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BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

wantstofixCasual Contributor14 May 2020, 9:42 pm AEST

BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

Hi,

I have been married for over 20 years and have 3 awesome kids with my wife. we met when we were still teenagers and have been married since our early 20's. I desperately love my wife and would do anything for her however in recent times things had been getting worse and worswe to the point where saw my only option to protect my children and myself from the increasing levels of mental,psycological and at times (towards me) physical violence was to file for a family violence restraining order.

This was and still is the most upsetting and difficult decision that I have had to make in my life as I still want to maintain my marraige. She is sending me very mixed messages as she has both mentioned that she still has strong feelings for me and wants to fix things but at the same time has hinted that she has (or is about to ) move on.

I fully believe that my wife suffers from BPD however understandably she has either not wanted to tell me or her Psycoligist has not expressly told her what she is suffering.

I am just wondering if there has been anyone out there who has seperated from their partner and has had success in reconciling and moving forward after being seperate for several months?

If so then I am after all and any advice that you have to offer as I am really struggling and want to do what I can to try and get back on track.

At this stage she is very much blaming me for everything and is not able to see that not only was it a very difficult thing to do (harrowing to not allow her to return to our home due to restraining order) but is it also extreemly difficult to maintain a full time job, house and 3 kids that are working through the trauma as well.

I am hoping that she will be able to see that I am massively in pain for the whole situation and understand that the steps I took were out of love for my wife, my kids and myself.

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In response to: BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

GunnygalNew Contributor06 July 2020, 11:43 pm AEST

Re: BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

Hi Fudge2, I am new to this forum but thank you for this post, it's nice to hear there are others in nearly the exact position as I am. My husband has recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder on top of years of BPD. I have two young boys as well and don't know how longer I can keep "holding" up the family. I agree it is exhausting and am at my witts end what to do.
Stay strong, I totally understand the pain you are going through.

In response to: BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

Ma_12New Contributor21 July 2020, 8:32 pm AEST

Re: BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

I feel for you 😢 I too was married when I was young (19yrs) and have 3 children. But my circumstances differ in that whilst I was supporting my husband to get treatment for his depression, he was seeking counsel from another woman who he eventually left me and the kids for. For 15months after walking out on us he had being saying that he was getting psychological help but I recently found out that he had actually moved countries to live with that woman. I can't help but think I enabled his deceit and lies but believing his depression stories. I think I have too much sympathy cos I still want to believe him even now but can't tell if he's lying because he's depressed or if he really doesn't love me and my kids anymore. I work full time and raise my kids on my own. It's the worst experience of my life and I don't know what to do or if I should just move on 😢

In response to: Re: BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

wantstofixCasual Contributor22 July 2020, 2:12 am AEST

Re: BPD , long term marraige and crisis point

Ma_12,

I'm hearing you, Easier said than done but it sounds like it is his loss... sounds like you are far better off without that in your life. I feel your pain but I am sure that things will get better for you.

I highly recommend counseling as it is the one thing that has helped me a lot. Still a long way to go but am at least moving. I hope you're moving forward as it is the only way to go .

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