Trying to get help

@Lee82 , thank you for listening. I feel for having to live that close to your mother, I don't think I could cope being that close to mind. My daughter does know that I am aware, her boyfriend had me on speaker when he called. He is such a wonderful young man and cares deeply about my little princess.

I have been off work since mid January after being assaulted by a client in December and they are pushing me to go back to work and get off workcover payments. It terrifies me to be honest

Yea it's not where I want to be living but after my hospitalisation 2 years ago my husband who is now my ex husband and my mum thought it would be a good idea to move closer to her so she can help with my kids.
That is so wonderful to hear your daughter has a supportive partner. That must put your mind at ease a little knowing she is being looked after.
Of course they are going to push you to go back to work. They don't want to pay workcover. They can be very insensitive. It's very frustrating when people dont understand what you have been through and are going through. Do you see an independent psychologist or is it just the one they assign you to?

It's hard when they make the decisions for you. Hopefully at the time they really where thinking of you and trying to be as supportive as they could be.

She is a very lucky young lady, they are only 20 and 21 and still very much in the honeymoon stage of their relationship

I have my own psychologist and counsellor, but unfortunately my psychologist went away 4 weeks ago and is now in isolation and not doing Telehealth appointments. I had a hideous appointment with one of their psychologist last week.

How is your night going @Lee82

I believe they were actually thinking of themselves. My ex husband didn't want to deal with me so he moved up here so mum could look after me and the boys. He was having an affair whilst I was in hospital and also afterwards. As for mum she is a control freak and has controlled my whole life and this was her way of still having that control over me.
that is so sweet. Hopefully they will make it through together and then they will be a stronger couple for it. A good support system is very hard to find. Does your daughter see anyone professional? Please let me know if you don't want to be talking about your daughter. I don't want to seem like I am prying into your personal life.

I am so sorry to hear about your psychologist @Former-Member. Can you maybe shoot her an email just to let her know how you are doing? Maybe she will give you a call or some advice via email.

I am so sorry that you ex husband was being such and arse. Some mothers just have no clue. Sorry yours is an control freak it really doesn't help when you need extra support.

I don't mind talking about my family. They are my world and sometimes cause me the greatest pain. She see a counsellor but is a little erratic with her visits.

I am waiting for her to return my last email😞

How are you feeling tonight @Lee82

Thank you @Former-Member . He did not treat me very well but love is blind until someone opens your eye up to what's going on.
controlling is only one of many many traits my mum has. She is very narcissistic and scares the living sh** out of me. Has always my whole life. For some reason I could and can never stand up to her.
my kids are my world too. They are the reason I am here and they are the sole reason why I need to get better. They deserve a great mum. Who doesn't have to deal with mental health. The guilt I feel because of it it overwhelming.
that's great to hear she is seeing someone. I hope things get better for her. She is too young to be dealing with this pressure.
Maybe write her another email. Or what about trying to reach out to a helpline again. I know you didn't have luck yesterday but if you keep trying I'm sure you will get through. Persistence is the key. Unfortunately we have to be the ones to reach out and jump up and down and scream at the top of our lungs for someone to listen. It is frustrating at time's.
Not in a good place atm. Self harm is on my mind it has been most of the day and I am trying to distract myself anyway I can.

How are you feeling tonight @Former-Member ? You think you will be able to get some sleep?

@Lee82 , firstly please don't hurt yourself in anyway and know your not alone in this. I am always here. Are you safe tonight?

Sorry @Former-Member I probably shouldn't have mentioned that. Yes I am safe. Thank you @Former-Member

Love is most definitely blind @Lee82 and when you do have your eyes opened it is crushing. I am sorry your mum couldn't be the mum you deserved, it impacts your whole life and sometimes you are not even aware of it.

I may not now you in person but I am positive that you are a great mum, having a mental illness doesy automatically make you a bad one. You try everyday to be in the moment with your children and it may not last long but they see the effort you make for them. With the trauma in your past, how your mother is and what your ex did to you, you still choose to be their mum and not give up and that shows a strength most don't have. I have a lot of guilt about not being the mum I think my kids deserve but then I look at them and I know that they know I love them and that's enough. I am sure your kids know that you love them too.

Please be safe tonight 💖 I am here and listening