Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

They may both catch COVID @Faith-and-Hope ... I certainly would not be travelling overseas in this climate of uncertainty. 😊💕

You always speak with such common sense and from a place of personal experience @Corny . Always great to read your responses. You wont know me by this current name, but you do know me from a former name. 🐶 I have been very happy to see you back on the forums after a long time away. I had been worried about you.

Emelia 💞

You are such a wonderful mother @Faith-and-Hope . Sending you an abundance of love and hope. You already have the strength covered xox 🙏🤗💕

💞💞 @Emelia8 @Anastasia ......

Yes, much to learn from @Corny 's lived experience and willingness to share it .... 🙏💞

No-one goes into a relationship thinking something like this will ever happen to them.

I doubt there are many people on the planet that don't want to be loved, its a powerful force, we're all wearing rose coloured glasses when we take that risk to become involved with someone. Throw in sex and seduction and it's pretty hard not to get wrapped up in that. We're built to be with people and crave intimacy.

It can happen to anyone @Faith-and-Hope , I know it feels personal, and you feel really silly, but trust me, its not you. It's just the most god awful feeling when it dawns on you you've been played, just a sinking of the heart feeling, all your hope for the relationship just drains out your shoes and you feel like an idiot. But in time you will see he has done you a favour. I would rather be on my own than with someone that makes me feel so worthless and undesirable.

Somewhere along the way his personality changed, or life circumstances brought the worst out in him. Maybe his success with his business went to his head. But his hatred and venom towards you is NPD-like. I don't know where that comes from, it blind-sides you, but its pathological, its not targeted towards an individual. It's built into him, he needs a punching bag to take all his insecurities out on.

Hi @Emelia8 I don't recognise your dolphin, but I saw a seal a few weeks ago in Sydney and he was raising his little flipper in the breeze to get some cool air under his arm pit. I feel he was also waving at me,

C.

Hi @Corny 😄

I too have been badly hurt by an NPD partner.

I used to post regularly on your thread. But no, you wont know my dolphin pic. I had to change my original pic, along with the profile name, for privacy reasons related to the NPD person in my life. My profile pic used to be of my much loved little black and white dog.

Sounds like a cute seal. 😄

Emelia 💕

Thanks @Corny 🌽💕

It's good to hear these things voiced outside of my head, and I think, good for @Emelia8 to hear in her situation too.

In my situation the devaluation was achieved by triangulation ..... the covert form I believe ..... so of course I turned to him for support, and discussed all my problem-solving strategies, feelings / reactions to the upsets being caused by his agents ...... it was only in the moment of realising I had been played that I realised that, and it happened in the middle of the discard spiel ..... as you said, I suddenly saw it all so clearly, and his mannerisms and facial expressions were those of a complete stranger, which was just as bizarre ..... I was morbidly fascinated in a sort of surreal bubble at the fact that he appeared to have been embodied by someone else. It was that distinct, and it also meant there was absolutely nothing to say.

I understand entrapment @Emelia8. The only reason I am free of it is because he is dead. There is no before and after for me, a narcissistic dominant male controlling mine and my sibs life is all that I have known.

Living with a controlling and abusive person that belittles you and leaves you trembling effects all of your relationships in every aspect of your life, for the rest of your life.

Physical violence completely changes the power dynamic, and cancels out most options of any safety unless something dramatic happens.

It takes so much physical stamina to live with a chronic mental illness, and PTSD is just so exhausting, I know you live with a lot of functional disability yourself and I know how hard that is to live with and accept that this is our lot in life. It's very tiring living with the ignorance in the community, I think there are still a lot of people that don't believe women can develop PTSD unless they were in combat or a first responder. Having said that I have been approved for the NDIS for PTSD, I had to have a report written by an OT, after she read my doctor's medical reports she called me to specifically ask one question, "has anyone ever taught you how to breathe properly". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I went silent on the end of the phone. This is the lululemon, do some yoga, ignorance we have to put up with. The government has bitten off more than they can chew with the NDIS and the private sector is ill-equipped to deal with the complexity of people's bankgrounds.

We're all doing the best we can, I hope you can get some peaceful moments.

Corny

It takes a long time to get your head around it @Faith-and-Hope .

But you'll be pleased to know that "trying to figure them out" doesn't go on forever. Our society has us believe the myth that psychology can help with every mental illness. It can't, some are developmental and intractable.

As for his smirk.....I have only come across that in narcissistic women, I find that interesting. Instead of being more violent I find the smirk type are more arrogant, vain, bitchy, competitive and utterly obsessed to the n'th with their physical appearance. The fact that despite this he has found a new partner that desires that ugly personality style anyway, speaks absolute volumes to me about her personality!

It's scary how long it takes to get to know someone. Stick to the fellas with the four legs and wet noses I say.

Cornucopia

My divorce has been granted .... will be finalised next month. That's not our finances though ..... big mess still to go there. Final guardianship hearing in another couple of months.

"Keep swimming, and float when you're too tired to swim .... "