NQR atm

Have bipolar with psychosis am not doing so well atm after mania episode I tend to retreat to my bed partly to make up for lost sleep but mostly so I can block out the days following plus forget how I'm feeling & limit my exposure to my kids while I'm sick

I call it being in "My coma"

I slept for four days & nights straight this time.I don't eat only drink & only wake to go to the loo.

once I wake up & begin to snap out I it get the guilts this time though I'm feeling severely depressed my thoughts are not healthy ones & my anxiety is causing me to pick & scratch myself so much so that I'm now looking horrible & sore.

I'm tired of isolating cause I look like shit ,lettingmy kids down

I've never been to treatment or hospital for my illness so I'm terrified of the thought.

I try to fix myself so the need for admission doesn't happen.

I also wonder if I contribute to my illness by not seeking help

beyond prescription medicine for my BPD.

Any feedback will be appreciated.