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Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
I'm at work, so I'm safe enough for now.
I feel miserable. I haven't spoken more than two words to anyone all week.
And on Monday I decided I will die. Don't have a solid plan. Or a solid date for it.
I am so tired. Tired of pretending I am okay. Tired of living.
Sorry for whinging, I just need to write/say it.
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
utopiaSenior Contributor
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Unknown userMember
In response to: Re: I don't feel very safe.
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Oh @Crazy_Bug_Lady stay with us. The world does need people like you.
You need to be strong and do a tough job ... and sometimes the other workers may feel the same and so there does not seem place for the more tender side of you ... put less energy and effort into the mask and if it slips and you spit the dummy stay with it ... thinking of you.
Just do whatever gets you throug. The Pdoc may not say something fantastic in the session .. it might be you that says something that makes the session worth-while. They are witnessing or walking with you ...
We push on through slings and arrows and real and imagined ... like @Decadian I mostly want to be here now. Things have changed ... more inside me than outside, but not in a way that denies who I am ... it is more that it has taken this long to piece all the bits together and make sense of life ... and I feel sad about the things that did not work out .. but mostly I feel I did my best and am in a position ... to live a good life. so that is what I am trying to do ... if it can turn around for me ... it can turn around for others ...
I was very obssessed with suicide. I also started to talk myself into it doing it by jeering at my fear or weak ness to go through with it ... but that is just a silly stubborn argumentative part of me which is lessening.
reach out to real people.
This week my son and I went to the Alain de Botton talk ... he started off saying .. that all people needed to own up to their "own crazy" ... a lot of people do ... we know some dont ... but I hold out hope that you will find people that are right for you. You heard of his School of Life?
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
BastSenior Contributor
Hi Crazy Bug Lady
Maybe you did get lucky although it might just be about your capabilities. We all fund it hard to recognise our many strenghs and achievements. I am so sorry you copped a 'brush off' from your friend - people often don't get or don't want to know.
I think that trying so hard to keep going is very impressive - gold stars to you.
I am also very glad of your replies although I just keep thinking I am the most uniteresting person in the world. I try to do good stuff and regularly fail.For instance I can't stand my meds so am titrating down alone - my PDoc will not be pleased. I somehow want to figure out what is real and not absolute emotionless and a episode of what felt like hypomania. I am still very embaressed and ashamed about it. No one deserves to be attacked extremely impolitely. In addition to that problem I am struggling with doing my job appropriately and this is upping the anti for another round of misery. I am convinced that dropping the meds might help.
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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