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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Sweet dreams @Zoe7 hope you are able to stay asleep my friend 💗

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Sleep sweet my friend @Zoe7 💖 Thank you for listening my sweet

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Please it's your turn now, talk to me sweetie 💖 @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Nothing really happened my love just feeling really really low today. Feeling helpless and alone. I feel like I am going deeper into this black hole. I'm afraid I will never get better. I am so over trying all these f**king distraction techniques and mindfulness stuff and positive thinking to find nothing works. Am I that broken that I can't be fixed. @Former-Member

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey @outlander I see you supporting posts. How are you doing my friend?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

My love of course you not so broken that you can't heal. It's just going to take sometime, especially since you are doing what you do best and putting you kids first,(not a criticism). You know you are not alone, don't you? You boys love you so much and let's not forget Boris and then there is me and your other friends here. I wish I could do something else to help you my beautiful friend. @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thanks beautiful. @Former-Member

Im just hurting a lot right now.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

My heart is hurting for you my Lee. Wishing more than anything that I could give you a hug right now and make you see how loved you are and how much you have to offer to the boys, to your friends, to me and to the world. Please be safe tonight my love @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I'm feeling rejected and unwanted, misused and a waste of space.

What exh did to me has left me feeling like a dirty piece of sh** that can be used and abused and tossed away. I am really feeling all the emotions of that night tonight.
sorry this is really not what you need right now. I think that might be enough sharing. It's just that all the emotions, thoughts and feelings are coming out because I have to see him again tomorrow night when he comes to pick up the kids. @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

You are most definitely not any of those things. They get off on that control and being able to make us feel powerless and worthless. But when you get a chance to really start healing you will slowly undo that power he has over you. You will start to see the beautifully strong woman that I see in you.

@Lee82 , never apologise for telling me how you are feeling. It's what I am here for my love

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