Not well

I feel like I’m living out of spite.

I have managed to separate from my ex, who had escalating DV behaviours. He has been charged with assault and is serving his community sentence. I have rehomed his abused dog through the relevant authorities. There is an ongoing court battle regarding VROs. I am making cold case statements about rapes within the relationship. I have full custody of our daughter, who is a toddler in the process of dropping her day sleep and coming off her dummy. My parents are away and have been for weeks, and his mother has moved here. She commented on Facebook that ‘she didn’t condone his behaviour, but understood why he did it’

He has since put up a status saying that ‘She will be a blubbering crying mess like she always ends up #iwillwin #playthevictim’ and to be honest, that post is what is keeping me going. I am suicidal and have been suicidal for a long time knowing that I had to leave the relationship.

I honestly am so depressed and defeated I want to die. I’m a shit parent and I always will be. I am a freaking mess and I always have been and I always will be. I am unlovable. I am worthless. I am pathetic. My daughter needs and deserves better than this. Better than me.