I'm so glad you started this thread @marylouise because I needed to talk about the same thing. I manage to get out of bed and get my toddler ready and to daycare. It's SUCH a battle walking into his school and signing him in - I'm not sure why, but I dread it to the point of hating the process of saying hello to the teachers and feeling their eyes on my unkempt self. It keeps me up at night it's so bad.
Once I get home, I'm empty, aggitated and lost. It's like I don't know how to "do" life. I know I could clean, apply for a job, do all sorts of to-do-list tasks, but I feel paralysed. To be clear, I want to do these things very badly, but I literally am unable to complete many of them. I can do cleaning or laundry ok some days, but the brain function needed to apply for a job or do taxes is dreadfully absent. I used to love reading books, and now I can't keep up with the plots. I was not like this a year or so ago. I was in a well-paid professional role and "doing it all" complete with heels and a fresh face of makeup. I think I suck at life now. Most of my time is spent staring at the walls (literally). I can't seem to overcome it now matter how much mindfulness, therapy, walks, good meals, meds, etc. that I do. It feels really scary to feel like this. Like really scary. Like really really scary.
