trigger warning violent thoughts

Yes @Bunniekins . They're like movies that play out in my head - definitely revenge & what really bothers me, is that for a few seconds it'll feel like . . . 'of course, why didn't I think of that before, that's exactly what I need to do', until I realize how very wrong I'm thinking . . . & then I feel so ashamed. But these 'movies' have played my whole life, I never acted on them - I took to booze & drugs instead. Maybe that's why those substances were so hard & took so long for me to give up?

Lots of love to you Sweet Greenpea

@Bunniekins I have violent thoughts - I call it my “fantasy”.

There are a few people in my life I wish weren’t - and it is soothing to think these people come to a pretty abrupt end. It’s a fantasy because even though I wish them to be gone, these thoughts are something I would never actually act on - it’s just nice to think about sometimes.

Thinking about violence (that you’d never actually act on), doesn’t make you a bad person, or even a violent person - the same as thinking about winning tattslotto doesnt make you a millionaire.

Our brains are wonderful things, it allows us to fantasise, to play out a situation that ends the way we want it to, and to feel good about it even though we know it won’t ever happen.

Nothing wrong with that, or even unusual.

@CheerBear Hey CheerBear yes I have mentioned my thoughts to my pdoc and she was great and told me I was a good person but have a mi which means there are certain things I can never do or have for example have a gun licence (not that I would ever want one but you get where I am coming from) .

@Bunniekins I would say for me it dont tend to get the revenge thoughts i do get intrusive thoughts but they never feel like something i want to do or would even consider doing. actually quite the oposite i go to great lengths to avoid even possibly doing anything that could even lead to the intrusive thoughts. but i would argue there is a third category of violent thoughts in relation to self defense. these i think are harder to identify but the only time i have actually considered the possiblity that i could do something (even a small thing) was in the instances of self defence but even then i only would get to that stage if i had run out of other options including violence towards myself to "get out" so to speak. but when it has hit that point i tend to dissasociate anyway. so for me it would only really be the intrusive kind.

I do think though for some people particularly those who are more comfortable sitting in anger than pain they can turn to those toughts or their brain can conjure them up as a way to escape or find a way to control the situation that is causing the pain/distress. this is where i would say the revenge thoughts come into it a bit but also i realy do think any of those thoughts come out of a need to gain control of a situation where someone feels under threat for whatever reason after all that is why people go to war. I dont think that for humans those thoughts are uncommon the difference is i guess if someone is willing to cross that line of thinking to doing that makes it become a problem. perhaps people with mental health issues are already so critical of themselves that they struggle to not feel guilty about the thoughts and guilt turns to pain which just fuels the whole thing. but thats just my opinion.

@Eden1919 @Razzle @Exoplanet @CheerBear @TheVorticon and all those who supported this post a big thank you. I am feeling pretty alienated at the moment and your words really have helped. Will definitely talk to my pdoc about it when I next see her. Love to you all. peaxxx

@Bunniekins ... 👍💕

@Bunniekins I’ve thought of how to replyhere, but I find it hard to put words and thoughts together, without triggering other readers.

So, yes, I do have thoughts like this. I do talk some through with my counsellor. She has always been positive in saying, thoughts never hurt anyone.

@Maggie Hi Maggie I just hate having these thoughts at all because it seems evil some how .... I am a spiritual person and being spiritual means to me that you should be forgiving etc . Not consumed by hate and I just am worried that given the opportunity I could act upon it and therefore I am a bad person 😞