when I went there it turned out someone had messed up and put me on the doctor's day off. Next appointment was made and was about 2.5 weeks later. Doctor's receptionist rang before the next appointment and said the doctor would be doing surgery on that day so booked me for next available appointment again a couple of weeks down the track! I had to change this one because I had work training and the next available appointment was about 3 weeks down the track as well! At this point I stopped caring about seeing a GP. 😱

I think mental health professionals need to be able to hear about SI (suicidal ideation)...it's kind of their job. I hope it won't put you off too much. @Lilly6

I'm sorry to hear about the debacle of trying to see the doctor from the hospital. That's really unfortunate. Are there any other GPs around your area that you could try? I know you said you live in a rural area...

Dropping off a hi and welcome. 👋👋👋👋

@Lilly6 @Lostandalone @Titus .

Nice to see you all connecting.💙💙💙

@NatureLover

Glad you raised the bit about therapists being able to hear about SI. A gp told me recently ... its their job ... and it is. Putting that on client is inappropriate. That is what SUPERVISION is for. If the worker is not up for it, after training and support, they need to think about the nature of their job and consider changing jobs. It is not just about sitting in a nice office, in nice clothes saying nice things, and side shifting anything too difficult to the pdoc, and patholoigising it per se. There are plenty of normal humans who feel suicidal.

I thought about SI a lot. It took a very long time before I could allow myself to even utter my own feelings about it. To block or not hold the client's confidence with due regard can be very unhelpful and drive the thoughts back into the unutterable realm.

@Lilly6

Welcome, touching Elbows, hope things start to look for you. She may be a the best fit you can get for the moment idk. Take Care