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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Only about 30m @Mazarita and there's a clear line of sight from their back door to my front door and me at my table or in bed. I suggested just a couple of hooks on the inside of the door and I could hang a sarong there when I wanted to and SIL said she doesn't want it looking too 'hippy' ........... HELLO?! She's known me for 25 years and I am who I am, she knew that when they decided to create this space for me. In that way I feel I need to do a certain amount of lifestyle by stealth and keep up appearances of being a bit straighter for them.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yikes, not very fond of the 'not too hippy' comment from your SIL, @eth. Surely you should be allowed to decorate as you want. It seems very unfortunate to me that you feel the need to do 'lifestyle by stealth'. Though, having said that, I find that I do the same to some degree. In my case it's to do with the nature of where I'm living. We have onsite body corporate managers who live here. I find them a lot more intrusive than when I went through regular real estate agents.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Body corporate - Yuk! I can see how you'd want to be 'on the down-low' too @Mazarita. I'm kind of used to it because all those years in Darwin- redneck wonderland - I toned down the hippy most of the time. Some crew up there are really abusive to hippies. There is a larger population of them here and also a larger city attitude of 'F you I'm being myself!' So I've been expanding my wardrobe when I can afford tol

I only owned summer clothes when I arrived!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Are there any op shops nearby, @eth? It was op shops and ebay that got me better clothed again at a time when I wasn't fitting my old clothes due to weight gain and was basically spending all day every day in the flat wearing ill fitting rags. I have toned down my clothing style a bit as I've been advancing in years anyway, makes life easier. Especially when I was a drama student, I was a wild dresser! I remember a red and white striped mini dress I used to wear with witches britches, thick socks and gum boots at one point, LOL.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

LOL Sounds like me too @Mazarita on any given day I was 99, the golf lady, la boheme ....... whatever look took my fancy. Then for years I was the 'elegant gypsy'! - when I had a career, but as a massage therapist had either clinical or sports look going on ......... a chameleon was I.

Lots of op shops nearby but not a lot of choice in size 16 so far. I used to be 10-12 until about 8 yrs ago when I started bipolar meds, and at that size I had much more choice in op-shops. But my wardrobe is expanding nicely and the only real money I've spent is on two (yes, two) Kathmandu jackets.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

These days I am happy with what I have in the wardrobe, but it's taken some years of slowly accumulating what I have, @eth. Mostly op shop. I dress very much for comfort these days but like to look okay too. Plain bottoms, patterned tops, often fairly brightly coloured, easy to mix and match. I like paisley quite a lot and grab it whenever I see it in the shop. Offbeat flavours still imbue the look I guess.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I'm a bit less content with what I have @Mazarita. I wear a lot of black and am feeling a desire to be more colourful. In Darwin I had a double sliding door wardrobe chock-a-block but sent most of it to the op-shop when moving. A few things I really regret, like the silk dress I wore to my child's wedding. But no point dwelling on it. One of the jackets is a dark wine colour, almost a purple, and I love it (they were 60% off on sale and are excellent quality and will last). And last week I got a fantastic olive jumper in a very on-trend style for $39 on sale. All I really need is another pair of jeans as I'm living in them while it's winter. I also wear a lot of block colours and want some with a wider range of colours in them - patterns, rainbows, that sort of thing. But have very limited finances so will be hunting in op-shops from now on.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I love op shops for clothing me most of my life, @eth. I like the surprise element and actually prefer the styles to what I see new in the shops for what seem like vast sums of money for me. Sometimes the quality is much better too. I spend real money on new shoes and occasional extras (underwear, for example). Skechers shoes are my life savers in terms of enabling a lot more walking than I'd otherwise be able to do. I'm size 18 these days (at 5' 7" tall). Like you, I used to be size 12 most of my life until I started the bipolar meds about 2008. It is harder to find stuff for the larger sizes. I just head straight for the 'big and beautiful' rack.

You talking about your work as a masseur reminds me (with joy) that I am booked in for an hour Swedish massage on Thursday. I am having a monthly massage at present as a way of helping with mental and physical health.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

That sounds like a really good idea @Mazarita - proper self-care. Because I did it for so many years I generally find massage from others an exercise in frustration. Even when I tell them how I want it, they all have different ways from what I used to do (which I know had really good results from testimonials plus some clients having over 50 treatments from me). So I'm a bit like the restauranteur who goes to someone else's restaurant - too picky to relax well in their hands. But I would like to receive it again in the near future. - After I pay the gap fees on my next couple of psychiatrist and psychologist ap'ts I'll see what I've got left over and try to make it happen.

Birds are here now @Mazarita so I'm popping out for a ciggie again. I'll be back.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I'll do the same, @eth.

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