Topic Tuesday // Disordered eating & recovery: Building & maintaining hope // Tues. 28 June

Thanks @Shimmer and @Building_Hope

I don't have any self compassion. In fact i am really hard on myself; i do feel stuck. But i will bring this up with my psych next week.

No I would be too embarrassed and ashamed to go to a support group. I just couldn't. This is okay here because it is anonymous. I have too many triggers with my mental illness. Maybe when i go into hospital i can get some help there as well.

@Building_Hope at the moment he believes himself to be the poster-boy for health and fitness. He doesn't believe he has a problem at all, and that everyone else ought to be doing what he is doing, or at the very least, respecting him for it and not trying to sabotage his "success", as he sees it.

I ended up going to the GP with him as a counselling session before the GP would listen to me - my husband lost a lot of weight under the GP's guidance - and it created a break-through in the GP's understanding, but my husband's reaction to this honest dialogue was to claim that I was undermining him, no longer loved him, and he moved into the spare room, claiming we were now separated ...... part of talking him out of this "separation" was to step back and simply try to look after him while this illness progresses to a point where we can get help for him.

Its a very painful waiting game.

I am doing the best I can to secure support services around us as a family - the kids are struggling - and I have seen a psychologist for support, who says that my husband will reach a crisis point eventually.

The GP is witnessing the effects on the family. Whether he can create an intervention or not I don't yet know. It is likely my husband will respond with hostility to any suggested referral, being that he thinks he is living an ideal, and likely stop visiting our doctor.

Hi @Former-Member

Just to clarify, are you wondering how to recognise the line between healthy eating and exercise routines and this becoming excessive?

That sounds like a tricky yet really important question to answer! Do others have any thoughts?

Thanks for joining us @Former-Member. I can hugely relate to this. My husband was a state level athlete. He is very disiplined. But, what worked for him was not always healthy for our children. My daughter became a professional dancer. After training 40 hours a week she would also run after classes. How did we stop it??? When we realised how sick she was we just stopped all exercise. Just short term. As taking away any excessive behaviours can excelarate anxiety. After a month of NO exercise we then started short walks. Bit by bit. Im proud to say this worked for us and she is back dancing and exercisng at a healthy level, Great question and good luck.

@BlueBay, building up self-compassion is an ongoing process, good idea to bring it up with your psych next week. Glad you feel comfortable to connect with others anonymously via the Forums too!

Wow @Building_Hope that is so inspiring to hear how your daughter was able to get back into dancing at a healthy level with the support of your family

You sound like you are doing everything in your power to help him @Faith-and-Hope. Sometimes we need to step back and just "be" for a little while. Its not worth all the arguing. When I talked to my daughters psyciatrist he made it very clear that she was an adult and at some point I had to allow her to take responsibility for her own health. As a married couple, you are dealing in 2 seperate areas. Health and Marriage. It must be so draining for you. The dr told me to try to be as normal as possible and just see how it goes for a week. Dont talk about, dont argue about and just try to get along. This is when things really changed for me. I had to tell her she had responsibility over her own health as I couldnt do it anymore.

@Former-Member okay so it sounds like dieting, vomiting and excessive exercise are coping strategies you use when distressed, especially when you are having flashbacks at the moment.

It's good that you have noticed that it is becoming more frequent and are keen to do something about it.

You mentioned you have been facing these issues with eating over many years, somewhat periodically. I was wondering, are there times where you felt you were managing them better? If so, what helped? Perhaps strategies you found useful in the past could be a good basis for tackling these issues again now!