Help, need to talk

Hi and good morning @Doglover sending warm wishes your way. Just wanted you to know you've been on my mind lately.

Hi @eth ,thanks for ur post on the 27th, sorry to take so long to reply.

Re doctor, I don't rly go to GP much, my situation is so severe that I stick with the psychs. Re the psychs, I'm in the public system at the MH unit of local hospital. The way it works is u r assigned a team depending on which area u live in which consists of a psych registrar, psych senior consultant and an OT. So I see one of the 2 psychs, sometimes both. There's no real option for 2nd opinion due to how the system works, and I can't afford private.

Sleep is a major issue. With the meds I get about 3-4 hours of poor quality sleep a night and it's bn like that for months. But I feel like the meds r making other symptoms worse but when I don't take them I don't sleep a wink, so it's a catch 22. To be honest I feel like I have just consistently got worse from the time I became involved in the MH system. I hope my post doesn't get cancelled for saying that, but that's just bn my experience.

Thank u for info re disability support pension. How do u manage to survive on that? At the moment I am not eligible bcoz I get a percentage of my previous income by way of salary continuation insurance, but that has a limited time span. It's not enough to make ends meet tho. Im not sure how we wld survive on disability/carers pension. Re hubby going on carers pension, things aren't going too well between us, me being in this state has taken its toll. I am scared of just about everything now but he has said life continues on and I can't expect everyone else to put their life on hold for me. He is not very tolerant of me and what I am going thru, which I can understand to some degree. For example, I am afraid to be on my own now and he has arranged to go away for a full 12 hour day this Tuesday without discussing it with me and I'm petrified about it. He just got rly annoyed at me when I said I was rly concerned and scared about it. He said hes not going to stop living his life and put everything on hold just bcoz I can't cope and hav become a dependant. He said il just have to find a way to deal with it. Sounds rly harsh I know, which it is, but knowing where wev come from and where we r now, how much our life has changed, how much I have changed and our relationship has changed, I can understand it to some degree. I am not the woman he married. He loves that woman, not this one, so it is a very difficult situation. He's not working at the moment but is trying to get a job and I just don't know how I'm going to cope being on my own all day every day. It's just ridiculous how much iv changed and how much fear I live with now, and I just don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I know I went into quite a bit of detail about what I'm going thru in the post that u replied to, but it really is torture.

Anyway Eth, thanks for 'listening' and for ur support. I hope I haven't dumped too much. I really appreciate ur warm wishes. Thank u. Hope to hear from u.

Thanks so much for thinking of me @eth , I really appreciate it.

Thinking of you too @Doglover . I don’t know what to say, or how to help, but listening and caring. 💕💜💕

Hi @Doglover I can't offer too much in the way of advice either, but want you to know that the forums are another tool in your belt for coping on difficult days. There is almost always someone around to sit with you and be a listening ear. There are also the phone and online chat services that you can reach out to. Plus there are the social threads around the forums that you can pass time with e.g. https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Saturday-Soiree-all-welcome/m-p/759103#M164402 today - I'll be there on and off all day and there are others there too. It also helps to develop self-care activities to pass time when alone e.g. art/craft, writing, exercise, cooking - I like finding new recipes to try, it's one of my hobbies, warm bath with aroma therapy, listening to music, gardening ... there's a thread called https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/what-s-in-your-tool-box/m-p/735572 that also has some ideas in it, and references other helpful threads too.

Take care. Thinking of you x

@Doglover ♥️♥️💜💜🌼🌼☕☕🌻🌻

Hi @Gazza75 , thanks for ur post on the 27th and for ur suggestions.

I am currently getting a partial income from income protection insurance so not eligible for disability pension, and carers pension for hubby. It's not enuf to make ends meet but it's sumthing, won't last forever tho.. Hubby has made it clear that he is getting on with his life and has no intention of being my carer, which is pretty tough. He is looking for a full-time job at the moment, I don't know how I'm going to cope when he gets one because I'm scared to be on my own for more than a brief period. Even a brief period I am too really. He's going away for the day on Tuesday and will b gone for 12 hours, I'm rly scared. I don't know what's hapnd to me. Iv gone from a confident outgoing woman to like a child that's petrified of everything.

I appreciate ur desire/wish to be able to help Gazza. I wish u cld too. It doesn't appear that anyone can. It's been months that I hav had the mind racing out of control, and very little sleep at night. Even when I was in hospital I was getting about 3 hours a night and there didn't seem to be anything they cld do about it. I rly wish that issue cld b addressed, as u and @eth said it's rly important, but it just seems to be getting worse and there doesn't seem to be anything they can do about it.

I wish u we're right about being the same person hubby fell in love with Gazza, but I just don't think I am. I get agitated and annoyed and have nasty thoughts which I just didn't used to be like. I guess extreme anxiety and sleep deprivation will do that.

My eating is very restricted. I don't eat any junk bcoz I have this thing where I'm scared of ingredients in foods (and medications) and that somehow those ingredients contribute to my problems. Psychs r trying to get me out of that thinking but it's pretty deep rooted. So my eating is very bland and boring.

Anyway, I feel like I'm always so negative all the time Gazza, im, sorry I guess that's just where I'm at. Things r pretty tough.

Thanks for thinking of me, I appreciate it.

I hope things r doing well ur end.

Take care.

Thanks for thinking of me @Gazza75 . Xxx

Your welcome @Doglover, thanks for the update. Wish things were getting better for you. You can check in here with the 12 hours solo. You will be okay I know this has to be so hard on you on many levels. ❤️❤️

Hi again @Doglover I had a sleep study done some time ago and when I went for the results the specialist told me that even if you can't sleep just lying in the dark with your eyes closed is almost as good for you. I stress less about my sleep pattern (up to 8 naps some nights, never less than 5) since then and also my psychiatrist told me that a full 'sleep cycle' is 1 1/2 hours where I had thought it was 3. So even the shorter naps are actually doing some good for our brains.