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Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Hello lovely forumites. I'm helping out the Community Managers with some new threads and I thought it might be useful to talk about why self-care can be so hard at times.

Self-care is anything we purposely do to support our health and wellbeing, and a lot of us struggle with it. For some people it's not having much space in the day. For others there are thoughts that they don't deserve it, or that they shouldn't need it, or that it's self-indulgent...

Does anyone else experience this? What do you do to start to tune into that self-compassion and self-care?

116 replies

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In response to: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Hi @cakie181 and welcome to SANE 🙂

Such a great question! I'm curious to hear other's thoughts too 🙂

In my experience when I was in some of the most difficult parts of my recovery journey, I really struggled with basic self care such as showering. Sometimes because I was just so tired or in pain, and other times because I struggled with motivation to do anything.

What has the experience been like for you @cakie181? What does difficulties look like for you?

Looking forward to hearing from you

In response to: Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

I find it hard just to get motivated or to find a reason to just get in there,find all sorts of ways to delay and procrastinate,

In response to: Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Motivation can be so hard at times, can't it @cakie181
I might tag a few other members who visit this thread to share their thoughts and experiences too @Shaz51 @Adge @Posie1

In response to: Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Hello @cakie181 and welcome to the forum

Yes Motivation can be so hard at times, and as a carer myself , I find it hard to fit "Me " in

How to build routines that benefit your mental health is a good one to click on too and read

and also we have a couple of encouraging threads like Daily Achievements! by @Judi9877

@frog, @Anastasia , @Daisydreamer

In response to: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Hi there @cakie181 and welcome to the forums!
I read that you struggle with self care at times. Believe me, I know what that's like because I have depression as one of my illnesses and know that a simple thing like showering can be a real effort at times. I know that it can be difficult taking care of yourself at times and that's tough but the best way I look at it is to set myself small goals and reward myself accordingly. I had to do this to myself 5 years ago when I broke my right foot and had to contend with putting my foot and leg in a garbage bag and then taping it up with sticky tape before I could even consider having a shower which was such an effort that I only showered once every 2 days for several weeks because of the pre shower workout I got before I even had a shower! I used to reward myself with little things like a book or time doing a favourite thing once I was showered like watching a DVD or calling a friend for a chat, anything to make myself happy and feel good about having a shower. I did feel nice and refreshed after the shower which made the experience enjoyable but when I had my broken foot, it certainly didn't seem enjoyable!


Maybe you could set yourself of just having a shower once every second day as a starting point to help you get back into this routine? Reward yourself for your achievement each time you do this with something small so it's regarded as an important daily event.

I hope this advice helps! Feel free to look at the Daily Achievements! thread for ideas on what other forum members like myself regard as achievements as I believe anything can be an achievement if it means something to you, no my how big or small!

Judi9877☺️💐

In response to: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Re: Self-care - Why can it be so hard?

Hello @cakie181 , @Judi9877 , @Shaz51

and others visiting this thread.

I have noticed, over the past six months, that many people have reflected on their difficulty bathing, showering and maintaining their personal hygiene. Similar reports relate to your question @cakie181 , on the 2 November '21.

"Does anyone else have difficulties in showering often?"

This is a situation, or difficulty, that I have also experienced, though it has taken me quite some time to openly state the existence of that issue for me. This problem has often been ascribed, by others as, or attributed to being a consequence of physical difficulties, motivational problems and other issues, most often related to, or connected with other mental health issues and particularly depression.

It is often, only the need to prepare for a social encounter, shopping, visitors, appointment with a medical or psychological adviser, an event for which presentation is important, that sufficient motivation can be generated to address the issue at any given time. These events can be relatively infrequent and made even more so by avoidance and the delay or postponement of such activities, until they become absolutely necessary.

We can seem, when we do need to give care to preparing ourselves, to be able to draw from a residual of pride and self respect, in such circumstances, that allows us to be able to press ourselves - myself - to make the effort to present ourselves, at least or even on infrequent occasions, in a manner and condition that we may previously have considered as 'normal', in better times.

From my own perspective, my difficulties seem, in part, to arise from no longer being able to project myself into a psychological position of seeing myself existing in a better place. The word dispair comes to mind. This also connects with other issues, such as accumulation of items and hoarding, which may either be seen from defensive, protective barrier and possibly, an extreme or exaggerated form of contingency preparedness perspective.

However, labels, such as "hoarding" and "hoarder" and other such descriptive terms, can often project me into negative perception territory, whereby, even the application of such a label can elicit the feeling of a personal situation being seen, or perceived as unrecoverable, irredeemable, lost. These feelings and perceptions can be either a product of circumstances, or be precursors of other issues and perceptions. In this way, they can, at various times, be either the effects of preceding events, or the cause of subsequent events and outcomes.

What appears evident to me, is that most of these issues are, in some way or ways, connected with each other. They are not individual events, but a conglomeration of, or sequence of related events and outcomes. Because of this, I believe that it is the whole structure that needs to be addressed; while addressing the individual components, or symptoms when they become particularly intrusive or have impacts that are disproportionately large in relation to other factors in the larger combination or structure.

I would be interested in the thoughts of other members.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX

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