Falling

@Snowie I don’t Know I am sorry I think I am going to end up wasting your time

@Eden1919you are not wasting my time. I wouldn't be responding to you if I didn't want to.

@Snowie No I mean I can’t make it stop and I should have just stayed quiet

@Eden1919

Well know I am around if you need someone to chat too. I am only a tag away.

Hi @Eden1919

Just coming past to say hi, good morning and hoping there is some good in your day.

Take care xoxo

Snowie

@Snowie Thank you, today was really bad. I didn’t sleep last night because I was too scared and the things in my head wanted me to hurt myself and wouldn’t let me sleep and then it finally kicked over to the morning and I was still really scared and shaking so I ended up calling the crisis team who was worried because I couldn’t talk properly and they sent an ambulance to my house and then I couldn’t talk to them so they called my mum who told them I was just sad and to go and then shortly after they left I left my house and drove around the city looking for somewhere to do something to hurt myself and then I was about to but my friend messaged and I promised I would try the crisis team again and then I called them but was struggling to speak and they hung up and I tried again and they did the same thing then eventually they came to see me but it was hard because I wasn’t super sure where I was and then they called my mum to take me home after I got mad at them and tried to run away and didn’t eat or drink all day and I am still really scared because the stuff hasn’t stopped and the things in my head still want me to hurt myself in the next few days but I am so tired and exhausted and I don’t have the energy tonight to do anything but I nearly did something 3 times today I will try and call my psychiatrists office in the morning but if he still won’t listen then I have no idea what else to do.

I have just been really confused all day and I thought the things in my head sent pigeons to watch me and make sure I did what they wanted and I don’t know who to trust but I am not sure if I am allowed to sleep tonight and I was trying really hard to talk but I physically couldn’t like the words were not coming out or if they did they were all messed up and not right, I am still not completely sure what is happening but the things that put thoughts in my head were even making me move last night and everything is really just all over the place. I am sorry this is so long. I tried talking to my psychiatrist yesterday but he said I didn’t make sense cause I couldn’t talk then either.

Hi @Eden1919

Really bad seems to be an understatement hun. Well done however for contacting the crisis team and trying to get some help. That is an amazing step forward and might mean that even in all of the mess, there is a tiny bit of you that wants to keep going.

I am also in awe that you feel comfortable enough here to express all of this.

I am hoping you got some sleep or at least some rest last night. Just concentrate on basic things, such as eating and drinking. It can effect our mental health more then we think.

You are doing a great job of just trying to survive and at the moment that is enough. I am sure it is tiring and exhausting for you to be going through all of this but you have shown a tremendous amount of courage the last few days Eden.

Keep going sweetie, I am here with you through all of this.

Will talk soon, I will be around for awhile.

Snowie xoxo

@Snowie I only got an hour of sleep last night they wouldnt let me sleep again they are still really mad and they still want me to hurt myself and after the hour i did get i woke up shaking and super scared again and I still havent been able to call the psychiatrists office because i am still struggling to talk and i am scared they will just tell me to ring the crisis people back but they wont want to talk to me again after yesterday cause they were getting annoyed that i kept calling but i dont remmeber a lot except calling and being hung up on and being really confused and i kept losing time and i still dont completely know what happened. i am still not allowed to eat and they dont even want me to drink either i am so exhausted and scared and even writing is getitng harder. i am just really confused because there are a lot of things in my head telling me stuff and they keep saying different things and i am really not sure who or what to trust but they keep telling me i will do what they want even if i dont know i am doing it because they can do what they want to me and i keep thinking everyone around me is in on whatever it is and i know i screwed up and i guess i deserve this but that doesnt make it easier.

You don't deserve any of this @Eden1919 and you haven't screwed up at all. If you need help then calling the crisis team again is valid and most likely neeeded.

Can you tell all the voices to give you a break for just a little while or to just shut up.

I don't hear voices so not sure how much advice I can give you in regards to this.

What I can say is well done for expressing what is happening for you on here and you are showing so much bravery hun.

Will be here for you throughout this.

Perhaps try just something little to eat if you can manage it.

Lots of hugs hun

@Snowie Yes I do I messed up and I didn’t do what they wanted before and I didn’t feed them enough and this is all my fault and I cannot say that to them they get mad if I even think that plus I shouldn’t be rude to them especially when it is my fault anyway. I am not allowed to eat anything because they want the food and if I eat it they can’t have it and I shouldn’t eat anyway I just need to be stronger after the first few days not eating gets easier for a couple of days. I did manage to call my psychiatrists office but now the psychiatrist is meant to call back but I am not sure how I will say what I need to I am still really struggling to talk.