FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

881 - 890 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @Mazarita

I've had 4 1/2 hrs sleep plus a wee nap in the afternoon. I'll get some more later.

The session was heavy but I handled it. However there was one point where the facillitator kept asking for a more specific of a type of abuse and eventually I gave her one. It was some really dark stuff that happened to me 2008/9. One short sentence. It's been echoing on me ever since. It really is a safe space to share in but I'm concerned that it was an over-share. Can't change it now.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, I hope that feeling of overshare subsides quickly, and that the echoes of it subside in you. Good that you still feel it is a safe space. You've been at a number of these sessions now. Do you think it's helping you so far?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Only 3 so far @Mazarita - 6 to go. It is very educational and even the extra detailed memories I'm getting are part of healing. My memory has large chunks missing which I think is due to trauma/anxiety/cPTSD stuff. It's like the more I can acknowledge what really happened, the more I can put it behind me properly and stop reliving the experiences when the memories do come up or I talk about them (which I do more often than about the good stuff over the years)

Next week we're going in to the effects on children. Will need to remember to breathe again! My kid was witness to violence many times and sexual assault several times and is still recovering. Has anxiety and PTSD and more going on. They say that witnessing can be as traumatic as being the one abused.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Did you end up finding out more about the new psychologist's experience @Mazarita?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I have also read about witnesses being very traumatised by domestic violence, @eth. It certainly seems to have been the case for me with the domestic violence I witnessed as a child. It must be hard to know your child experiences fallout from those times. My mother carries a lot of guilt over the way I am. I have to admit I haven't always been kind to her about it either. Yet, I do believe she often took my father back in large part because I missed him so dreadfully when he was gone, which was many times up until the age of 15, when I myself told him to go and not come back.

What are some of the other things have you learned in the educational process of the course so far?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, I didn't really pursue more questioning about her experience. There was a fair bit stated on her website. The main thing was that I felt a very good connection with her from the outset. That seemed to me to be much more important than finding out more at this stage. But I may still ask her about her other experiences of bipolar people.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

So far @Mazarita we've covered the cycle of violence - remorse, buy back, honeymoon, build up, stand over, explosion, remorse and so it continues as a typical pattern

Power in Relationships

Common myths and beliefs about domestic violence

Personal rights in healhy, DV and reclaimed relationships - paddock theory

Bill of rights for women experiencing abuse

Power and control and 11 types of physical and/or sexual violence

Enforcing trivial demands, crazy-making, brainwashing, consequences of previous to victim

7 forms of brainwashing

Affirmations and positive self-talk

10 signs you are a victim of gaslighting

Emotional abuse checklist

Verbal aggression, denying and minimizing by the perpetrator

Tree of supports and helpful activities (tool box)

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita I too carry much guilt and shame. My kid is still angry with me at times (currently).

But I also recognize that if I'd been diagnosed earlier all sorts of things would have happened differently. Especially since I was having adverse reactions to the meds constantly prescribed for over 20 years, making me manic.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, I think the most challenging part of my own experiences of abuse as a child is that it led to me being a verbal abuser in my relationships without being aware of it. At the time, I believed intensely in emotional honesty and thought that's what I was doing. But in retrospect I can see that at least some of my 'honesty' was verbal abuse. I also believe I learned this from my mother too. The verbal abuse my mother heaped on my father at times was intense. In saying this, I of course recognise that it didn't condone his physical abuse of her.

I will pause talking about this though because it occurs to me that it might be a bit intense for this time of night, especially since you've just been through the session yesterday. I'm okay to continue but just wanted to check in with you to see how you are travelling with this conversation.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for checking @Mazarita. I echo a lot of what you just said about role modelling as a child.

I'm going to pop out for a ciggie and check in with myself about whether I can keep talking about this stuff. It feels like trauma has dominated my whole life and I want it to stop, and the past to stop plaguing me.

881 - 890 of 27,230