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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Just found one of my favourite songs of all time @Mazarita - Mama by Lucky Dube - I've been searching for it for years but had forgotten it was by him. Takes me back to an era of my life that was idyllic for a while. Living in the bottom of Minyon Valley with a rasta partner, expecting my 2nd child, having a totally free life and raising my now adult child in the most natural of surrounds - unfortunately it all went awry later but I didn't know that at the time.

I think it's got me going enough not to hit the hay again after all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I'm glad you had that idyllic time, @eth. I too think of highlight moments in my life and feel some of the most pleasurable ones past me. I'm okay though. There are wonderful aspects to my life now too, even though I somehow manage to be depressed in some deep way through everything. Gotta focus on the good moments though, I'm trying to learn that.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I mostly am in depression too @Mazarita it seems to be my resting state unless other more extreme moods are happening. Even with a mood stabilizer that's specifically meant to curb the lows.

It's really nice remembering the idyll. But along with that comes memories of the rest of the saga which was so traumatic that my adult child still won't let me refer to even the good times we had in that period of our lives. Amongst other things I lost the son I carried. But for me these days I can remember the joy the music gave me and how it's one of the reasons I survived.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Notifications are all over the place. Just saw your post about the washing @Mazarita. It's not stuff I need to take. One of the others can bring it in when it does dry. But linen of mine that ends up in the big house often tends to merge with theirs. No drama.

It does feel like you're waiting for take off with me - it's nice.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I get that about how memories may be soured by what happened later, @eth. I tend to dwell in the dark memories too. In your case it sounds like there is just an overload of terrible things, which would make it hard. I'm working towards forgiveness or at least some understanding when it comes to bad things I've experienced. Just as I'm trying to forgive myself for bad things I've done.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Me too @Mazarita It's been a long process, as yet incomplete, since getting diagnosed bipolar put a totally different slant on everything I thought I'd worked through, and since a more recent very destructive abusive relationship sent me into complex PTSD. I've come to accept that some things will never be remembered clearly enough to process and let go of the confusion, guilt and shame - but it's an uphill battle lots of days. So when I have an occasional happy memory it really means a lot to me.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I think I've been affected a lot by the traumas of my childhood, and the social isolation I experienced from the start, living in the country, the only child amongst anxious and depressed, troubled, violent adults for my early years. Also spent a huge amount of time alone even when mum and I got to the city. More blank solitude and extreme shyness at school, more violence in the home, years of it until I ran away at 16. Not the best start. Traumas I've inflicted on myself to some extent in adulthood. Medical traumas. I don't have that diagnosis, don't need it to know really. But, in this place of relative contentment that I feel now, I can sometimes look back on it all and think it's a rich life at times. If life is about experience, I've had a lot of it.

@eth

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Your last sentence is very profound @Mazarita. I hope I can reach a place like that in myself too.

I wasn't an only child but in many ways we had a lot of similar experiences as children.

It still amazes me at times how much we have in common despite our different journeys in life.

Dishes done, coffee no. 2 going down a treat. I think I'm almost deliberately working myself into a bit of a high today, but plenty of hours to come down from it. Have turned the music off now as it was taking me a bit too far into la la land!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

We do have a lot in common, @eth!

Awesome that you've got the dishes done. Wise with the music, especially if you feel like it's getting you too high. On the other hand, it is a day for celebration of a holiday!

I don't think I'm going to make the women's group today. But I'd still like to go to art.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

What sort of things do you do at the women's group @Mazarita? There's one for over 50's at the local women's centre that I'd like to try one day.

Are you going to art with a friend again?

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