Numb again

Yes I totally agree @Pollyotter We should not define anyone by colour, gender, religion or sexuality. People are people and they all should be seen as equal. There are of course those that hurt others that do not deserve our further consideration but we also need to hold out some hope for them otherwise it can be all consuming for those of us on the receiving end. We can never forget and certainly most often cannot forgive but we also cannot let that hurt rule our lives because then they win again and again. ...but like you, I am sick of people being pidgeon holed for their race, colour, etc. and much like mental illness the stigma attached to those people needs to be part of a wider conversation about equality.

I have stopped tagging people because of the crazy drama that may unfold. I have noted in the past that there would be an exchange of words that is so unnecessary. It feels so wrong because it feels like I am keeping family and friends away from me. My heart bleeds for everyone affected in some way or another by something.

keeping others in mind isn't always easy but once you take the first steps it gets easier.

I had this wonderful conversation with a lady who has been through things that I can not repeat not even in real life. Let's just say while she told me what was happening I could feel how my body was getting cold and I started to cry out of rage. How could a father be this cruel I kept on thinking.

She is a lovely strong-willed and soft-spoken woman. We spoke about triggers and flashbacks and night terrors as well as panic attacks. All as if we are just chatting as if we are having a cup of coffee.

She has invited me over for dinner. normally I would not because I hate going to someone's house alone for the first time but she has become my new role model and I hope I can be as great as her when I reach that age. A feeling of home in a person is what I have been needing for a long time a

I question my feelings of safety as well as my feelings of connecting with her so fast. But I however can not keep on second-guessing everyone who crosses my path.

I will allow myself to go on this adventure and see where the path leads me to.

@Zoe7

Fully agree on Zoe

I am a proud lesbian white woman yes. but that doesn't mean that I want to be only identified as that.

I hope that one day maybe a few generations down the line it will be different and we will be able to accept one another with our own cultures and histories but as people none the less.

Hope your day was good .

@Pollyotter 👍😁💖

When does one take the step to go from victim to survivor?

How long is it ok to carry that pain around?

How long should be long enough to be under psyc care for the evil acts of others. ?

When do you feel strong enough to recognize that you are a strong person?

These answers have no timeline or time frame to it.

Yes, it is better for yourself to heal if you can and try to not have them have rule over you but there is no magic pill you can take. There is no fairy godmother who can swing her wand and say taa daa all fixed. Unless someone has been in your shoes they will not begin to understand and even if they had the exact same thing happen they will never understand truly. It is your journey to go on and it is about what you can take and whatnot.

Telling someone to "get over it " it the emotional equivalent to whipping someone. you are going to have bad days, and yes you are going to feel nasty and dirty. it is however in your power to stand up the next day and figure out the tools that you need to service and get back to being you for yourself. no one else.

You have a strength in you that no one else knows of.

Stand up for you because you are worth it from start to end.

===== This is a message aimed at me for me as I know I am going to have a very bad night tonight =====

Yes to everything you said @Pollyotter

Tag me tonight if you need - I will be around on and off but here with you when I can

@Zoe7

I will do thanks Zoe

When does it end. Feeling like you are the nasty pice of meat that you where treated as? .

Is it worth the battle still?

I don't know .

How do you fight yourself?

Quandary indeed

I have given up. I can't fight this battle like this .

It's too hard

It shouldn't be this hard anymore