Does anyone know the procedure?

Hi @Razzle I’m so glad I’ve seen your post.

10 years when my memories came my psychologist asked me if I would take it to the police. At first I said no way I was too scared. After a few months a friend who is now a retired police officer gave me a name of an officer from the child sexual abuse office. I took the courage and went to see him with hubby. We sat in a room and I what about my childhood abuse. He took down names and year and my details. I told him I wanted to know the process. He explained that going to court is a very traumatic experience. I would give my story in writing. They would go to the abusers and get their statements. He said I would need to remember a lot of my abuse in detail eg whst I was wearing etc.

he mentioned that the judge goes by the year if the abuse as to the punishment. Eg if the abuse happened in 1975 then they go back to see what the punishment is.

He said there is no end to reporting historical abuse. I could still go in 10 years time snd teport it then.

They do take historical abuse very seriously.

I would suggest you call your local station and ask to be put through the dept that handles childhood abuse. Then make a time to go in and see the person. They will take their time snd go through the process. They don’t push you to ho through. It’s your decision. Fir me at that time I was still too fragile and even now I’m still not sure.

When i was in the room I had two detectives who were very caring and supportive.

Pls let me know. I know it’s scary stuff and overwhelming. But it may help you to know the process. If you do go think of me sitting with you holding your hand. I know exactly how difficult it is.

Hugs my friend. ❤️❤️

@BlueBay Thankyou for that information. My concern is that if I start

the process and then want to stop, is it too late then?

With the group, it will be my word against theirs - and to be honest they are pretty much each other’s alibi. I know what I was wearing, but I couldn’t be exactly sure what they were wearing. The part that is seared into my brain, well, they weren’t wearing anything.

The next abuser, I can remember his clothes, but I only have snippets of that attack and can only remember part of what I was wearing that day.

The last abuser died 30 years ago. I often wonder if his family knew what had happened, either at the time or after he died. He had photos of me that would have locked him away forever, but he could have destroyed them, or I’m pretty sure his family would have by now.

After all the media attention lately on historical abuse, it seems there is little support for the victim. It’s the same thing over and over, why did they wait so long.

I doubt there is a Child Abuse unit at our police station, it isn’t even always manned.

I dont know what to do, I don’t know if I’ll achieve anything if I go to the police, I really don’t know what to do.

@Razzle My local station is tiny only 2 officers. I had to travel 30 mins to a bigger city where there is a very big police station.

I csnt remember what the officer said as to if I can stop the process st any time. He did say something but I csnt remember.

I’m a bit like you thinking there’s little support for us victims. Especially historical abuse.

I wish I knew what to do. Sometimes I get so damn angry like today that I want revenge on the abusers especially my brother.

I go through stages where some days I’m ok and other days I get so angry thst I wNt yo hurt him. But then I get scared of reporting him. I get scared sbout not been believed.

I would call your local station and find out where the appropriate people are for you to talk. Even if you don’t go further with court at least you’ve gone and they’ve explained the process. Xxxx

@Razzle This is a decision you need to make for yourself but with going into it either way with your eyes wide open and taking into consideration what you can live with yourself going forward.

I have been in a similar position when it was suggested that I could still ,ake reports myself. It was something that came up a lot to begin with when I first began seeing my current psych. I made the decision not to do that for many reasons but the primary one was the ongoing impact it would have on my life and myself. That was entirely my decision but was one I came to knowing just how hard it was to work through in any way with my psych. There were some things I just could not talk about with her and that was a very clear indication that I could not talk about any of it with anyone else - let alone if it all made it as far as charges/court.

Sometimes things are best left in the past because the pain/heartache and re-traumatisation that we would inevitably go through is just not worth it. But that is entirely an individual decision and you are the only one that can know your own strength and path to take. Whatever that is go into it with all the facts of the process, the support you would or would not have and also a strong sense of yourself and what you have the strength to endure. It takes just as much courage to report as it does to know you do not have that in you ...and to be comfortable with whatever decision you make.

Here with you with whatever way you go. There is courage and strength in reporting just as there is in moving forward without doing so.

@Zoe7 It took me a long time to be able to tell my councillor everything, and now that I’ve lost him I know I couldn’t do it all again with a new one. So, in a way, I guess that helps me to know that I probably couldn’t go ahead with the police. I hadn’t even considered that before, I was focused on the procedure, not the actual telling of the events.

I’m not going to be able to walk into a police station and just tell them what happened, I just couldn’t physically do that.

The actual telling of events is so very hard @Razzle In one way it is good to get it out but in another it actually makes it all too real and that is where we have difficulty in accepting and being able to move forward. I could only tell a little and much of that was in being able to write it down and not actually verbalise it. In writing it I could not mention specifics and some things I could not mention at all. It was all way too hard for me so I certainly knew I could not report any of it because there was no way I would be able to verbalise any of it. That actually made my decision so much easier as I was very aware that I could not go through with re-telling any of it - let alone go into details.

I became very comfortable with that decision very quickly. There were many other things to consider also - my own family knowing and as surprsing as it may seem - I was also thinking about the families of the perpetuators and what effect it would have on them. There are more than just me involved in this whole process - and whilst what they all did was wrong, unfair and life influencing for me - by reporting it all there would be many, many lives further affected. I could not/can not be the one to destroy/affect those lives so for me the choice has been to try to move forward by leaving the past in the past. That is not easy but is necessary for my own well being.

I completely admire and respect those that do report such things - either in the present or historically - but knowing what impact that eould have on myself as well as so many others actually made the decision not to report so much easier. Knowing that therapy looking at the past has been re-traumatising for me also made it a lot easier. We need to know ourselves and what we can and cannot deal with when considering these things ...so I say be aware of what you can and cannot deal with and make the decision solely based on yourself. If you do go down the path of reporting then you have support here but you will also need a lot in real life. If you choose not to report then accept that you have made that decision for yourself also and that that does not mean they are getting away with it but it is a decision that you have made for yourself - in that way you are taking some of that control back that you lost and that in itself is a positive.

@Zoe7 The more I think of it the more I realise I can’t do it. I can’t repeat those events again, in fact I’ve been saying to my husband a lot lately that I wish I’d never told him or the councillor.

Im not sure I’d have the support close to me either. I’ve seperated from my husband, and he has never been able to deal with it since he found out anyway. One of the abusers is a very close friend to one of my brothers. And even though my mum has dementia, she’s lucid enough to understand what was going on, and I don’t want to hurt her like that. One of the abusers was her best friends son.

Its a complete $hit situation right now, I am struggling to move on, I don’t feel in control, I don’t want them to get away with it, but I can’t wrap my head around the fact that to move on and protect myself I have to protect them too.

What happened to me was life changing, IS life changing, but these people are walking around like nothing ever happened. I’m so bitter about everything at the moment, it’s just so unfair.

@Razzle Just reading through your thread. I know for me, telling details of my story once, has taken every ounce of energy I have. Some I know I will never repeat to another person, but the secret has been told, the chain is broken.

I admire people who have the courage and strength to go through the process, I’m not one of them. I think deep down inside us, we know what we can and can’t handle. I admire you for thinking it through, that alone is courage. Starting this thread is courage. Listening to what others have gone through, and deciding, is courageous. Whatever you decide, you will know inside you, is right for you.

I completely understand that dilemma of protecting yourself actually feels like you are protecting them too @Razzle It is that kind of thinking that I also had to move away from and it was by no means easy. What it came down to for me was recognising that I also had a choice in how it affected me. It does not take away the pain or the overall affect it has had on my entire life but ultimately how I choose to let it continue to control me is my choice. There will always be triggers and situations that I am not comfortabe with or in but in letting them continue to affect me so much is continuing to give them the power that they took away. I am me - and so much of that has been shaped by my experiences but it does not define me. Those experiences we have had have certainly affected our whole lives but I also see that we are more compassionate, caring people as a result. I 100% would change the past if I could but knowing that it has also made me the person I am today and that that knowledge from what I have been through can in fact help others is a positive I take out of completely negative experiences. We continue to give them the power by continuing to have our lives ruled by the past - when all we can really do is live in the present because nothing will change what we have been through but we can change the air time we give them in our own minds. That is not to say we heal from it but we find ways to just be us - and acknowledge that we are survivors and find strength that we have kept going despite our histories, despite our challenges and 100% despite what they did to us - the power then becomes ours to hold.