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Something’s not right

NQR atm

BPD1Casual Contributor

NQR atm

Have bipolar with psychosis am not doing so well atm after mania episode I tend to retreat to my bed partly to make up for lost sleep but mostly so I can block out the days following plus forget how I'm feeling & limit my exposure to my kids while I'm sick

I call it being in "My coma"

I slept for four days & nights straight this time.I don't eat only drink & only wake to go to the loo.

once I wake up & begin to snap out I it get the guilts this time though I'm feeling severely depressed my thoughts are not healthy ones & my anxiety is causing me to pick & scratch myself so much so that I'm now looking horrible & sore.

I'm tired of isolating cause I look like shit ,lettingmy kids down

I've never been to treatment or hospital for my illness so I'm terrified of the thought.

I try to fix myself so the need for admission doesn't happen.

I also wonder if I contribute to my illness by not seeking help

beyond prescription medicine for my BPD.

Any feedback will be appreciated.

21 replies

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In response to: NQR atm

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Bunniekins

I know him professionally but I had to swallow my pride to ask for him and it was the only way I’d agree to come in to hospital. Something had to go right in this awful year.

In response to: Re: NQR atm

BunniekinsSenior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Eve7 I must say you are sounding well :). I hope the up and up continues for you and that your professional relationship with your psychiatrist stays positive for you. I know how hard schizophrenia can be on the soul.

In response to: Re: NQR atm

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

Thank you @Bunniekins . I hope so.

When I told my Psych I had been well for 20 years his response was...no, you haven’t been well, you’ve learned to fake your health.

He thinks because of covid and Family things it’s all resurfaced and I had nowhere to hide. Working from home has brought out my demons.

This forum is my safe (and real) place. I am so grateful for everyone’s acceptance here.

In response to: Re: NQR atm

BunniekinsSenior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Eve7 Interesting what your pdoc said. May I ask were you on meds during the past 20 years for schizo? I love the forum too the people here take you on warts and all. I dont know where I would be without it tbh :).

In response to: Re: NQR atm

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Bunniekins no, I stopped taking meds (and I would never recommend that). I’m drugged to the eyeballs now though plus ect.

In response to: Re: NQR atm

BunniekinsSenior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Eve7 yeah I would never stop taking my meds I would be as nutty as a fruit cake lol. Your story makes me nervous though. Our sanity relying on meds .....

In response to: Re: NQR atm

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

I am shattered to be like this again.

@Bunniekins

In response to: Re: NQR atm

BunniekinsSenior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Eve7 Hugs and hugs sweetheart I bet you are. You have me quite teary. The forum family will sit and stand with you hunny you are not alone in dealing with this i promise.xxx

In response to: Re: NQR atm

BunniekinsSenior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

@Eve7 sweetheart I have to go but will be on again in the early morning. Take good care of yourself. Tag me whenever you want and I will get back to you asap. Love peaxxx

In response to: Re: NQR atm

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: NQR atm

Thank you. Meds and bed for me soon but I’ll catch up on the weekend. Hope your night is good.

@Bunniekins ❤️👍

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