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Difficult to communicate

vraeroCasual Contributor21 June 2016, 12:33 pm AEST

Difficult to communicate

Hey all,

I'm new here and decided to give this a go. I'm looking for other people out there who are having similar experiences or have any kind words of wisdom for someone who's feeling very lost and not sure how to proceed.

I don't even really know where to start. I thought typing this out would be much easier than trying to talk to a counsellor about it but it's just as hard for me. I've been dealing with ~something~ for what I think has been about 2-3 years. I'm 20 yrs old. There have been periods in that time where I've been so incredibly happy, and other times I've been completely unhappy.

I went to see a counsellor for the first time about 3 months ago because I decided it was time I actually voiced what I was feeling and I was creating some bad habits which I could see might spiral out of control. I've always had an issue talking about my feelings, showing my emotions and even sharing what I consider to be personal information with those closest to me (e.g. not talking about my family or how I spend my time). I keep a lot of things close to my chest and I've always been that friend people come to who will listen to your problems and make jokes to help people feel better. Counselling was not easy for me. It was an hour and a half session and I was constantly checking the clock, and asking the counsellor if she could "lead" the session because I wasn't sure how to say anything.

Those habits I mentioned were alcohol abuse and a few cases of (I don't know what to call it...) serial dating(?). I was becoming slowly aware that I was using both alcohol and people I didn't really care about to make myself feel something. This involved a lot of lying and pretending which has never been my usual way. Enter lots of guilt and some other family issues which pushed me to finally see a counsellor. We did talk about these things briefly but I didn't say much other than "I think I've been abusing alcohol and using people for sex and I don't want to hurt anyone".

That counselling session was 3 months ago. I've been sober for 23 days. It hasn't been as hard as I thought because it was my own conscious choice to change. I've been treating it as an experiment.

I consider the alcoholism and etc as short term or surface problems, and I'm trying to change them. But I'm more concerned with long term mental health because I know something is going on with me but I really can't figure this out. I know it's probably best to just go to my GP or see a therapist and actually participate in the therapy but it's hard to even think about. I've been so closed off about this and so independent about dealing with it that it's hard to think about talking to someone else and actually going through with whatever treatment/suggestions they give.

I've always been a perfectionist (in work, study and my emotions) and I think this and my inability to communicate/show my emotions is really stopping me from getting the help I think I need. I've even considered telling my parents (who I haven't been close to for the past few years possible because of these issues) but I'd prefer talking to a professional first.

Anyone else have issues seeing a health professional/therapist? Or communicating feelings in general?

Cheers.

24 replies

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In response to: Difficult to communicate

Unknown userMember10 July 2016, 9:32 pm AEST

Re: Difficult to communicate

Hi @LoveBug, welcome to the Forums. Thanks so much for sharing your story and connecting with members. It's always good to know that there are others going through the same thing 🙂

Your story is a real mixture of tough times and new hope. It's great to hear that you have new support that is helping you to find ways to communicate. But I'm sorry to read that this came out of such a desperate time.

The mood chart is such a great idea. Not just for your support team but I'm sure you'll gain new insight yourself as you trace mood changes and possible reasons. Learning our triggers is one of the most powerful things we can do to help ourselves.

I hope you share more of your story and find other parts of the forum that resonates.

Good to have you here 🙂

In response to: Difficult to communicate

vraeroCasual Contributor12 July 2016, 4:52 pm AEST

Re: Difficult to communicate

Hi everyone,

I've been totally inactive for a while now due to work and travel. I've been pretty stressed non stop and haven't had a lot of time to dwell on the feelings I orginally posted.

But I want to thank you all for your responses. I've just read through them and it's honestly made me feel so much less alone. Thank you for all your feedback and suggestions and stories.

@LoveBug it's nice to know you're out there and you got the help you needed! Thank you for sharing your story. The mood chart idea sounds like it's beneficial.

Update: Since telling my mother about the alcoholism (and I guess at that moment I stepped a bit closer to actually coming to terms that something is not right with me) we haven't talked much. She isn't likely to bring it up and I don't reallly want to go there with her again. I've relapsed a bit. I managed being sober for a month but social situations encouraged me to have a few drinks here and there. I'm just trying not to let it get out of control like before (this is much easier when you're on a student budget..)

I've been out of state, too, and I'm not sure if that's helped my mind clear up a bit or made me more frightened/scared/stressed(?) about what I need to do (get help). I kind of feel like I'm wasting time or putting something off.

I've been surrounding myself with positive, easy going people who are all new-ish friends. We are still getting to know each other. I haven't had new friends for a long time. And when I'm with them that really helps me feel a bit happier and more carefree about sharing my emotions (to a point) for a short period of time. But when I'm with close friends (like the out-of-state friend I'm staying with at the moment), I drink with them and say things I normally wouldn't about myself and my life, and I regret it and feel completely awful almost immediately or when I've sobered up. Even if there are no negative intentions or judgement.

For example, my friend of 10 years who I have never really shared any deep feelings or personal information with (but I still consider her to be one of my closest friends), started up a conversation about living away from home and how family dynamics change with time and distance. For some reason I thought I could comfortably talk about this. And when I mentioned how the relationship between my brother and I was always distant, she said "I can't imagine that! I was so close with my siblings and I still am." I know people compare. And I know every family is different. But this was the first time I'd told anyone that my brother and I didn't even talk when we were growing up. My brother and I actually came to be good friends later, but that is just one aspect of my childhood that I would never normally share with anyone. I want to blame it on being tipsy, but I was in control. I think this means I might be ready to talk to someone. I don't feel comfortable talking to friends though and certainly not parents.

I'm quite determined to see a therapist once I get back home which will be in a few weeks. The more I think about it, the more frightened I am but I don't see the point in putting this off much longer.

Has anyone else ever experienced periods of super self-awareness (knowing something's wrong and more recently for me, knowing I need to get help) and then maybe a few days or weeks later, completely denying it until those feelings inevitable come back? That's basically what I've been going through for possibly a few years now.

Thank you all again. Everything I just typed is a bit of a build up since the last time I posted so I'm sorry if it's long.

In response to: Difficult to communicate

StarlightCasual Contributor12 July 2016, 6:42 pm AEST

Re: Difficult to communicate

hi vraero, you are so young and yet had so much inside on what is happenning in your inside. At that age I did not have a clue I was having 'something' and I lived like that for mamy years! Now I see a psycologist too but I have changed to Gestalt, after visiting a behaviourist behaviourist sicologist for a couple of years. The first one helped me a lot with braking some old behaviour & thought patterns. The second one is helping me to revisit some stories from my past so I can bring some closure, healing and forgiveness. Good luck with your personal journey of discovery, it may sometimes look scary, but it is amazingly beautiful, and it helps us grow....

In response to: Difficult to communicate

StarlightCasual Contributor12 July 2016, 6:45 pm AEST

Re: Difficult to communicate

hi vraero, you are so young and yet you have so much inside on what is happenning. At your age I did not have a clue I was having 'something' and I lived like that for mamy years! Now I see a psycologist too and lots more things that help me feel and be better. I have changed to Gestalt, after visiting a behaviourist sicologist for a couple of years. The first one helped me a lot with braking some old behaviour & thought patterns. The second one is helping me to revisit some stories from my past so I can bring some closure, healing and forgiveness. Good luck with your personal journey of discovery, it may sometimes look scary, but it is amazingly beautiful, and it helps us grow....one step at a time

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