Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Whole heartedly agree @Teej 👍

@Faith-and-Hope

@Corny

Thank @Zoe7 💜🤗😘

Thanks so much @Teej . I think somewhere in the back of my mind there is resonance with what you have said, and a quiet belief that it is true ..... everything will begin to find a new and balance order once this cyclone has passed.

There is heartache in knowing that there is one in the midst who cannot recognise boundaries, then need for boundaries, motivations, deceptions, and cannot put a proper voice to anything that doesn't sit well with her ...... 😔. That is where faith and hope need to cover her in their soft blanket and keep her safe.

Always good to see you and hear your input / life experience

❤️ @Zoe7 @Corny @Former-Member @Emelia8 ..... anyone else around.

I'm not abreast of all the ins-and-outs of your cubs relationship and opinions of their father @Faith-and-Hope, I haven't kept up to date with all the threads and posts.

But I hope for your sake that there isn't too much tension and misunderstanding. I think that the parent/child bond is completely different to the spouse/lover bond.

For myself, looking back now that he is dead, I am aghast and sickened by the loyalty I showed. Its quite scary and repulsive the loyalty children show to their abusive parents, I shudder when I recall how much I stood by them, 13 years of non-stop therapy later I feel like I was literally brainwashed and have left a cult......some people are able to see the bigger picture, the trauma bonds, constant threats, the manipulation, the fear and lack of safety, but then others will continue to idolise their parent just to kept that attachment until the bitter end. Even adult children who should know better will create some internal narrative to keep the attachment and to stay in contact with someone that is cruel and destroys any tiny modicum of self esteem they may have left.....parent/child relationships run deep I guess, but it doesn't discount what he did to you.

A life partner is supposed to be our witness. The person that validates our experience, but he is probably doing the complete opposite right now. Making you out to be the crazy one, or at least at fault somehow, just so he can appear on top......I think that you will probably get more validation from friends than from your kids, because they may not be able to see him as a man, and only as a father....its gonna be a long a winding road @Faith-and-Hope with lots of challenges, but you will create a sanctuary for yourself in this mess, and despite the hurt and heartbreak, relieved you have been freed of him

Corny

One of my baby dragons is disabled @Corny, and her father zeroed in on her three months before he left ..... included her in his dates with the secret gf ..... and has raised a $#!+-storm of chaos around my application to continue as her guardian. That is coming to a head shortly - a time I am not looking forward to cos it means "running the gauntlet" and he is trying to have her placed under a court-appointed life administrator. That often happens when there is clear acrimony between the parents 😔

If they can't have their own way, this type of person will sabotage all other options.

Oh yes I do remember that now @Faith-and-Hope and that is just such an awful thing to do. Including her in his dates with the new women! what is wrong with him. She is very vulnerable and that is so manipulative and disgusting that the new women is comfortable with that.

He doesn't have her best interests at heart, and he is simply wanting to get you where he knows it hurts most. Or even worse wanting to rid himself of any responsibility around your daughters care.

This is a very stressful time for you. I doubt you'll be getting much sleep or a sound sleep for some months yet. All you can do is weather the storm.

Your head must be spinning at a million miles an hour. This man is a complete stranger. Really makes me wonder of the extent to his double life and how many years he has had this in the works, plotting, or living a double life on the other side of the world while you were at home raising the kids.

At the risk of sounding too up front, I am glad your marriage is over @Faith-and-Hope . This is not the saddest and worst result, given who he is. How people treat children, the disabled and animals is very telling of their true nature and their character. It would have been so much worse if he had dragged you through this for another 10/20/30 years.

I hope that your other adult children and family are supporting you as much as they can through this awfully stressful time. It will feel like a dream and a tornado all at once, you will have to pinch yourself in a few years time to convince your nervous system its actually over.

Big bear hugs, Corny

Thanks @Corny ..... very grateful for big bear hugs ......

Not quite a bear @Faith-and-Hope but more a teddy.....my sibs text me instgram animal stuff cos I stay away from social media.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CENWWRCgsCZ/?igshid=68hgd1w0trfy

Corny

Hahaha @Zoe7 .... that's a bit gorgeous ❣️

Was that meant for @Corny ? ^^^^^ @Faith-and-Hope