New to this Forum: Caring for teenager (undiagnosed)

We've had a long, long, long road with our 18 year old daughter. Three suicide attempts, self harm in her early teens (cutting), extreme moments of anger, selfishness, self destructive behaviour incl damaging walls in her room ... and now complete idleness every day as a result of leaving school in Term 1 Year 12 and onto delberatey losing three jobs (one traineeship) in a row - or quitting/not calling back after a trial.

She went to Head Space for a while - but was not engaged and won't go to any counsellors. Flatly refuses.

She has seen a locum psychiatrist in our regional area and a top psychiatrist at Westmead but she is also a good actress/manipulator and he was fooled that she was just a normal teenager and that I was an overstressed and highly strung mother. She is on an anti-anxiety drug which she takes most days, screams at me if I remind her and is even more monsterous if she doesn't take it.

I can't think of one nice thing to say about her and I feel awful about that. My girlfriends have teenagers of course, and one had a troubled teen for a few years but he's on the straight and narrow now, so I feel totally alone.

My husband is a very distant parent, always has been and has always encouraged me to not bother with our teen, ignore her as he does (and does with our ther child too). We are not on the same parenting page. Not even on the same planet. I honestly think he thinks having the kids was a mistake.

My Mum passed away before all this happened - 8 years ago this month - and I am enstranged from my father who is a verbally abusive narcissist and that's the only comfort I get from Mum's passing - that she is finally free from him. My brothers listen but they are tough love devotees - send her off to the Army one says - as if she would go!

I worry about the affect on our other daughter who is 12 and getting more withdrawn and angry with me most of the day. The cusp of teenage hood.

Any help would be lapped up. Sorry about any typos.