Difficult to communicate

You sound as if you are quite self aware and are clearly trying to sort through your issues.

I hope your trust in your mum can grow from your confidence to her, and how things develop.

I have had a few experiences where things have flown out of mouth ... kind of under "my radar" ... not with family though, but in social mingling situations.

Take care and one step at a time.

regards Apple

I can't support this idea enough, finding the people who can contribute to your wellbeing is a great thing to have in life. I would like to add that no single person is going to offer you everything. It is about finding a genuinely good mix of people who give you lots of little things that add up to a larger pool of support.

There is no magic wand in life the same as there is no 'one' person who can give you everything single thing you want.

I would recommend starting with trying to find someone who has the skills to help guide you (@vraero) in regards to recognising the benefits and pitfalls of relationships (this includes professional relationships. Relationships are complex and sometimes in can help to have someone who can help you reflect on your experiences and point out the good AND THE BAD! I put that in capitals because some therapists seem intent on only putting out the good in things.

Can I encourage you to see your vulnerabilities as a strength! It takes courage to allow ourelves to be vulnerable enough to invite others in. The downside of this is that it can also leave us exposed to invalidation and rejection. Many people don't have the skills to be able to respond skillfully when presented with information about a persons experiences that make them feel uncomfortable.

And we know this, so at times we just shut down and remain quiet, this is not a flaw, not a dysfunction (not that you have stated this, however broader social beliefs tend to paint them this way) it is a form of protection. This is where I think your fear of talking is coming from, you are hurting inside and and you don't want any more hurt so you are protecting yourself from further harm. And this is okay!

One of my favourite sayings is shouei shouei (slowly slowly). It is okay to test the waters and see how people respond, reaching out takes skill as much as listening. You are quite skilled at pointing out your experiences and feelings in the right setting (see your posts on this site), however to me it appears that you need practice and guidance with speaking out and talking in other settings, does this sound fair?

Use this site as a starting point perhaps and hopefully you will develop the skills and find the courage to speak out in other settings as well.

@vraero hey dude you've just taken a big step. That's a huge step really. It might not seem that way right now but I promise you will see it that way. When that happens I hope that you feel proud of yourself.

What you're feeling is totally normal - there isn't anything wrong in the way you feel. You're processing.

What I'm guessing is that you're having a lot of thoughts at the moment. Just realise them as just that, thoughts. They might be true, they might not be but you don't have to do anything with them, unless you want to.

If I may, go do something relaxing, take your mind off things. Tomorrow's a new day you might think differently then - give yourself some space.

Dear @vraero
Just like @Appleblossom ...we are both community aides to this great place, Sane Forums. That means we are supposed to know what and where you could connect to others with your queries and ..situation.
You write that it's been a bad day for you. You also write these words to us:

but that I could not talk about it, i wasn't sure what it was and that she shouldn't be worried, I am working my way up to seeking help.
She offered some advice about seeking help but at some point I couldn't talk about it anymore. She asked if my father should know about this, and that she'd support me whether or not I wanted to say anything to him. I told her I felt I wasn't even ready to tell HER, so I didn't want to talk to my dad about it so soon.

I'm responding to you that your truth is very brave. I'de also be feeling shaky and feeling bad too if I spoke to my Mum and Dad like you have. We always have this silly idea that our parents should be told by us that everything fine by us but I think they would rather just be told the truth.
Because of your truth, your responces from @mrkotter @1stepup61 @sadgirl@Sky and @Appleblossom and @Doc_Gonzo are emotionally in tune with your writing about yourself.

I've got this....feeling that You are more emotionally okay than you think........ I feel because you already know that recovering is also about your responses to your loved ones and being gentle with the truth and realising that your loved ones are trying to do the right thing.
I chose to get better one day when I was about to go to sleep in 1984 and 9 years later, started seeing a Psychotherapist. After being with my current Psychotherpapist for over 13 years, today......she told me something about my Mother. She met my Mother in a situation where she had to stop a lot of things happening in her professional life because my Mother has the proper degrees in her field and Mum was trying to bully her way into my Psychotherapist's working life. Today she said no matter what she thought of my Mum's professional life; she couldnt have anything to do with my Mother once I told her that she left me when I was ill.
When I was hit by a car over 30 years ago, when I was 15 years old, my Mother hopped on a plane and went to live at another country for twenty years and hardly ever wrote or called me. She sent me a $25 checque for my first wedding and no phone call.

Today, when my Psychotherapist told me that,............. MY memory, MY experience.... I can write so much more of what happened...... I felt like I was the luckiest woman in the world. For 13 years.... my Psychotherapist and I have stuck with each other. I felt so loved, like you may have felt like with your parents.
If you felt like you can tell a loved one the truth, like @Appleblossom writes, gentle, nice and slow. @mrkotter writes about feelings and words and tomorrow is a new day. @1stepup61 and @Doc_Gonzo are so relevant.

I have been asking my youngest son to stop writing in his journal all the feelings about himself that his Dad makes him feel but to only write like he's in the moment. Also; to write out his own support system. Who are the people that he feels he can rely on.

Maybe Head Space

Maybe the Church Pastor

Maybe if he gets a good GP.
( I hate his GP but can't say that but....okay, it's his decision who he sees. )
Who are his friends who he can rely on.

My youngest son is 22 years old and he hasnt done this. He's sinking all his feelings into his new girlfriend ......He also has'nt gone back to Headspace.....as a parent, I just work hard at staying off his case.

but I'm sure he will come and ask again when he's ready to. I'm sure he thinks of me like you feel about your parents. thank you so much for your messages....PP

Hey @vraero - you said "Now I feel vulnerable, exposed, scared, stressed."

It is always a huge step to tell family about isuees going down, I always found them to be 'supportive' but really have no clue what it is i was going through. I know that feeling of vulnerability, and for me it was a feeling of ;out of controlledness' that someone else who matters to me knows something about me, I used to feel very scared that people would either use it agaisnt me, or right me off as a hypocohondriac or something.

I have had all sorts of therapy - mostly with CBT type psychologists, and have gained alot of 'wisdom' from it and some very useful tools, but in the end my MI tends to run off with the fairies aor dive me into the mud in deep depression, and no amount of CBT helps at those extremes, I just ride it like a kayak rider on the rapids... or try to not make any great big ecisisons when I am unwell.

So glad you are here, and you really seem to be in charge of your own journey, hope you find the answers and help you so deserve.

Dear @MoonGal

Exactly how I feel. Thanks for writing. Exactly.

When it comes to my immediate family: unlike my two sons : I feel my own parents and brothers have No idea on how to understand me. They measure me that because of my studies or working life. They seem to have no idea how that a woman deals with her/my emotions. I have three brothers, no sisters. About 3 years ago, I discovered I have a half sister in America and a half brother who recently died.

My big brother seems to....get it the most.....but his work means he only has time for his own wife and daughter. When we do talk I do sence his huge compassion and he is always so impressed with how I do my life.

But unfortunately, it's his busy busylife that pulls him away from me. For many years I was isolated from my youngest brother and.........we are only jut starting to talk. It feels like he gets me too......

So many years gone.

PPx

HI @vraero, I'm so glad you found the Forums and have received all these responses and support. I hope you feel encouraged to keep seeking help and solutions.

@mrkotter mentioned me earlier as someone who might be able to expand a little on the counselling process. I've been on leave and so haven't managed to jump in until now. I think the community have provided lots of those answers in the meantime with some great suggestions. Coming into a session with things written down is always appreciated. It helps to get to the real issues. And the suggestion of Headspace is a really good one. They are a great service that can provide more than the 10 session medicare model.

Do you feel any closer to seeking help again? It's not uncommon to have to try a couple of psychologists before you find one you can trust enough to open up with. That's another benefit of somewhere like Headspace. They have lots of psychs within the team and so it's easier to switch. And yes, it can take more than one session to help someone achieve the insight and motivation for sustained change 🙂

Hi, @vraero,

I am pretty new here and i have just discovered your story.

I thought my inability to communicate was just a quality that i just had. it is nice to see that it isn't. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for about 8 years (i am 19 now.), and i have never been able to show any emotion. I go about my day like any other person, i don't stay in bed all day (even though i would love to), i don't express my emotions very effectively. for example, when i am depressed, i don't cry or show anyone that i am struggling, until i am alone. I find it so difficult that i can't express it, because i feel like my mental health problems aren't servere enough for help, even though i know that i do need help. recently, i attempted suicide, i died for almost a minute until they got my heart going again, still, i believe that other people need more help than i do.. all because i can't show or communicate my emotions to people effectively.

In addition to what other people have said, writing down your feelings and/or questions about what is going on inside your head is beneficial. it gives you the chance to see what is happening in your head also. By understanding, you can find your way to better health. I saw my mental health case worker- whom i've only just met after the suicide attempt, and she gave me some strategies to express what is going on, which is a mood chart. each day, from morning, noon and night, rate your feelings and the reason why you are feeling this way. when you see your health professional, you are able to show them so they are able to gather a clear idea about what is going on for you.

i hope you are doing okay.