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Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor07 Nov 2019, 8:26 pm AEDT

Inpatient with an eating disorder

I'm so scared. They're making me eat and I can't deal with it.

Let me explain...

I've been in hospital the last 6 weeks on a medical ward due to the physical injuries of a suicide attempt and I'm going to be in here we'll into the new year. The thing is I struggle with an eating disorder. They've become aware of it (despite the fact I'm not underweight) and have been heavily monitoring and controling my intake.

I feel so out of control.

I broke down at dinner and just couldn't do it. I can't eat anymore. I just can't.

190 replies

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In response to: Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 4:25 am AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

Thanks @Bunniekins

I'm just struggling so much with this. I ended up using lifelines texting service last night. I've decided I'm going to show the conversation to my counselor when she visits today so she can understand some of my fears and see how much I'm struggling with food. I can't believe it got this bad this fast.

One song I've been interested in lately is the new song by icon for hire called hollow....the song clip is pretty interesting too.

One thing keeping me going is icon for hire is releasing a new album at the beginning of the year.
I'm going to be in hospital for a few more months so it's something to look forward to.

I have 3 more surgeries booked in over the next 3 months then I have to go to rehab which I'm really scared about.

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

BunniekinsSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 4:36 am AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

@The-red-centaur I will look for the song :). I think it is a good idea that you will be showing your counsellor the texts. It is important that they know how scared you are about all of this. You have so much going on. 3 operations over the next 3 months is huge and then rehab .... just try to take it day by day and not think too far in front although I know that is easier said than done.

You have so much support here on the forums. We will all go with you on this journey and you will come out on the other side a stronger The-red-centaur. You can do this :)xxx

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 4:41 am AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

@greenoea I don't know how to get through this 😭

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

Gazza75Senior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 8:00 am AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

Hope you are doing okay @The-red-centaur

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 4:08 pm AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

@Gazza75
I'm kinda hypomanic today, the lack of sleep has sent me overtired. I have too much energy and I don't know what to do with it. Physio was hard today, I pushed myself too hard because of the mood and now I'm regretting it.
I haven't eaten in a while though.

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 4:09 pm AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

I'm not doing the dinner thing again...

In response to: Inpatient with an eating disorder

outlanderSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 7:54 pm AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

hey @The-red-centaur sorry its taken me abit to come back.

when you've had something for so long whether that be a mental or physical illness its very hard to see a life without it. Scary even.

if its possible could you have a chat to the nurses and request some of your safe foods? something you feel ok about eating like maybe vegetarian options, fruits or vegies that are healthy and would feel ok with having?

when my ED is really bad I have a list of safe foods. these to me are the only things I feel ok with.

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 9:23 pm AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

@outlander my current list of safe foods is 0. Eating anything is too much. I'm still crying over the fact I didn't completely fast all day because I had 1 biscuit with my cuppa for supper.

I can't talk to the nurses too. I tried talking to my counselor today. She's worried about me now.

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

outlanderSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 9:31 pm AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

that's so tough @The-red-centaur
im glad that your counsellor is looking out for you though and the nurses although seem unhelpful are trying too.

In response to: Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

The-red-centaurSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 10:49 pm AEDT

Re: Inpatient with an eating disorder

@outlander I thought I'd give a go of talking to my nurse tonight...went terrible. She just said I'm not fat. That if me having x c*lories is nothing compared to her and than what does that make her...and she said all this stuff like that.

I also mentioned my voices yo her and my feelings of stuff under my skin and she freaked out..not good. I hope she doesn't call a Dr.

I'm going to try to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

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