I’m crying 😢

Hi @Queenie

No one here is laughing at you. I'm not going to say that I know what you are going through because I don't hear voices. But I will say that I am here to support you and listen to whatever you may need to say.

Cry away hun if it helps. Well done on controlling your urges to self harm and drink. I do know how hard that is.

Sitting with you and sending lots of your way.

Thank you for hearing me out @Snowie . It was really difficult writing that. I don’t know if I should tell my psychiatrist about this. My Mrs is unsure too, seeing as it’s been happening so much and she doesn’t want me to feel humiliated.

Maybe my back the way it is now will slow me down?

I feel so foolish! 😢

I'm sure it was very difficult writing it @Queenie You have shown such strength just to hit the post button. So many times I go to write something and then delete it.

There is nothing foolish about what is happening, it is very real and very much impacting your life.

It might be a good idea to tell you psychiatrist about what is happening or perhaps even write it down and give it to them. I am hoping they are not one to judge. No one here is judging you. We are walking through this with you 💞💞💞💞💞

@Queenie hello no one here is laughing and how awful of the voices to be doing that. it might be good to talk to someone about what is going on especially if it is having big impacts on your finances. I have had some pretty out their thoughts about myself at times and it is ok it doesnt make you a bad person but if it is hard to manage on your own then always best to ask for help.

@Queenie I can’t relate with the voices, I don’t experience anything like that, but I can relate to the loneliness. Even surrounded by family and friends I can still feel like the loneliest person on the planet.

For the most part of my 26 years of marriage I’ve felt terrible loneliness. I seperated from my husband about a month ago, and I don’t feel any less lonely because of it. My husband did confide just a day or 2 ago that since the separation he has felt terribly lonely and understands now how I have been feeling all these years.

I had a problem with both alcohol and drugs in the years before I married- my way to cope with my CSA. I kicked the drugs, reeled in the alcohol but over the last few months alcohol has crept back into my life.

I don’t have any voices telling me to harm myself, but I do have the urge to harm myself sometimes. I don’t think I’m worth the oxygen I breath, and when I’m treated unjustly by family (because I’m the easy target) it just reinforces that unworthiness.

My fantasy is to run - far far away. I’m stuck in a situation at the moment where I can’t leave, which makes me feel even more trapped.

I no longer have professional help, I lost all trust in my councillor about a month ago and now have to deal with everything on my own, internally - and that’s not a great place for my mind to be.

I’m 48 and already I feel like my life has passed me by. Putting everyone else first thinking my time would come, it never came and I don’t think it ever will.

I don’t cry much in public, I have my mask firmly in place, but gawd, I’m not just crying on the inside, I’m screaming.

No one is laughing at you here, and I applaud you for being brave enough to post and to reach out to others on the forum.

I hope those unhelpful voices begin to quiet for you soon, I can’t imagine how destructive they would be for you. I hope you are able to get some restful sleep tonight too ❤️❤️

@Queenie Hey Queenie, so sorry you are going through such hell atm. One thing that stands out in your post to the pea is how you have an understanding that these are voices. You are 'present' enough to realise they are no more than voices even though they do devestating harm on you. That goes to show how intelligent you are.

You are also a caring sweet person who the pea adores. Can you cut up the credit cards and get a debit card instead? I dont have a credit card as it would be asking for trouble for me if things went haywire re mi.

Ahh dont worry about having delusions of being a celebrity/. I have had some pretty far out delusions ( that is no exaggeration either) when I am out of control and I am a 54 year old middle class mum of 3.

You take good care of yourself and try not to let the voices tell you any different from what I have said that you are intelligent, caring and funny (in a good way Queeniexxxx). Love always peaxxx

Hearing you too @Queenie Definitely NOT laughing. Supporting and hearing you, and how very difficult it is. 💜💕💜

Hey @Queenie love and support and a non-judging listening ear here too. Sending you strength and the hope you can find enough trust in your psychologist to tell them what's really going on for you. that way they can best help you. As @Bunniekins says, it's clear you have 'insight' into what's happening, and know when it's the voices you are hearing. I'm so sorry you are going thru' so much atm. I've had periods of delusions, grandiose thinking and over-spending and excessive self-medication with pot in my past too so I think you still having insight into the fact those things are happening is a really big sign that you can recover. You are very brave to share so openly here and it's nice to see lots of support coming your way. take care lovely xx

@Razzle 💜💕💜💕💜💕💕