Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Hi everyone on the forums. *Admins/mods, feel free to move this to an appropriate thread if this one isn't the right place.*

I'm really down right now, in a dark place. I want to hurt myself, I'm feeling suicidal. I've never attempted or done anything in my life but I want to.

As I mentioned in one of my posts, I don't see my Psychiatrist again until March 30. Then the new GP on March 13, but I want to see my Psychiatrist more because I feel more comfortable with him.

I also mentioned in another post that the local mental health triage (yes thats what they called themselves) refuse to help me and support me, they just admit people so they won't help or tell me people/places that can. I give up.

I can't get a job, I can't afford to study and the free courses at TAFE & Uni you had to a course already & have qualifications which I don't. I can't meet people. I went to a Headspace Centre & that was bad for me, sometime last year (for a group & Psychologist).

I don't see Psychologists anymore because of bad experiences. I see my Psychiatrist on Skype because he's in Sydney & I'm in Victoria (regional sort of).

I don't know what to do, I just give up. I don't want to be here anymore and I can't stop these thoughts, it's so hard for me not to try and do something and fight the thoughts. I only have my parents but it's so hard.

I'm sorry for coming on here and venting, I know everyone has their own things to deal with. I don't want to call 000 at the moment, I'd have to discuss with my parents anyway but they know everything I go through.

I don't know if these meds are working at all or if i should up the dosage like my Psychiatrist said shortly.

I just want to hurt myself and don't want to be here. I'm so stressed and just ready for a break down. On my walk today with my dog I had a panic attack because of everything and just seeing a few people and cars drive by which gets a bit much for me as silly as that sounds, I know. And I just feel like I'm ready for a breakdown.

Yes I've spoken to Kids Helpline, eHeadspace, Beyond Blue, SANE web chat etc. I might try them now too if I can get through, I don't know.

@CheerBear @outlander @Darcy @NNY @greenpea @eth @Valentine @Hamsolo01 @TheVorticon @Shaz51 @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911 @WriterMelb @TAB @BlueBay @Adge @Scoo @Scribbles @Meowmy @Maggie @Ant7 @Appleblossom (just tagging everyone I've talked to or who has supported my posts again, sorry. Hope none of you mind again).