Hospital or manage at home !

---

@Sahara wrote:

Hi @Former-Member,

I think the reasons you give for your depression are substantial ones.... numbers 1 and 2 basically cover it all, don't they? Lots of stress and no-one to turn to. That's how I felt, too, before depression took it's hold on me.

I think in my case, I was at an age where everyone I knew was married and having children, so consequently, there seemed to be no more fun times to be had. I guess I was mourning my lost youth! It was like "Wow, so this is adult life? Just one massive burden of responsibility after another, with no good times in between?"

I had gone back to university to study art during my late 20's. I did not ever want to leave the uni because I felt intellectually stimulated there. I wish I could have stayed there forever! I graduated with 1st class Honours with Distinction and then...... nothing. It's not like it's easy to get a job as an artist.

I broke up with my closest friend and my other friends had babies and were busy all of the time. My partner at that time should have been my best friend, but he was basically non-existent in my life, even though we lived together. He was never around.

I suppose I was at an age where I should have been in a successful, happy relationship and contemplating motherhood. But that was not the case. I felt very lost. Then I got depression.

@Former-Member, all this happened 11 years ago.

It has been a very long, difficult battle to recover, mainly because I just did not have any support in my life. I am still a bit isolated, even though I ditched the ex-partner and went on to marry a wonderful man.

I no longer take medication, but I still have some generalized anxiety and some social anxiety.

Can you tell us more about your life? I would love to hear anything you find relevant.

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Hi @Sahara

So much of what you have written resonates with me - our stories are similar. When looking back I wonder if my depression came on slowly over time, and never realized the impact the stress and isolation had on my health.

Prior to my depression, the few years leading up to my severe depression, I felt that I was really happy. But underneath all of this, I had quite a bit stress even though I was happy. At this time I was living away from my home and study at university. I really enjoyed living up Nth and the climate was so much better, even though in summer it was really hot and you had the wet season. I moved back home in 2009 and started another degree in 2010.

I still know I have some changes to make in my life and wish I had a close friend like I did when I was younger. I miss the closeness of a good friend and just hanging out and having some adventures together.

I know other peoples depression has occurred from transitions in life from university to work. I do mourned the loss of my youth too and the freedom you feel when going to university. I finished my last degree in 2012 (public health). And I think my depression became apparent in my final semester.

I truly understand the struggles you have faced in recovery and how difficult it would have been for you. I think, I have anxiety and social anxiety too. In some ways the anxiety contributed a lot to my depression too. I am so happy for you that you have a wonderful man by your side and hope you can find more peace in your life.

@Former-Member@Sahara

I went to work when I was 16 and went to night school and had an accounting diploma and then got married and after some time I had I found myself with two small children and a morose husband who was so locked in himself he did not help stimulate my active mind

So I went back to school and then university - and had to work full time so it was studying part time

So I know where both of you are at - having been there

I don't know where I would be with my life had I not gone to university as a mature aged student - as I can't commit myself to work with chronic pain syndrome - I spend a lot of time reading, watching docos and chasing info that interests me on-line and I keep learning

But yes - being alone, stress, anxiety, and all this entails is destructive - and through my reading I have found that the end of WW1 women started to find a place in the world - they worked - and working situations opened for them

Still - in the 1960s when I first started working my choices were limited - but I was proactive - and encouraged other young women to be as well - and now - I really feel I could have enjoyed the choices available for women now

But still - it has left women with the choice of work, academic life, husband and children - or not

And just because the choices are there does not solve the problems

Anxiety and depresssion haunt women more - yet I really think - men suffer more - women are the tougher members of society - our journeys through life have made it that way

Decadian

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@Decadian wrote:

@Former-Member@Sahara

I went to work when I was 16 and went to night school and had an accounting diploma and then got married and after some time I had I found myself with two small children and a morose husband who was so locked in himself he did not help stimulate my active mind

So I went back to school and then university - and had to work full time so it was studying part time

So I know where both of you are at - having been there

I don't know where I would be with my life had I not gone to university as a mature aged student - as I can't commit myself to work with chronic pain syndrome - I spend a lot of time reading, watching docos and chasing info that interests me on-line and I keep learning

But yes - being alone, stress, anxiety, and all this entails is destructive - and through my reading I have found that the end of WW1 women started to find a place in the world - they worked - and working situations opened for them

Still - in the 1960s when I first started working my choices were limited - but I was proactive - and encouraged other young women to be as well - and now - I really feel I could have enjoyed the choices available for women now

But still - it has left women with the choice of work, academic life, husband and children - or not

And just because the choices are there does not solve the problems

Anxiety and depresssion haunt women more - yet I really think - men suffer more - women are the tougher members of society - our journeys through life have made it that way

Decadian

---

Hi @Decadian

Thank you so much for your message !!!

You sound so strong and resilient to achieve what you have done- well done!!

I think education is important for a better quality of life, and I also believe in lifelong learning too. I think both sexes suffer equally from MI. I think some women more and sometimes men suffer more too, but I think its an individual thing, and circumstances and resources play a huge part in this too.

Hi @Former-Member,

my psychiatrist said that my depression was probably a result of a build up of stress over a long period of time. She took time to explain that some people can deal with a load of stress and others can't.... it basically comes down to genetics. Plenty of women have very stressful lives, but they don't go on to suffer depression.

I can relate to you saying that you thought you were happy, but you were under a lot of stress. I think I must have thought I was happy, too, before depression eventually struck me. I was certainly being productive and working long hours. But it's not quite the same thing, is it? Happiness and productivity? Because of the way I was raised, I tend to confuse the two!

I left out an important part of my story when I didn't speak about my childhood. I was raised in a household with a lot of conflict. Some children are very resilient and adapt well to constant arguments and turmoil. But I was not one of those kids! I had a lot of anxiety as a child - nightmares, phobias, extreme social anxiety. I was very withdrawn.

I found it very difficult to adapt to the burdens and responsibilities of adulthood because I had no confidence and could not stand up for myself. I just basically did what I was told. And I always drank alcohol to deal with the stress.

When I see women with a couple of small kids, a demanding career, a household to run and all kinds of responsibilities and commitments; I feel kind of fascinated but terrified. I could never do that. I could never book up my days with commitments from 6am until 11pm and be happy. I would hate what I would feel was a loss of personal freedom. And it would not be meaningful to me.

However, I do crave intellectual stimulation and I keep thinking that I am not going to find it here, living in my small town.

Hi @Decadian,

I too think that women's lives are now more complex and demanding because there is an expectation that they will work (and many women find work rewarding) as well as raise a family, be an emotional support to a husband and look after a house. There are plenty of choices within this scenario, too, but that doesn't make it easy.

Let's face it; for women to have it all, they need to pay a fortune for expensive child-care and have a husband who is supportive and willing to take up the slack. Not many women call afford the child-care and many husbands are just not that interested. They would rather be playing golf!

So a lot of women go in for the 'dream life' but end up in a bind. A very exhausting bind.

I agree with you, I think the anxiety and depression that women suffer is to a great degree related to the problems society has created for them. The reality of many women does not match the glossy advertisements we see in magazines. There is a huge disparity!

I suppose this is a feminist rant. Oh dear, I'm afraid I learnt feminism at university and I never quite got it out of my system.

Hi @Sahara

It is true that some women seem to have it all - but that is only the way it seems to be

There are women who thrive on stress - and if that's what they like - well - good for them - but I doubt that happiness is high on their results - yet they might do anything at all to hide the truth - mostly from themselves

And depression also comes from repressed or unexpressed anger - it's like a volcano - the pressure builds and builds and no one knows what goes on behind closed doors

so yes - these women find themselves in a terrible bind - yet should the world break apart they have the resources to hide all of this - not good

So many people - women mostly but some men too - are separated or divorced or never married their long term relationship - and I think men are often caught in a bind too

So much has changed in society during my life-time - and one thing we watched Sitcoms - a witch who gave up using her supernatural powers and did the housework by hand to please her husband

How ridiculous - but people still watch it sometimes

I wonder where the axis of all of this is - will some women do anything to have a man - any man -

Decadian

And let's have our feminist rant - let's rant and rant - society gets us coming and going

---

@Decadian wrote:

There are women who thrive on stress - and if that's what they like - well - good for them - but I doubt that happiness is high on their results - yet they might do anything at all to hide the truth - mostly from themselves

And depression also comes from repressed or unexpressed anger - it's like a volcano - the pressure builds and builds and no one knows what goes on behind closed doors

so yes - these women find themselves in a terrible bind - yet should the world break apart they have the resources to hide all of this - not good

@Decadian, it's true that women go to great lengths to hide the truth of their lives, even from themselves. I've noticed that women try to appear happy, even when they are not; because happiness is just so much more attractive isn't it?

Unhappy, angry women are "bitches", according to our society. And who would want to be a bitch? Sooooo unattractive.

Angry men are always justified in their anger. They have a right to be angry. It's their birthright, apparently. But an angry woman????? Well, she must be crazy; better feed her a heap of antidepressants!

Women are being medicated the world over for "crazy" emotions that society will not allow them to have. When really, it is society that is crazy - pushing women to exhaustion and expecting that they will be grateful and fulfilled.

I remember seeing a well-know Australian fashion designer interviewed on a famous talk show. The host asked her "How do you do it? How do you have it all - your own international business, two healthy kids, a husband and a social life?"

The fashion designer replied "I take benzodiazepines."

The host was floored!

@Sahara - So true

I am cut from the same cloth as my father - I will talk with anyone - I join academic arguments - I have used what influence I have to change somethings in society but

Whereas my father was decorated for many things he did - as a woman I have had some acknowledgment - but I did that in another time and besides - I had another name.

Basically - oh - I hate to say this - I have always been female - is it politically correct to say that?

My father could get angry but not me - well - I got angry anyway - I survived my life because I got angry - and then - well - I like this end of my life better I think because I had the courage to be angry

Female politicans get a harder grilling than men - just because they are female - and I think I could say that as a generalisation -

And - women still have hysterectomies - they have their hysterics cut out - stupid name for the surgery - but at first that's why women had hysterectomies -

Now it might be harder to get surgery to remove the baby carriage - but - I had endometriosis - and how many women have that surgery toward the end of their child-bearing years

PMT of course - give the lady a pill - yay!!!! - she answered all the questions in the family feud

No - she caused it

Decadian [feeling smug]

---

@Sahara wrote:

Hi @Former-Member,

my psychiatrist said that my depression was probably a result of a build up of stress over a long period of time. She took time to explain that some people can deal with a load of stress and others can't.... it basically comes down to genetics. Plenty of women have very stressful lives, but they don't go on to suffer depression.

I can relate to you saying that you thought you were happy, but you were under a lot of stress. I think I must have thought I was happy, too, before depression eventually struck me. I was certainly being productive and working long hours. But it's not quite the same thing, is it? Happiness and productivity? Because of the way I was raised, I tend to confuse the two!

I left out an important part of my story when I didn't speak about my childhood. I was raised in a household with a lot of conflict. Some children are very resilient and adapt well to constant arguments and turmoil. But I was not one of those kids! I had a lot of anxiety as a child - nightmares, phobias, extreme social anxiety. I was very withdrawn.

I found it very difficult to adapt to the burdens and responsibilities of adulthood because I had no confidence and could not stand up for myself. I just basically did what I was told. And I always drank alcohol to deal with the stress.

When I see women with a couple of small kids, a demanding career, a household to run and all kinds of responsibilities and commitments; I feel kind of fascinated but terrified. I could never do that. I could never book up my days with commitments from 6am until 11pm and be happy. I would hate what I would feel was a loss of personal freedom. And it would not be meaningful to me.

However, I do crave intellectual stimulation and I keep thinking that I am not going to find it here, living in my small town.

---

Hi @Sahara

Thank you for your message- I can relate to your childhood experiences and your inability to stand up for yourself. I hope you take whatever action now to build up that confidence that you lacked as a child.

I maynot have had the same story or circumstances, but I do understand the constant conflict and arguments, I had that too but I actually thought it didn't affect me. On reflection that is not the case, its been bubbling under the surface for a while. As a child in primary school I did have a lot of confidence but seem to disappear after primary school.

What have you found tha as helped you to grow and to build your confidence and self worth??

Hi @Former-Member,

building up my self-confidence has been very difficult as an adult. Firstly, I had to start giving importance to the things I really love to do, like making my artwork, rather than doing the only the stuff other people wanted me to be interested in.

Then I had a lot of counselling, getting used to speaking my truth and finding an authentic voice. I had to learn to put aside other people's opinions and do the things I really wanted to do.

I had to leave a career I hated and leave my ex-partner too, as he really sapped my confidence. I had to learn to turn away from people who I found negative and non-supportive... and that still isn't easy. Sometimes, I had to even disregard the advice of people who I like and respect, such as my sister.

Well-meaning people are always ready with advice. But you have to learn to listen to your own intuition and do what you must. Do it quietly and consistently and keep reminding yourslef that you live this life for only one person - yourself.

I don't thnk I will ever be a very confident adult. But at least now I can respect myself and feel some contentment.