World caves in

Hey @Appleblossom .... thanks for saying you would buy one of my paintings ... 😏

I am sure I will be able to reply properly once this comes through, this does create a curiosity I see someone has written something yet I cannot see it so it makes me wonder what it could be.

now that becomes very strange but also curiouser and curiouser that a post is there and at the same time not there, it's a paradox

When aboutst did it occur that the human species split in two those that lack the capacity to not feel and those with such detachment as to make the entirety of feelings a mere joke, perhaps our species is to deteriorate become creatures that merely fight, feed and fornicate perhaps it is a process that is already almost at completion, and we that still hold the capacity to feel and care are the now antiquated, in times when protection, compassion or tribes/communities/societies needed numbers I guess it was required, now it is just a loss a weakness, as now most are rogue predators thriving in isolation taking at will and leaving and endless string of bodies in their wake. Perhaps it's the beginning of a new phase of evolution, perhaps the end of evolution, perhaps an evolutionary loop back to its start, perhaps the species the planet everything is coming to an end a sort of eradication to await a renewal, perhaps .............. Do...............do you hear that the thunder of hooves beating hard upon the sky lightning bursts with every hoof strike, they ride forth a line of four, four dark demons riding four burning steeds.

Perhaps the time rapidly approaches that I must lay down arms and accept fate, would that someone could care to see me but I must deal with the fact that such things were never in my future, past nor present, I see people talk of partners, children, family, friends and even pets, shit even exes (at least they saw these things once) to those I say look at them see that they feel so deeply for you, that they are there, that to them you are something you are so very important, I never had these things no just very very very very occasional false hope. Yesterday I walked for hours along the beach seeking some sort of clarity, cold wind burnt my skin I found no clarity just emptiness and evermore pain.

one day it shall be seen upon the world the tears both fallen and unfallen from my aching eyes could make the oceans depths seem as shallow as a puddle in a drought ridden desert. But would it matter? would I?

The last conversation I had was around a week ago, no matter the location no matter what my meaning to anyone is at best fleeting, I wish I didn't have to hurt, I wish I could just delude myself, I wish I could be selfish, I just wish I didn't have to feel like this anymore

I did not ask for this I did not ask to suffer mental, psychological, emotional or sexual abuse as a child, I did not wish to see death or murder, I did not ask to suffer at the hands of so many, and whenever I would allow people in I find them no different to those that made me suffer, they like all others take and take what they can or what they want and leave but a mangled broken mess in the gutter without a further thought. I fought a fight I thought there were better but there is no better only more and more of the same, take and break no guilt, no shame, no care.

i guess I asked to much of people of anything and everything, I expected someone, some woman may one day feel something for me but in the end I guess I asked to much expected something but received only more pain when does it become more than I can withstand, when can I no longer stand under the the guilt, the fear, the pain, the memories. The unending horror images

they take and take and always take, I never asked for much I never wanted much but I never got anything but destroyed.

this may well be deleted, that's no bother to me, it happens

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

Me food simple done and eaten, chicken stock, angel hair pasta, peas, broccoli add some oyster sauce and a bit of soy, been my standard dinner for awhile now occasionally When I have funds will make fried rice or stir fry or even a burger of which I still have half a dozen in the freezer, though when I get some wrappers will make some wontons for my soup

When doing stir fry I tend to add a bit of hoisin as well, if I got some honey I could make a pretty good char siu pork too