Tough Times

I finally get to share a win with you, my friends. One of my cousins and I have always been the black sheep of our families and kinda stuck together. But a few years ago I gave into pressure from our families and pushed her for information that she wasn't willing to give and she stopped talking to me and for good reason. I felt horrible and kept sending her messages but nothing. I had almost given up hope when she finally replied to a comment on fb. So now I am planning a trip down south to see her. This will be my first ever solo long distance road trip. 9 hrs 33 minutes directly to her, I have worked out how much I need to save for a four day weekend with her. As soon as covid19 is out of the way I will be heading down. She has six children and I don't know five of them can't wait. I am more than a little excited today.

@Lee82 @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Sans911 @outlander @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Snowie @The-red-centaur @HopefulWarrior @Angels333 @mudsum

@Lee82 , my love I so sorry today is being a b**** for you 😞 hopefully you too can get them sorted and get some much needed rest. As you can tell from the post I am having an ok day. Just a much needed ray of sunshine for me. Love you always my friend

That is amazing news sweets. I am so happy for you. Something to look forward to and aim for gorgeous. I am so glad something has finally gone well for you. You deserve it.
sending you a big celebratory hug

❤️ @Former-Member

@Lee82 , thank you sweetie💖💖💖

@mudsum , thank you and enjoy your walk, but I offer you loads of love to take with you not just a little. Do you have a thread you go to a lot? If you do and don't mind I would love you to tag me so we can chat and support each other a little more. 🦋🦋🦋

This perfectly sums up how I feel right now.

Hope everyone is having a good afternoon

@Lee82 @mudsum @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Sans911 @Former-Member @outlander @Shaz51 @Angels333 @SpiderLady @Purplerain and anyone else passing through this afternoon 💖

@Lee82 , how are you holding up my love?

@mudsum , Hope you enjoyed your walk

Exactly how I feel @Former-Member. I just went for a little walk to try and clear my head and now I can't move. Feel like I have just run a marathon.
not doing very well honey and it doesn't help the guilt when Mr12 keeps asking me why I am so sad all the time and why I am so touchy. I am ruining their lives. It's just not fair. To top it off Mother's Day Sunday and the very last thing I want to do is celebrate Mother's Day when I don't deserve to be celebrated.

To quote Nikki "IN MY MOST CARING BUT STERN VOICE" I call Bull***t. You get up every morning and you pull your mummy mask on the best you can and you are there for those boys. When you want to hide from the world you make cookies with them or for them, you home school them, you watch movies with them. You could have given up long ago but those boys keep you grounded and here. My love, simply the love you have for them is worth celebrating. Mr12 is just trying to understand and I am sure he is not trying to make you feel guilty. Please be gentle with yourself, remember use kind words when you talk about yourself.

Love you 3000 @Lee82

I can't help it. I feel like a failure in every part of my life. I have always been one. Mum would call me that all the time. I failed my marriage, I failed my job, I failed my studies, I failed my friends and family and now I am failing at being a mum.
this is not enough for them. They deserve so much more. It gets hammered into me all the time. You shouldn't let them do that, you should be doing more of this, they need to do that, they need to do this. It's hard to think any other way when you have someone telling you all the time what your doing wrong. I wish I had the strength to stand up to her. F**k how I wish I could tell her everything. Everything I have been through and everything she has put me through. Living here and seeing how she treats her other daughter is like a dagger straight through my heart. I get reminded constantly how proud she is of her and everytime I get flashbacks of my own childhood of all the times she would say I have disappointed her. Living here is not good for me. I need to go back home. @Former-Member

Thanks @Former-Member for your supports. It means a lot to me. Hope you doing well. ❤️

Babe, I am so sorry if I was to harsh it wasn't how it was meant to come across. For only the second time here on the forums I am lost for words. You are a beautiful person with a beautiful heart, who has been treated horribly by those who are meant to love you. You have been feed lies about yourself to make them feel better about themselves and the repeated those lies until you believed it. You are not a failure my love.

@Lee82