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Something’s not right

Darkness

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2020, 7:03 pm AEST

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

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In response to: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 9:39 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't get that notification. Well I'm glad you have tonight off hun. How you feeling now?
@outlander

In response to: Re: Darkness

outlanderSenior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 9:41 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

thats ok @Lee82 no worries

still the same. always feeling pressure in some aspect of my life i guess. just wearing out from it. now i just seem to sigh alot because i dont have words or cant be bothered talking to anyone.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 9:46 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

I get that babe. I know how sometimes you just don't have the words anymore to describe what you are feeling. That repeating yourself all the time gets tiring and you just want it all fixed and better.
being in pain is frustrating and annoying. I am so sorry you have to go through it everyday. Wish I could take it all away for you hun.
@outlander

In response to: Re: Darkness

outlanderSenior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 9:50 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

thanks @Lee82
i totally understand why people just answer 'im fine' to anyone who asks even if they arent fine. its often easier to just say that and put the mask on then to take it off and show what your actually feeling. it is tiring.
ive been dissociating quite abit lately too even when im driving so im having to be careful all the time and really focus on everything im doing

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 10:08 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

That's not good hun especially when you are driving. I have had those moments when I can't remember how I got to a certain place or can't remember the drive at all.
it is definitely easier to say your are fine most of the time. I say that to mum every single day. Just can't be bothered explaining myself all the time and most of the time it's just the same feelings and most of the time no one in my life truly understands beside everyone here on the forum. It is a very lonely life.
@outlander

In response to: Re: Darkness

outlanderSenior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 10:15 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

i think its just because im tired or overwhelmed constantly its my brains way of coping. its just not helpful when driving. ive been able to able to catch it abit early just in the spacey headspinny start of it . @Lee82

yeah not many get it here either and i cant open my mouth otherwise im attention seeking etc. if my sisters are having issues its the end of the world. when my littlest sister was having a hard time at school with a bully, it was blamed on me because i should listen more and then mum went on sharing all the lifeline numbers and shite. i cant even breathe here but no one sees it or if they do they ignore it. its quite sad really. i dont really want to get into it though because it upsets me and everyone here talking about my family situation.
i watch everyone around me interacting with friends but i barely get a hello unless they want something. even at the horses today, 2 clients were there and i said hello but i had my hands full so had to keep walking before i dropped everything but didnt even get a hello back, they walked away to the other side of the car.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 10:27 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

It's not right and it's not fair but we don't have to get into it right now because I don't want to upset you anymore than you already are hun. Just know that you are cared about here, you are loved here and we all hear you and see you (figuratively speaking) loud and clear. We enjoy your company and want to help you and keep you company as much as we can. You are a special person hun with a heart of gold.
I truly enjoy chatting with you 💗

@outlander

In response to: Re: Darkness

outlanderSenior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 10:28 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

thanks @Lee82

i am lucky to have you and my friends here.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Lee82Senior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 10:33 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

I am so glad I found this forum. It has helped me so much. Getting to know everyone and getting support from people who understand has been amazing.
@outlander

In response to: Re: Darkness

outlanderSenior Contributor03 Aug 2020, 10:35 pm AEST

Re: Darkness

im glad you found here too @Lee82 i like having you around and talking to you

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.