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Not well

LoreliContributor15 Dec 2019, 9:50 pm AEDT

Not well

I feel like I’m living out of spite.

I have managed to separate from my ex, who had escalating DV behaviours. He has been charged with assault and is serving his community sentence. I have rehomed his abused dog through the relevant authorities. There is an ongoing court battle regarding VROs. I am making cold case statements about rapes within the relationship. I have full custody of our daughter, who is a toddler in the process of dropping her day sleep and coming off her dummy. My parents are away and have been for weeks, and his mother has moved here. She commented on Facebook that ‘she didn’t condone his behaviour, but understood why he did it’

He has since put up a status saying that ‘She will be a blubbering crying mess like she always ends up #iwillwin #playthevictim’ and to be honest, that post is what is keeping me going. I am suicidal and have been suicidal for a long time knowing that I had to leave the relationship.

I honestly am so depressed and defeated I want to die. I’m a shit parent and I always will be. I am a freaking mess and I always have been and I always will be. I am unlovable. I am worthless. I am pathetic. My daughter needs and deserves better than this. Better than me.

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In response to: Not well

Sans911Senior Contributor17 Dec 2019, 8:20 am AEDT

Re: Not well

@Loreli welcome to the forums. I know you will find only love, support and encouragement here. Not judgement or harshness. I've never been in a DV situation/relationship but I know a number of women who have. From what they've shared with me is incredibly sad yet brave stories. It's taken them a long time to start to feel worthy about themselves and their abilities as a parent. I'm so glad that you reached out for help because you are worthy of that. You do matter very much. I'm sure you are doing the very best you can right now for yourself and yourself and your daughter. And that is completely OK.

Just a quick note about how the forums work too so you interact better. If you put an @ symbol followed by a members name it will tag that member & they'll receive notification that you have responded to them.

Please take care of yourself and I hope in time to come life has a tiny spark of light and joy in it to make life worthwhile.

In response to: Re: Not well

ethSenior Contributor19 Dec 2019, 9:38 am AEDT

Re: Not well

Hi @Loreli and welcome to the forums. You will find that there are at least several of us here that have also been through or are going through domestic violence situations. Me too.

I'm really glad to read that you've reached out for support and are receiving it, both here and in your life offline. You have already taken some major steps towards a journey of recovery. I am certain that you do the best you can as a parent and afterall that's all any of us can do.

I have done a course in recovering from abuse and it really helped me a lot. You might find something similar if there's a womens' centre near you. Otherwise there's a lot online if you google 'recovery from dv'. It taught me about the 'cycle of abuse/violence' and how to recognise different parts of it. And how to avoid going back or getting into new relationships that are unhealthy.

I'm happy to support you but will be away from the forums 26th Dec to 8th Jan, but I see you have quite a few others supporting you here.

Thanks for the tag @Maggie

Don't forget to type @eth if you want to talk with me @Loreli - sometimes you need to type short names slowly. You will see a dropdown box where you can click on the person's name that you want to interact with.

Take care and hope you find the forums helpful and friendly.

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