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Managing expectations on ourselves about work

CheerBearSenior Contributor18 Sept 2019, 10:24 am AEST

Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Following on from last night's Topic Tuesday we thought it might be helpful to have a place to continue the discussion. Something I thought was interesting about the topic was on managing expectations when it comes to work.

Would anyone like to share how you manage expectations about work, either that you might place on yourself or that others might have on you?

I know I'm really hard on myself and I can become pretty frustrated at myself when I don't meet my expectations. Do others experience this? And if so, how do you manage that?

Tagging those who joined in the discussion but if anyone would like to share their thoughts and experiences with managing expectations about work, or with anything else that might have come up from last night's discussion, please do 🙂

@Former-Member @outlander @Shaz51 @BlueBay @Snowie @cutiepiekitty @Lise07 @eth @Fracturedlight @Tam28 @Nessie

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In response to: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

CheerBearSenior Contributor19 Sept 2019, 8:29 am AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Hi all

@Lise07 thanks for sharing that yesterday. The struggle of allowing yourself to struggle makes so much sense to me. I fight so hard not to struggle but also know that struggling is part of being human. I think so many of us find vulnerability scary. It is brave to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

@Tam28 that fear or intense dislike of getting something wrong can be so limiting

I'm thinking there are a quite a few of us here who struggle with perfectionism and can see how that might play in to having unrealistic expectations. I went off Googling looking for some strategies for tackling perfectionism and found these:

Using positive realistic statements

Everyone makes mistakes

All I can do is try my best

Everybody has a bad day sometime

Looking at the big picture

Whats the worst that could happen?

If the worst does happen, can I still survive it?

Will this still matter tomorrow, next week, next year?

Perspective taking

How would someone else view this situation?

Is there another way to look at this?

What would I say to a friend who was having similar thoughts?

These feel a bit hit and miss for me. I think I could usually come up with some kind of counter argument against them, but sometimes things like this help. I'm wondering what others think of these? Are they things you've tried or you think could help? @Shaz51 @cutiepiekitty @BlueBay - you've all touched on themes of perfectionism I think.

The other thought I had was about being realistic. Life changed a lot for me and I've been desperate to go back to the person I was doing the things I used to do, but I just can't. It's not realistic to expect that of myself and when I have tried to do that I only feel a crushing sense of failure. I guess that's where acceptance comes in maybe (as annoying as that can be at times 😉). For me that's trying to be okay with who I am and where I am now and it's trying to focus on things I can do and build on them, rather than seeing only things I can't do.

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment when I was pondering all of this and think that in a way it can help me to set expectations of myself that are around my values rather than my achievements. Anyone have any thoughts on that for them?

Thanks to all for sharing and contributing. If others are reading along and would like to jump in, please do ❤

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Shaz51Senior Contributor19 Sept 2019, 1:22 pm AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

hello @CheerBear , @Tam28 , @Lise07 , @outlander , @Former-Member , @Gazza75 , @MDT , @TAB , @Appleblossom , @Zoe7 , @Faith-and-Hope , @Former-Member , @Determined , @cutiepiekitty , @Meowmy

thank you for your interesting message @CheerBear

What strategies or tools have people put in place to help look after their mental health while at work ---- and like we have said that might be while you are looking after your kids, volunteering looking after our grandparents, our parents and ourselves

Using positive realistic statements

Everyone makes mistakes

All I can do is try my best

Everybody has a bad day sometime

Looking at the big picture

Whats the worst that could happen?

If the worst does happen, can I still survive it?

Will this still matter tomorrow, next week, next year?

Perspective taking

How would someone else view this situation?

Is there another way to look at this?

What would I say to a friend who was having similar thoughts?

there are soo many parts of the day where we can apply these

way it can help me to set expectations of myself that are around my values rather than my achievements.--- very true @CheerBear

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

MeowmySenior Contributor19 Sept 2019, 2:49 pm AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

@Shaz51 @CheerBear @Tam28 @Lise07 @outlander very good discussions. Applied to real life very much. I just try to manage each day as it happens and try to survive it. There are some hard moments. Then we all need balancing. Thanks .

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

MDTSenior Contributor19 Sept 2019, 3:09 pm AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Agreed 🙂

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Zoe7Senior Contributor20 Sept 2019, 4:15 pm AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

@Shaz51 I have been extremely fortunate that my workplace values mental health and a work-life balance over everything else. Staff consistently check in with each other and back each other up if someone is under more stress than usual or finding things a little tough. It makes for a really lovely workplace and a real sense of community. Each and every employee at this school is treated the same and it makes it very easy to manage MH with that support. We are allowed time to leave for appointments and are encouraged to do what we can at work but also take time out for ourselves if needed. That actually leads to less time being taken off as we know that we are backed up at all times and supported.

From a personal level it has been a great insight into what a school should be like and what work can be like with that support - very much unlike my former workplace - and made it both an enjoyable place to work and in fact easier to manage my MH knowing that I can have not so good days but I have that support if that is the case.

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 Oct 2019, 4:26 pm AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

@Lauz @outlander @BlueBay @Snowie @cutiepiekitty @Lise07 @eth @Fracturedlight @Tam28 @Nessie

@Meowmy, @MDT , @CheerBear , @Bear25 , @Gazza75

Friday , the end of the week

how did you go this week

for me it was up and down week due to the weather

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

MDTSenior Contributor04 Oct 2019, 4:27 pm AEST

Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Hey @Shaz51
Yeah not too bad. Tuesday was a test for me. Very stressful
But I got through it and also did alright on Wednesday. So yeah. Could've been worse.
Hope you are well my awesome friend

In response to: Re: Managing expectations on ourselves about work

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 Oct 2019, 4:35 pm AEST