Unknown userMember
Paralysing inward anger - need advice
Hello everyone,
Something is definitely not right with me lately and I am looking for an outside perspective as I am encompassed by an emotional whirlwind of inward anger and pain. This is out of character for me as I thought I was well past feeling like this.
I have been under a lot of stress lately with looking after my husband after his surgery and dealing with my daughters somewhat erratic behaviour at times (and she will try and use me - she is a taker where I am a giver and she is draining me). Usually I handle this reasonably well, dealing with it one day at a time. I do look for the good which helps but lately the inward anger and feelings of not having any control is dominating. The last few weeks I have been constantly feeling inwardly angry and irritable. And now it's starting to show a bit to others.
In real life I am generally a friendly, happy caring person. But I have had several incidents where people that are close, as well as strangers, have been treating me very rudely to the point of arrogance. I have checked with others in the know to double check whether I have done anything wrong to attract it and the feedback is "no". I can stand up for myself and have done so but am feeling lately that if one more person treats me like rubbish I am going to loose it! This worries me as I usually can shake such things off. But this inward anger is growing and I can't find any retrieve. It is getting to the point where I am becoming depressed and feel like crying a lot (although I don't). I am also disappointed in myself that I am not handling this better.
I feel unappreciated and not valued in this life - that all my efforts and loving care means nothing. I am climbing closer to the edge emotionally. I haven't felt like this for many, many years. And I can't understand why at the moment these feelings have re emerged. I can't see past my own inner turmoil. And the memories of how my mother treated me so badly, so abusively and with such coldness like I was nothing, keeps flooding back - even though I do not consciously think of her.
I am afraid of having a relapse and so disheartened as I had come so far. I don't know how to release this inward growing anger that is paralysing me and changing my character to something I do not like. I don't want to be like this. Am I losing my grip?
I am sure I am not the only one who has been treated with such grave disrespect and injustice with no regard for my feelings or welfare (on such a large scale lately). So I am reaching out to those who can relate, seeking some advice to what helped them when they have felt similarly. How did you cope/release your inward anger, irritably and nagging feelings of having little value (because of the way you were treated). Any advice, sharing your stories of struggling with anger or any kind words of support would be very appreciated.
I have tried "toughing it out" hoping the anger would pass but it is growing as a result. I am afraid of "lashing out" at others and hurting those I care for and acting in a way "that just isn't me". I feel so alone in this.
