Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope , life is a lottery, I have had terrible luck but some good luck too. I feel like a dinosaur inside, I’ve seen a very dark side of life, but I am certainly not alone there.

You will thrive, you will. Look after your health, don’t take it for granted, just because you don’t break immediately doesn’t mean you can’t break at all. Miraculously I somehow lasted six years after my fathers death before I had a psychotic break and total breakdown. 5 hospitalisations later with a very long stay in the honey moon suite my body will never be the same. But I was. juggling a lot, once I got my mother to Sydney and out of the town we’d been in for 35 years was when I collapsed. So, monitor your sleep and check in with doctors regularly would be my recommendation, we are all breakable, there is only so much stress one person can possibly take.

I am sure there are lots of people that you have helped. From memory your own mother is still alive, you have beautiful grandchildren and your own kids are so lucky to have you as their head of the family. Now that all of this has happened they will realise that you are the head of the family and always have been.

You will thrive, but probably not be the same person ever again. I was a completely different person 10/11/12 years ago……it feels like I am remembering a stranger when I remember her.

This experience will have changed you.

Sadly, you won’t be as trusting, and you will be very discerning who you give your time and energy to. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing!……there are a lot of blood sucking vampires out there that I want nothing to do with......I am a quality, not quantity kind of person, life is too short, we will all be in the veggie patch soon enough.

Stick to people that reciprocate care and consideration, which really is just another way of saying stick to people that actually respect you!

C.

I have a pretty good idea about the warning flags that I didn't realise were warning flags before @Corny. It really is a case of, once it's point out to you and you see the patterns, you can't un-see them ......

I am trying to focus on my health more than I was able to, but yes, still carrying the results of stress on my metabolism. I am taking rest days more than I have in the past.

Hugz ...... ❣️

It really is a case of, once it's point out to you and you see the patterns, you can't un-see them ......

That may be the case for you @Faith-and-Hope but not everyone has insight and not everyone has an epiphany. Not everyone wants to move forward with their lives. The power of self delusion never ceases to amaze me. The lies people tell themselves and their ability to compartmentalise the blooming obvious and what is right in front of them, makes me feel so sane compared to some. This is a long winded way of saying not everyone has your strength, and conviction gurrrrrl.

❤️ @Corny ..... thank you Hon 🙏

You adjusted your sails and your life is going in a new direction now @Faith-and-Hope

Storm isn't over yet @Corny ..... a ways to go.

Oh @Faith-and-Hope I wish it was more over than it is for you. It feels like this has been dragging on for so long. It must feel like your stuck in a whirlpool much of the time. I know divorce is a step but it's just a symbolic one as you've alluded to. It's not until all the final paperwork is legally signed do you get to feel your freedom and begin again, and I know for you there will be that awful lifelong relationship that you'll have to endure if you have shared care of D2. I really feel for you with this. I really really hope that there are some good thoughtful protocols sorted out legally that help minimise your direct face to face contact with him.

It's been a year since my settlement and I don't think about it all much anymore. I can't wait until you have that financial freedom from him and there can't be anymore mind games or power games regarding that. Financial freedom is liberating, even for me who has a really low income. I think just knowing that no one can mess with your financials is freedom.

on a practical note please make sure he doesn't find any loopholes like trying to drag it out so that it passes the date of legally being able to sort it out. I'm not sure what it is but it was two years from the date of divorce that everything had to be sorted legally when I was going through this.

big hugs. I really do think of you often but get paralysed to come on the forum lots. That's a story for another time. 💜😘🤗

So good to hear from you @Teej .....

The storm is not over, but I am seeing some light in the distance. Procedures are starting to stack up, and wonky dealings have started showing up. "He / They" have gone o/s, telling different people different stories about why they are there and how long they intend to stay, so nobody knows where the truth is at the moment, but it will come shining through eventually. Meanwhile the legal cogs keep turning, as you became acquainted with.

We put the horse in front of the cart with our situation. If you get the money matters all filed and in progress ahead of the divorce, it removes the timeline, I believe, and then it takes as long as it takes for the procedures to be followed - the "easy" way or the hard way, and of course he is dragging us through the hard way, but I believe there will be penalties for doing that too .....

I am managing for now, and relieved to have further studies to focus on. Art is therapy after all.

💜💞🌷

@Zoe7 @Corny ^^^

I hope there are financial penalties @Faith-and-Hope I don't know much about Family Law, but do have some lawyers in my family.....judges get really cross with people playing the system and holding back the flow of genuine cases. If he does no shows, doesn't reply and withholds information he may be slapped with a bill at the end of the financial settlement for that behaviour.

If he plans on a prenup with the women he's run over seas with I am not sure how water tight they are anymore, depends on the precedents that have come before, but that is not your problem. It always shocks me how fast people move into together. I think pooling funds is one of the main attractions for a lot of people who have never experienced financial abuse, it never crosses their mind how unforgiving our society is, you can literally wake up with nothing if just a couple of things go wrong in your life, and you cross paths with a suburban sociopath.

Hopefully by 2022 sometime you can treat yourself to a little get away with the cubs or some friends and breath in the relief of not owing him a single thing,

Corny