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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

1.45am. Had about 90 minutes sleep so far tonight. Felt good to get that as I was very tired and strung out at my friend's place yesterday. Will be going back to bed before long, I hope.

@Bunniekins, @Appleblossom, I agree jealousy is not wise. And yet occasionally I feel jealous and/or envious. Often can talk myself out of it. Mostly I find it humorous to be so silly. But not always at the time! I think it's great that neither of you are prone to that.

@eth, hope you are getting some decent sleep tonight. Will probably be around most of Tuesday, if I'm not in sleep catchup finally.

I imagine this message will be received in the morning. So, here's a late-night, 'good morning', to everyone. ox

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita @Bunniekins @Appleblossom @outlander @Shaz51 @Sophia1

Hope you've had some more sleep Maz. I was awake a few times but always try to sleep again before turning on the computer. And recently that's been working. I always think of you when I do wake.

I'm not sure if I really get jealous as such, but I do compare myself, sometimes in a material or educational or style manner, and often wish I had managed to develop more of those aspects. More of a low self-esteem thing than outright jealousy I think. When I was younger I definitely did feel straight out jealousy, e.g. of siblings. But these days I mostly wind up thinking it's my own fault I didn't make those things happen (e.g. finishing degrees, buying property, ... ). I always either rebelled or ran away and justified it as not having mainstream values.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @eth, @Mazarita, @Bunniekins, @Appleblossom, @outlander,

off to doing lots of cleaning , hope you have a good day and a sleep for you my scotirish sister @Mazarita

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Have a good day @Shaz51

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Mazarita wondering how you are today

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth, Still haven't had a lot of sleep, maybe 3-4 hours. But awake again for now. Will probably have a pretty feral day here and sleep more whenever I feel like it. Hopefully I will feel like it. Really think I need to catch up on missed sleep over the past five days or so.

Good idea with the avoidance of computer when you wake in the night. I feel a compulsion to get on here many nights because it's too still and unnerving in the silent night otherwise. In fact I've realised that some of my sleep troubles relate to simply being afraid to sleep at night. Will probably be talking to my psychologist about this. Same with showering. I feel too vulnerable naked. Fear based disturbances, at least in part.

I too have seen myself as going against the grain of the mainstream in many ways in my life. I don't think that's an excuse, at least not completely. I see it as part of who we genuinely are too. ox

Hi @Shaz51, hope the cleaning is over quickly and you get a quieter, more peaceful time later in the day. ox

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I agree about not being into a lot of mainstream values being part of who we genuinely are @Mazarita, but at times when I've been manic in particularly I have taken it to extremes.

Hope you're having a restful morning. With no pressure to do anything.

I've just had a walk to the shops with bro, had a cafe hit and whilst there learned a couple more tasks on my phone and successfully booked a Shebah ride to get to the psychologist tomorrow. Then went to the hairdresser and booked to get my hair cut tomorrow. It's my birthday tomorrow. Tonight bro and sil are taking me to my favourite Japanese restaurant - really looking forward to that.

Sorted out all my contacts from my old phone onto my new one too. Feeling like I've had a few wins already today - quiet time in the cabin for a while now.

Is your internet working properly now?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hoping you're ok @Mazarita and getting some rest. I hear you about reasons for not sleeping at night. And echo how you feel about showering. I'm dodging it again today. I only very recently came out to my psychologist about how I feel about showering (being naked). It's a scary thing to share but it felt important to be completely open with her. Hoping you have a compassionate psychologist who can hear and accept how you feel about these things and offer some sort of gentle guidance.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth @Mazarita

I have been thinking about the jealousy thing and the shower & naked thing a bit this morning.

Ha ha .. on son's computer a few young men were talking about "getting naked with..." I think that has a far more specific motive than what we gals feel or discuss.

At least today I did not approach computer until I was showered and dressed, but needed my pjammie day yesterday.

Re Jealousy

I felt such immense ongoing longing and leftoutedness when a child, but for some weird reason I dont think it really rated as jealousy. I just noticed the huge gap between OTHERS and myself. Sometimes I closed the gap, eg for civvies day at school... Eventually I bought that tshirt that seemed so desirable. As I started working young it was logical to be proactive rather than angst about it.

Then I was told me and my family's problems were ALL a result of jealousy. The person who was so simplistic and mean was somebody my old piano teacher had confided in me about 10 years earlier so I had slightly felt sorry for him for his lack of musical ability and her gossiping .... I started to realise that some people were actually jealous of me ... that really took a while and did my head in ... but it moved me out of being in the victim role ...

I still felt outraged though that people would make simplistic judgments about us rather than try and understand all the complexities we faced. In the end I decided he was not a very nice person, but my idealism had to get of the way first.

I had a similar bizarre relationship with my rich sister in law ... she was jealous about my "popularity" at school (she had been very violent and kicked and scratched etc etc) ... it was so counterintuitive, it became a bit of a laugh for me ... the whole jealousy concept ... people often assume problems between siblings are just jealousy .. but I knew that so far from my truth that I kind of felt a bit immune to jealousy after a while ... now I just use the concept jokingly ...

Have a good day ALL

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thinking of you @Mazarita

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