Fear of getting old

That's a huge question @BlueBay

50 seems so young - but yes - I remember waking up one day when I was in my 50s when I had one of those horrible moments when I realised that life goes on and we get older and there is no going back

Actually I hate getting older - my body is not that of an athlete now - and I get tired of my doctor wanting me to have blood and urine tests - I told him he is looking for trouble before it exists - I have enough trouble with spinal pain - tinea - and a family history of melanoma which means I am always getting strange looking spots looked at -

Rotten - not something to look forward too

I think this is part of the bunch of things happening to you right now - your life is so bad right now - I would imagine it would bring a feeling that your life is passing and all the stress and migraine headaches and high BP makes it all feel a waste of time when you are getting older

But fear of dying - part of what you are going through now is preparing for it - we have to get our lives in order - it happens to everyone and we do not want to leave anything undone. In your case - your trip into hospital is getting some of your emotional chores attended to - so you can look forward to later years which are not so bad in some ways

Hell - we are not bothered by trivia anymore - in the change room after hydrotherapy people laugh and exchange comments about how young girls with lovely bodies hide under their towels and we have passed all that and who cares. People talk openly about the things that shamed them in their youth

It's scary to think of death - it can come so suddenly you will not know it - or it will come in its own time slowly

But I can tell you one thing - when the time comes it will be welcome - I was once so ill I wanted to die - and if it is anyone's time - they are so sick and in so much pain and so tired they are ready

It happens to everyone - we don't know what will happen. Some faith helps but not always - talking about it is a good idea - I don't mind talking about it

It's a gppd question - I am glad you asked - it takes courage to do so

Decadian [feeling like the old wise woman]

turned 53 last year can relate to @Decadian it is a time of getting ready for our time. I try and focus on all the things i have always wanted to do. Study, Work, and cooking, and trying to get better from my resent bout of Phycosis and hoping it won't come back. And generaly living my life in peace, Raised 3 children with useless ex husband. married again to a wonderful man who try very hard to understand me and my illness. Sending hugs to @BlueBay

Thanks @Former-Member

I have great faith in those words

"In my father's house there are many rooms and I go there now to prepare a place for you and if this were not the case would I have told you I shall return and take you to myself"

It is the Great Unknown that scares people - but whatever - I do not believe in Hell -

My mother had a massive stroke - her whole left-brain was blown out - they told us she would not have known anything

But she was not a believer - and had a terrible fear and lived in that fear for the last years of her life when she drove me away - but I knew she was no longer in that ancient body on the bed

But I whispered to her and released her - and I will not say what I said - but to me the room was filled with a beautiful light and she was gone - although her body lasted for several days - she was a tough old bird

Who knows what happens - but I believe - and even if I am wrong - it's not important - it happens to everyone

But having faith does help - my father was a man of faith and left easily -

Faith is having something to believe in - it takes away fear - and the anxiety of uncertainty

Did we know what life was before we were born - to accept life we had to breathe - and we screamed our anger at the cold or the hand that spanked our bottom or our feel - we howled out our own "I am" at the top of our brand new lungs and let everyone know we had left the life in the womb behind to start being a person with a name - and a future - whatever that would be

Those ancient words of the Angel "Fear not" mean so much

I hear a question - "How do I find faith?"

Alas - I don't know -

Decadian

@Former-Member@BlueBay@hope77

My Maternal Grandmother was of Irish descent - and past the Gift to my mother and then to me - and as much as my mother and I could not get along - she never denied it - we sometimes communicated without words

Gran was deeply spiritual - and she would take any work she could - and sitting with the dying was one of them - she told me that it was extremely peaceful - she would read her Bible and had only a candle - this would have been at the end of the C19th and being of the C20th -

Often toward dawn the spirit would gather its forces to leave - and she told me all of this - the candle would gutter even though there was no breeze - and the person would die - peacefully

People usually died at home back then -

Gran taught me Christian beliefs - but also spirituality - and both are important.

The thing is - @Sadgirl - in this world of noise and danger - we often don't think of the risk - but when the end comes at the end of life - the soul and the spirit are ready to leave - that holds no fear for me

How fortunate I was - to have such a wonderful grandmother - and to spend so much time with her

Decadian

@Decadian @Former-Member @hope77

Thanks for your replies. I didn't think I would get any. It's a tough and delicate topic. It is one that has been on my mind for quite a while and I just needed to put it out there.

I think that if I was to be content and at peace with myself, learn to love myself first then I can deal with whatever comes my way.

Trouble is I don't - and I need to work on that part. When I turned 50 I was very depressed. I remember a few people saying oh 50 it's fantastic, you have your life back again, now that the kids are gone. But it wasn't like that for me; I was severely depressed, and I still have my kids at home!!!

Hi @BlueBay,

I'd say most people are afraid of death. In a way, we'd have to be crazy not to be. I am too. But I take comfort in philosophical perspectives. It is part of the natural order that we see all around us that we are born from the earth, grow through different stages in our lives, and then pass back to the earth. All creatures, plant life, even stars and planets go through this kind of cycle. To me there is comfort in finding my place in this larger scheme of things.

Personally I've always struggled with a feeling of heavy gravity pulling me down, perhaps a weaker 'will to live' than others may experience. In some ways I expect that I may be ready to die when my time comes and I hope it may be peaceful. Or else it will take me by surprise and I may not even know what has happened. As to afterlife, I think that is a mystery that is not meant to be known. At this time in my life, my ego is not attached to finding another life beyond death. If that occurs, I will discover it in a natural way then.

I think one key to everything is when you mentioned finding peace and contentment and love within yourself. To me, these are deep quiet things that exist in spaces we barely need to even mention to other people in many ways. And I think they can be worked on. But, again, this work is at a deep level, for me a rather private level. And finding love and peace and contentment deep inside doesn't necessarily rule out the possibility of ups and downs and roundabouts on the surface of our emotions, nor does it mean we won't go through hardships and joys.

For example, I am suffering a heavy depression just at the moment but, somewhere deep inside, I know that this too is just part of the surface reality of my life and there is even contentment in me somewhere with it, odd as that may sound.

I also think that one of the gifts of ageing is that these wonderful attributes can perhaps arrive more and more with wisdom as we get older. As I'm about to turn 54 and going through menopause, I am grateful to my age for giving me some modicum of peace and contentment with the way of things that I didn't have when younger.

I think fear of death is a natural thing as well. Without fear of death, we'd have no instinct to struggle for survival, to overcome hardships, to make it through days, weeks, months, years. I suspect that if you look to the deepest parts of yourself you too may find that there is wisdom there that did not once exist in you. I wish you the very best in your journey through your life from here on in and send kindest wishes that you may find the deep peace and contentment that you desire.

Thanks for raising such a meaningful topic.

Hi @Mazarita

What you say about death and the fear of it giving us the courage to overcome hardships and fight for survival is extremely valuable

Elephants are intrigued with death - some go to "The Elephants' Graveyard" and others die in the Savanah - but regardless - the surviving elephants touch the bones of a dead elephant and grieve -

As humans we are the only beings who really know we are going to die - and it is this that gives us the ability to value life so much more - everything is more beautiful because because we know it is temporary. Even death loses it's sting as we age - and we think more deeply about our inner life than we did when we were young

Death was a more accessible and perhaps more easily discussed issues when life was slower - it was feared during time of plague, famine and war - and yet these disasters happened to thin out a over-populated environment

But however much we talk about it - it is still there - and so - bringing the subjects and the fears and uncertainty into the daylight helps

Yes @BlueBay - you were brave to bring the topic up - and it is an interesting thread - you have had many replies

Decadian