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Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
I'm at work, so I'm safe enough for now.
I feel miserable. I haven't spoken more than two words to anyone all week.
And on Monday I decided I will die. Don't have a solid plan. Or a solid date for it.
I am so tired. Tired of pretending I am okay. Tired of living.
Sorry for whinging, I just need to write/say it.
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Unknown userMember
Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady
I am sorry to hear how much you are struggling at the moment. I am so glad you have reached out to us - your friends here - to let us know how you're feeling. Sometimes it can be such a relief just to say it out loud "I'm not okay". You know you don't have to go through it alone, we are here for you.
If these thoughts continue and you feel like you're needing more support to stay safe, I really encourage you to reach one to one of these services:
Lifeline 13 11 14 or online chat
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or online chat
You are a tremendously valuable member of our community so I hope you will continue to hang out here with us and chat to us if you need to, even if it's just for some distraction. Please don't for a second think that you are 'whinging'. So many people here know and understand what it's like to feel the way you do right now, and would never judge you like that.
Take care of yourself today. Mosaic.
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
pipSenior Contributor
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ChrisSenior Contributor
I like many others here know where your comming from. I get so very tired of the everyday struggle, and feel like i cant go on. At those times i try to think of individual family members and how it would effect them. I have a 18year old grandaughter and think how it would effect her. Well i couldnt it to her. She has jusr had her birthday and ii couldnt do it to her then.
The bottom line is i know i just want things to change, but change takes time. Sometimes i feel like its just all in the too hard basket, so my responce is to cancel appointments with my psychiatrist and psychologist. Not helpful, because thats the time i really need to see them.
There are time when i really want to reach out and say exactly whats on my mind, but fear rejection.
So what do i do? First with wanting to die think of family
2 keep myself safe.
3 use mindfulness be aware of what i am doing
4 the worst case scenario i dont want to end up on dialisis or worst unable to do anything for myself.
Make contact with one or more of my therapist's. I am very lucky i can contact them any time.
Focus on today and what you have achieve however small.
Be kind to yourself and do some self soothing. A nice hot shower, moisturiser get into bed and pull the covers up. Some nice soothing music. Sip on a hot chocolate.
All these i find break the cycle and an give some relief. I use one ar all depending on how i feel.
Dont give up on yourself. Noone here has given up on you. Keep talking here if it helps. Take care of yourself. Lots of hugs.
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
DecadianSenior Contributor
Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady
It's terrible feeling that way - If we are honest I think most of us feel that way sometimes
It's over 30 years when things got so desperate for me - I'm glad I'm still here
But why?
Things do change - I don't know about getting better - but things change
I felt desperate - I was alone - and things were so dark - I get it.
Today is significant for me too - there are times when I know what I went through was a learning experience I am glad I waited around to have - perhaps other people don't see it that way - but I count life as a gift we are free to ditch if we want to
Going on for whatever reason takes courage - so does leaving - but in spite of everything - life is a lot different now - I have choices I never saw back then
My Pyschiatrist told me that things would change - I couldn't see it
My minister told me to stop trying to change things - like WHAT!!!!!! should we not try and improve life?
Anyway - it is not necessary to do anything - wait and see - and I know that is damn near impossible at times
But - whatever you do - do it for yourself
I do get it
Decadian
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Oh my friend @Crazy_Bug_Lady
sending you tender hugs 
I love seeing the photos of your animals , take care , and keep in touch xx
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Unknown userMember
Hey @Crazy_Bug_Lady im here for you too. I am in a similar place to you currently and things seem so overwhelming. Does your psych know how you are feeling? I hope you get back to the way you were feeling before the medication change soon. And I think @Decadian may have a point. It's probably been harder with this winter being cold and blustery and I think you work in the elements too. Give yourself some time to get past this and I think some Disney movies and chocolate are a requirement for now. Thinking of you and sending hugs💜😊
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Unknown userMember
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
In response to: I don't feel very safe.
Unknown userMember
In response to: Re: I don't feel very safe.
NikNikSenior Contributor
Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady
I'm really glad you have an appointment on Tuesday.
If we can help with strategies and distractions until then, please let us know.
There's this great thread called 'Coping box' that some amazing woman started 
Please let us know how we can be helpful for you over the next few days
Take care
Nik
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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